Am I being selfish :(

Any

Babywanted wrote: »

They have known all along that this was our plan but now his sister has made this decision they say hubby has to go to her wedding and we can just save for ivf treatment in the future

In their eyes if a child is meant to be then it will happen so they don't really believe in medical intervention

Well that certainly explains a lot.
Your in laws feel that they are smarter, more mature and can make better decisions for you and so they are doing them. They are sorting out your mind for you and your priorities.
It is controlling, manipulative, arrogant and disgusting behaviour from someone calling themselves "parents".

Unfortunately you don't have legal rights to the inheritance...
But I doubt the mother was given the money with words "for something special, what ever YOU think is special, don't let them make their own mind up"...

Yes family is important, buit I draw a line where I let people dump on my head just because of this famous saying "blood is thicker then water".
I don't think I would be in their lives much.

OP, I wish you all the best with trying for baby. I hope it is going to happen for you!

Babywanted

Toto wrote: »

What are they like with money?

I am wondering if they actually still have the cash which could answer why they won't give it to you. Could they be planning to shove the flights on a credit card thereby removing their responsibility to hand over the inheritance?

Funny you should say that as a couple of friends have said the same too

Babywanted

Any wrote: »

Well that certainly explains a lot.
Your in laws feel that they are smarter, more mature and can make better decisions for you and so they are doing them. They are sorting out your mind for you and your priorities.
It is controlling, manipulative, arrogant and disgusting behaviour from someone calling themselves "parents".

Unfortunately you don't have legal rights to the inheritance...
But I doubt the mother was given the money with words "for something special, what ever YOU think is special, don't let them make their own mind up"...

Yes family is important, buit I draw a line where I let people dump on my head just because of this famous saying "blood is thicker then water".
I don't think I would be in their lives much.

OP, I wish you all the best with trying for baby. I hope it is going to happen for you!

Thank you and I know there is no legal right to the money and to be fair as others have said if she honestly thinks a wedding is more important than creating a new life then she has her priorities so wrong in my opinion

paulineb_2

Babywanted wrote: »

Thank you and I know there is no legal right to the money and to be fair as others have said if she honestly thinks a wedding is more important than creating a new life then she has her priorities so wrong in my opinion

Why dont you look at it from her point of view. This is both her children here. She may be getting it very wrong but surely it should not be a case of right v wrong, who has it right and who has it wrong.

You have every right to want the money to fund IVF, but she wants both her children at her daughters wedding. It wouldnt be so bad if it were a cheap registry office do, but its not.

You had the option to take the money a while back, you chose not to. And yes you should also have had the right to spend it on what you want and not be bullied into a wedding you dont want to go to.

But it shouldnt be a case of wedding v baby as far as other people are concerned. Regardless of whether your future sister in law is selfish and not good with money, she also has the right to look forward to her wedding. Which I bet she wont be if world war 3 kicks off about all of this.

Sit them down. Tell them you dont have the spare cash to attend the wedding, you are saving for IVF and that you would really appreciate the cash thats being held for you to go towards the IVF.

And also tell them, dont book flights for us. But if you are going to have that conversation, Id have it now, before a flight is booked and before the wedding gets any nearer.

And if you do have kids in the future, you hopefully want a life where your child has his grandparents and aunt in it, for all their faults.

FatVonD

So they want a fantastic wedding for their daughter that traditionally they might have had to pay for out of their own money but instead are using money promised to their children to pay for it?

I think your husband needs to ask them how they think you will feel when money promised to him has been spent on a lavish wedding for his sister and then the pair of you have to watch the sister and her new hubby get pregnant effortlessly while you watch on knowing that your chance at a child was spent on their wedding.

heartbreak_star

Babywanted wrote: »

Thank you and I know there is no legal right to the money and to be fair as others have said if she honestly thinks a wedding is more important than creating a new life then she has her priorities so wrong in my opinion

I feel incredibly sorry for you but I also think this is badly worded! (I don't ever want children so MY wedding would be more important to ME than any potential procreation).

However, you desperately want a child so it's not fair that you've "had the rug pulled from under you".

Fingers crossed you can save enough. In the meantime I agree with not going, and concentrating on getting back to full health to prepare.

I wish you well - lots of hugs!

HBS x

Desperado99

Toto wrote: »

What are they like with money?

I am wondering if they actually still have the cash which could answer why they won't give it to you. Could they be planning to shove the flights on a credit card thereby removing their responsibility to hand over the inheritance?

Mmmm........ that crossed my mind.

It also occurred to me that maybe the cost of the wedding is more than SIL's 'share' of the money and inviting the OP and Hubby was a way of saying it had gone on a special 'family' event so they don't have to account for it properly

mcja

This is the big downside of inlaws. They can be fantastic but they don't know you like your own parents do. Trying to explain things to them is always harder.

You and your OH have to do whats right for you. The decision to save for IVF is an important and not easy one. I think to need to tell the outlaws to do one. This is all about priorities. You know yours and I am sure that SIL will fully understand the situation you are in.
If you are unable to fly from medical reasons you have a perfectly good reason to not take the tickets. My OH would stand by me as well.

Good luck, you both have a hell of a journey ahead of you, and I hope it all works out for you.

Babywanted

paulineb wrote: »

Why dont you look at it from her point of view. This is both her children here. She may be getting it very wrong but surely it should not be a case of right v wrong, who has it right and who has it wrong.

You have every right to want the money to fund IVF, but she wants both her children at her daughters wedding. It wouldnt be so bad if it were a cheap registry office do, but its not.

You had the option to take the money a while back, you chose not to. And yes you should also have had the right to spend it on what you want and not be bullied into a wedding you dont want to go to.

But it shouldnt be a case of wedding v baby as far as other people are concerned. Regardless of whether your future sister in law is selfish and not good with money, she also has the right to look forward to her wedding. Which I bet she wont be if world war 3 kicks off about all of this.

Sit them down. Tell them you dont have the spare cash to attend the wedding, you are saving for IVF and that you would really appreciate the cash thats being held for you to go towards the IVF.

And also tell them, dont book flights for us. But if you are going to have that conversation, Id have it now, before a flight is booked and before the wedding gets any nearer.

And if you do have kids in the future, you hopefully want a life where your child has his grandparents and aunt in it, for all their faults.

I can understand her point of view but for all intents and purposes a wedding is about the two people in love and not about who goes to share their day, the simple fact from our point of view is that hubby should be allowed to choose how he uses his share

Babywanted

FatVonD wrote: »

So they want a fantastic wedding for their daughter that traditionally they might have had to pay for out of their own money but instead are using money promised to their children to pay for it?

I think your husband needs to ask them how they think you will feel when money promised to him has been spent on a lavish wedding for his sister and then the pair of you have to watch the sister and her new hubby get pregnant effortlessly while you watch on knowing that your chance at a child was spent on their wedding.

Oh god I hadn't even thought about that, but it's a very fair point