Am I being selfish :(

Babywanted

Hi, ok so my situation is this

A couple of years ago a relative of my husbands died and there was some inheritance to be split between him and his sister.

This money was kept hold of by his parents until we were ready to use it

We had always planned to use it for fertility treatments as we desperately want children but have unexplained infertility

Fast forward to now and his sister has announced she wants to get married abroad, it's a very expensive place to go and will use all the inheritance, hubby's parents are forcing us to use hubby's share of the money to attend the wedding.

This alone makes me very sad while also angry especially as I am unable to travel that distance for health reasons so hubby would have to go alone

Plus that money was our only hope of iui or ivf treatments

Are we being selfish by not wanting to go ??

alwaysonthego_2

It was left to your husband to spend how he chooses! No you are not being selfish, good luck x

hawk30

No way are you being selfish! Is it actually your OH's inheritance or is it money left to his parents that they said they would give to him/you? If the former, than they have no right to dictate how you use it.

Do you not qualify for NHS treatment? I know that it's a postcode lottery...

aileth

Your hubby's parents would rather you use it to go to an unnecessary, extravagant foreign wedding rather than the money possibly giving them grandchildren?

There are no words.

hazyjo

No. I don't think so.

Why are his parents looking after that money? Who has dictated how the money should be used - solely his parents, or was it a wish of the deceased relative?

Sounds very controlling and unfair to me... Can't you get hold of the money, say you'll book tickets, then not? Sneaky, but it sounds like you're going to fall out with them over this anyway if they're being that selfish.

I suppose it's also money you didn't have though, so can see how they're looking at it.

What ages are you? Have you tried via the NHS?

Is his sister a bit more approachable? Have you told her what's being dictated and what you'll be sacrificing and that you can't go anyway?

Jx

fake_smile

This is awful and incredibly selfish of his sister. The money was split between them and should remain that way. It's difficult because arguing over inheritance is no nice thing but something has to give here.

LEJC

the way I see it is the money is to be split between your husband and his sister...no mention of how its used...therefore now is the time to split it because the sister has a reason to want it.

Ask your husband to requiset his share of the money and spend it how you choose.

how did the parents come to hold onto the money,were they executors or was it because the beneficiaries were under a specified age?

BJV

So sorry to hear, sounds like a difficult situation.

Hate to say it but I think that your hubby needs to speak to his parents. It is half his and half his choice how he wants to spend it.

No I do not think that you are being selfish at all. Also think that your OH's sister is being a bit unfair expecting you to pay for her wedding!

Good luck with this and the IVF

HPoirot

It is illegal to use inheritance left in a will in any way other than specified in the will. If your husband and sister should have the money equally as per the will, then they should have it equally. People who are not beneficiaries to the will do not have any say in how it should be used I'm afraid. Your husband should be able to use it as he wishes.

Dimey

You aren't being selfish but the money was left to your husband so its his decision what he spends it on or simply saves it for the future.

Strange that OH's parents have held the inheritance. What has happened to the interest on the money? Your OH's share plus interest should be transferred to his savings account.

As for the wedding. Well the risk any couple take if they decide to marry overseas is that many guests will not be able to attend. (That's often a prime reason for marrying overseas.) So your sister-in-law can't complain if your family don't attend. You each make your own choice.

Babywanted

Thanks for all your replies, the money was not written into a will or anything, it was just how much he left when he passed, his wife passed it to her daughter to look after (hubby's mom) and distribute when the time was right

At the time hubby was never told how much there was but his parents knew that our dream was to go to Florida once I had been given the all clear to fly which could take a few years so they just never gave it to us.

Last year we changed our minds and decided we would use the money for fertility treatment once I had lost weight to give us the best chance

Well now I just keep crying about this