Am I being selfish :(

Dimey

Oh. Well if the money was not left to OH and his sister in a will but was just his Grandmother and MOther being generous and potentially giving OH & sister money, then he actually has no right to it - until OH's mum actually gives it to him.

If OH's mum decides not to then its tough luck.

In this new light, I'd just leave the mum to spend her money how she wants and forget any expectation to a share.

Babywanted

aileth wrote: »

Your hubby's parents would rather you use it to go to an unnecessary, extravagant foreign wedding rather than the money possibly giving them grandchildren?

There are no words.

Putting it like that makes me think maybe they are the selfish ones, thank you so much, you have helped a lot

paulineb_2

Babywanted wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies, the money was not written into a will or anything, it was just how much he left when he passed, his wife passed it to her daughter to look after (hubby's mom) and distribute when the time was right

At the time hubby was never told how much there was but his parents knew that our dream was to go to Florida once I had been given the all clear to fly which could take a few years so they just never gave it to us.

Last year we changed our minds and decided we would use the money for fertility treatment once I had lost weight to give us the best chance

Well now I just keep crying about this

Why dont you just ask for the money. You'll need to have the money sitting in your bank account no matter what you use it for.

Babywanted

Dimey wrote: »

Oh. Well if the money was not left to OH and his sister in a will but was just his Grandmother and MOther being generous and potentially giving OH & sister money, then he actually has no right to it - until OH's mum actually gives it to him.

If OH's mum decides not to then its tough luck.

In this new light, I'd just leave the mum to spend her money how she wants and forget any expectation to a share.

Sorry I don't think I explained that properly, the money was left and passed to hubby's mom with strict instructions that it was for the 2 grandchildren and nothing else.

paulineb_2

As someone else said, is there any possibility that you could get IVF on the NHS?

claire16c

Are you eligible for NHS fertility treatment? Although I know in many places you only get one round of IVF. Do you definitely need IVF or are you eligible for other drugs?

Do his parents know you are struggling for children? Or are they naive to this and so just assuming youll be going to the wedding and need help with money?

Prothet_of_Doom

Explain how the money was LEFT in a will, but never actually made it to your husbands account ? and why ?

Is there any legal implications that the sister can drop you in it. Have you been claiming benefits which would have been reduced if you had savings? If that were the case and she threatens to do that, then that would be blackmail.
I assume that it's not the case (as this is MSE and we are all legal and above reproach..) then I think you both need to stand firm.

As others have NOT said, get the money, (Say you need it to book the flights and hotels) bank it, and write a letter to parents and sister, explaining that you'll be participating in the wedding via video link only, and more importantly WHY and What you intend to spend the money on.
You need to be very cagey. Get the money, back before you kick up a fuss.

19lottie82

Have you told them exactly what you want to keep the money for?

What is your husband saying about the situation, to you and to his parents?

Dimey

Babywanted wrote: »

Sorry I don't think I explained that properly, the money was left and passed to hubby's mom with strict instructions that it was for the 2 grandchildren and nothing else.

I see. In which case OH's mum has a moral obligation to give OH his half share plus interest but not necessarily a legal one. Does your OH have any written proof about the strict instructions?

Prothet_of_Doom

Babywanted wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies, the money was not written into a will or anything, it was just how much he left when he passed, his wife passed it to her daughter to look after (hubby's mom) and distribute when the time was right



Well now I just keep crying about this

Verbal will means NOTHING. It was never his and NEVER will be.

Take back what I said and go all guns with the emotional blackmail, how you are both desperate for kids and this money was your only hope. Can they not see how desperate you are, how could they be so cruel.

Whatever you do, do not attend the wedding.

Whatever, start planning a future without the money.