Am I being selfish :(

jackyann

So sorry for this situation. It is something that elderly relatives often do. It seems that they make the will when their children are young (ish) then as grandchildren come along don't alter it.
Out of apathy or trying to save money, they then think "oh, I'll just ask them to see the grandkids right" or something like that and it gets interpreted differently by different people.
I do hope that you can talk to them properly about this.

TeamLowe

OP when your husband explained to his parents that you'd like the money for IVF, did he explain that it was the only way and the reasons why in vague terms?

It may be that his parents have over the years heard many 'they were told they couldn't have children but now they have thirteen' stories and may have false hope that you'll be the same so don't want you to miss his sisters wedding for a medical expense they don't think you'll need

It's hard for people to understand infertility if they haven't been through it themselves, especially if they're of an age where everyone seems to have kids no matter how hard they struggled, my parents definitely didn't understand our struggle as 'these things take time'

I'm not saying they're right, not in the slightest, they just may have a completely different viewpoint to yours

Good luck OP, whatever you have to do to get your baby will be worth it

FBaby

I read the rest of the posts and thought came to mind. You made it clear that after considering using the money for a holiday of your own, you then decided that it should go towards IVF treatment.....however... this treatment wouldn't be started for months.

Could it be that your husband misunderstood what his parents' intentions and that what they meant was that as they would love for all the family to be present at the wedding, the money could do towards this BUT they would then be saving to help you when you finally decide to go for IVF if still required? That would make complete sense.

Sorry to ask OP but what physical disability means that you can't fly? Do his parents realise this? If indeed the above was the true circumstances, it would be really sad that your husband miss on his sister's wedding. Indeed, you might be missing on the sister helping with IVF when you do decide to go ahead with it.

Brighton_belle

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry to ask OP but what physical disability means that you can't fly? Do his parents realise this? If indeed the above was the true circumstances, it would be really sad that your husband miss on his sister's wedding. Indeed, you might be missing on the sister helping with IVF when you do decide to go ahead with it.

Answer already given :

Babywanted wrote: »

The reason I can't travel is due to injuries sustained in a house fire and the cabin pressure in the aircraft would cause problems so I am not allowed to fly, there are no other health issues at all

FBaby

Sorry about that, and here I thought I'd read all the posts

DaftyDuck

Frankly, I'd be fuming... I AM fuming.

The only thought I've had is, can you (and bear with this, it's long, and probably silly...) both get heavily involved with the idea of buying tickets, (you obviously have a medical issue relating to flying - noted, so you can't just fly as a group.... so unfortunate)... just get all so enthusiastic about the wedding and all...

So, book the tickets in your name, pay for the tickets using this inheritance..... Then....

Go home, cancel the tickets and get a refund (in your names). Spend the money on IVF. Ignore your extended family, enjoy your life all the more.

It's probably a silly idea - in fact it is - I just like the definitive two-fingers-up it gives to the spending on a wedding, not IVF. NO idea if there's any mileage in it whatsoever, it just sounds beautifully vengeful.

MadDogWoman_2

No advice Babywanted just hugs.

I've been on the fertility treatment rollercoaster myself.

The thing with the NHS treatment is that it's not available in all areas, with very long waiting lists (2.5 years for me). Even if you do qualify are patient enough to wait you get only one cycle.

Huge hugs as infertility is mentally exhausting enough on its own without family and health stress.

notanewuser

DaftyDuck wrote: »

So, book the tickets in your name, pay for the tickets using this inheritance..... Then....

Go home, cancel the tickets and get a refund (in your names). Spend the money on IVF. Ignore your extended family, enjoy your life all the more.

Most plane tickets don't allow refunds.

seven-day-weekend

Babywanted wrote: »

Hi, ok so my situation is this

A couple of years ago a relative of my husbands died and there was some inheritance to be split between him and his sister.

This money was kept hold of by his parents until we were ready to use it

We had always planned to use it for fertility treatments as we desperately want children but have unexplained infertility

Fast forward to now and his sister has announced she wants to get married abroad, it's a very expensive place to go and will use all the inheritance, hubby's parents are forcing us to use hubby's share of the money to attend the wedding.

This alone makes me very sad while also angry especially as I am unable to travel that distance for health reasons so hubby would have to go alone

Plus that money was our only hope of iui or ivf treatments

Are we being selfish by not wanting to go ??

Absolutely not! How dare they dictate what he spends his money on. And if your sister gets married in an expensive place, she should understand that many people won't come.

Edited to add: Read further. It is not actually legally his money, is it. In that case I don't think there is anything you can do if they won't give it to him, especially if it is in a Bank Account with their name on., apart from appeal to their better natures.

Beckyy

Could OH look for cheaper flights and a hotel, and ask then the give him the money to pay for that and use the remaining amount towards IVF? Not necessarily what he want it for, but it sounds like there's no way he's going to see a penny of it if he doesn't go to the wedding.

Could there be a problem with your inlaws having to pay for the wedding but not being able to afford it so using the most of hubby's money to pay for it so they don't look bad to SILs fianc!s family?