Am I being selfish :(

Babywanted

MadDogWoman wrote: »

No advice Babywanted just hugs.

I've been on the fertility treatment rollercoaster myself.

The thing with the NHS treatment is that it's not available in all areas, with very long waiting lists (2.5 years for me). Even if you do qualify are patient enough to wait you get only one cycle.

Huge hugs as infertility is mentally exhausting enough on its own without family and health stress.

Thanks, it is heartbreaking and makes me sad every day

Babywanted

Beckyy wrote: »

Could OH look for cheaper flights and a hotel, and ask then the give him the money to pay for that and use the remaining amount towards IVF? Not necessarily what he want it for, but it sounds like there's no way he's going to see a penny of it if he doesn't go to the wedding.

Could there be a problem with your inlaws having to pay for the wedding but not being able to afford it so using the most of hubby's money to pay for it so they don't look bad to SILs fianc!s family?

We did consider this but MIL won't hand the cash to hubby, she says she would book his ticket but considering hubby doesn't want to go without me it's a no win situation

Scorpio33

I agree with a lot of what has been said here, and having gone through IVF, I can see exactly where you are coming from.

I would seperate the two issues - the wedding and the "inheretance".

My wife and I could have got married abroad, but we chose not to as we wanted everyone present. Its not just about the cost, its the stress of travelling, the hassle, the time off work etc. I would get your husband to tell his parents that both of you will not be going to the wedding overseas as long as it is overseas, mainly due to you not being able to make it. He would need to make it clear this is a collective decision from both of you.

I would also explain that the money that was promised to you should really be up to you to use how you see fit. Then tell them that you would like the money to use now as you have something you want to spend it on. If they ask what it is for, then I would ask what that has to do with them? The money money was for you to use how you wanted and now you want to use it. This will cause arguments, but the point in principle is the same - morally, it is your money. If they refuse, ask them why they will not hand it over, what is stopping them? As others haev stated, I suspect they do not have the money any more.

I would also ask them what if you two decided to get remarried and was going to force your SIL to use her share on your wedding? It is unreasonable for you to expect her to use her funds on something she would not really want to spend it on, so why should it be different this time?

They are obviously against any fertility treatment, so I would steer clear of mentioning this at all.

Families do make me anry sometime.

tea_lover

Post I was responding to has been deleted.

hazyjo

tea_lover wrote: »

Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

I really hope that a badly-judged 'joke'.

Why? I didn't take it as an insult or joke.

Jx

fabforty

Babywanted wrote: »

Sorry I don't think I explained that properly, the money was left and passed to hubby's mom with strict instructions that it was for the 2 grandchildren and nothing else.

They could say that spending it on attending the daughter's wedding is following his instructions (unless his strict instructions were that his grandchildren should get an equal share to spend as they choose). Your husband will still be getting a share, he just won't be spending it in the way that he wants to spend it.

Scorpio33

hazyjo wrote: »

Why? I didn't take it as an insult or joke.

Jx

If someone said that to me, I would be extremely insulted.

Remember also, we are not questioning the OPs decision to undertake fertility treatment, so any question surrounding this is irrelevant.

The issue is in money that is morally due to her and her partner that her in laws are refusing to hand over.

tea_lover

hazyjo wrote: »

Why? I didn't take it as an insult or joke.

Jx

It's incredibly offensive, not to mention totally off topic.

hazyjo

Maybe me as an adoptee, I didn't see it that way. I really don't think they meant to be offensive/funny.

Okay, off topic, yes. So let's get back to that...

Jx

hawk30

Adoption is often suggested to us infertile people. It may be well meaning, but it always made me want to scream, even though we were considering it. Adoption is extremely difficult in the UK and the children needing adoption generally have had traumatic lives that need special parents - it is not an easy option.