Am I being selfish :(

heartbreak_star

I think this is obviously a very personal and emotional subject. Some are likely to let their hearts rule their heads, others are a little more pragmatic and practical.

I'm in the latter camp. If I should ever want a child, and discovered I probably couldn't have one, I'd begin the adoption process ASAP. In fact, if I ever should want a child, I might adopt from the outset.

I really don't think anyone on here is attempting to be hurtful - just trying to explore all sides of a problem.

Please update us when you can, OP!

HBS x

notanewuser

Okay, okay. You can put your pitchforks down.

OP, I apologise if my posts have upset you - that wasn't my intention. In my case I always thought I would adopt rather than have a child that was genetically mine, so to me it's a perfectly reasonable question.

Good luck with your in laws and any future treatment you may take.

Nicki

Just to put the myth to rest, how about the FACTS from a real expert!

In a peer reviewed scientific survey, published under the title: "Adopted children and their families" the researcher Michael Bohman found that 8% of couples with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility conceived after adopting. This was compared and contrasted with a control group of couples with unexplained infertility who applied to adopt but discontinued the process without being pregnant at the time of discontinuance, of whom 8% subsequently conceived.

I think notanewuser's anecdotal evidence is as reliable as anecdotal evidence demonstrating that sitting on a cold step gives you haemmoroids, or peeling a raw potato gives you warts

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

Just to put the myth to rest, how about the FACTS from a real expert!

In a peer reviewed scientific survey, published under the title: "Adopted children and their families" the researcher Michael Bohman found that 8% of couples with a diagnosis of unexplained infertility conceived after adopting. This was compared and contrasted with a control group of couples with unexplained infertility who applied to adopt but discontinued the process without being pregnant at the time of discontinuance, of whom 8% subsequently conceived.

I think notanewuser's anecdotal evidence is as reliable as anecdotal evidence demonstrating that sitting on a cold step gives you haemmoroids, or peeling a raw potato gives you warts

Are you a bit giddy from being up there on your high horse?

At no point did I say it was scientific fact. At no point did I suggest it as a means to an end for the OP. She hasn't divulged whether she wants to be a mum or to carry a genetic child. I understand that posters will be swayed by their own experiences but you've read too much into the things I've said.

Toto

Not everyone can adopt. The OP has already mentioned her health issues so I can absolutely understand not wishing to open up their lives to the incredibly long, stressful and intrusive assessment as a first response. If they want to consider it they will, I doubt anyone needs someone on a forum to suggest adoption before they consider it as an option.

hazyjo

Just as a defence to notanewuser... my parents had my sister naturally not long after adopting me (again, no obvious medical reason why...). Couple of friends at school (many moons ago) in the same boat.

I don't think anyone's trying to get off topic, some people feel it necessary to defend their opinions or when things are said to or about them.

Oh, and I wasn't 'a last resort' either. Adopted as a baby, never felt any different to my sister, and certainly don't think of myself as not my parents' child - and I was very much wanted.

Just sayin'...

Maybe it wasn't anyone's place to ask if the OP had considered it (not said it in a way like 'you could always adopt'). But I don't think it deserved the response it got. We all see it from different sides, I'm sure. Someone else trying for kids may get offended. Someone who was adopted like me, may take offence at someone being offended!

Jx

tayforth

Babywanted - I've only read the first few posts so far, and am horrified at your OH's family. Of course you're not being selfish. They are.

(((Hugs)))

Babywanted

Ok so I just want to say thank you to everyone for taking time to give advice, ok there were some hurtful comments but they have vanished ??!! But anyway we still have no resolution about the financial side of things so are thinking the suggestion of a letter could be a good idea, at least that way we get to put all our feelings down without being interrupted.

Hubby is quite prepared to cut ties from his parents if needs be as he doesn't like their controlling nature and how much all this is upsetting me.

The comments about adoption, well of course my dream is to have our biological child which is why we want to try the Ivf route, if we fail with that then of course adoption is an option but while there is still hope we want to grab it !!!

paddy's_mum

Babywanted wrote: »

her dream is not ours

100% agree with this interpretation of the situation and it is why I believe that your in-laws are being cruel to the two of you.

Perhaps in his letter, your husband should point out that if they continue with this dictatorial and manipulative scheme, they will lose him.

Is the wedding so important that it outranks losing a child?

sassyblue

tea_lover wrote: »

That's even worse! For some people, maybe 'relaxing' :mad: will help. But it won't grow sperm, it won't mature eggs, it won't bypass damaged tubes, etc. Suggesting adoption and relaxation are seriously two of the most hurtful, insensitive and downright offensive things you can say to someone who's stuggling to conceive.

Agreed. How l loathe those ignorant comments. Do people assume that during sex everyone trying to have a family is so stressed they're lying there with fingers and toes crossed reciting their prayers in order to get pregnant?

OP l wish you the very best of luck in everything. X