Heartbroken. What to do?

JimmyTheWig

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Ending a marriage on the basis of having met someone else four weeks ago would be terrible thing to do.

I agree it would be a terrible thing to do. And that's not why he should end his marriage.
He should end his marriage (if he is being honest with you, which I honestly doubt but you never know) because the marriage isn't working. He should end his marriage because he doesn't love his wife. He should end his marriage because he doesn't want to be in his marriage any more.

If meeting you was the catalyst for him to realise this then fair enough. If your ultimatum is what it takes for him to walk away from a loveless marriage then so be it.
There's a fair chance that he will end his marriage and the two of you still don't work out. That's why he needs to end it if ending it is the right thing to do. If he has been truthful to you then ending his marriage is the right thing for him to do.

MrsE_2

SandC wrote: »

I agree with all the others OP, you are not in love with this man, there is no way that you could be.

Please, take it from me, I've seen it before...... if someone has fallen hopelessly in love with you and thinks it will be forever they will leave their current partner for you (not saying it actually works out or they don't to and fro between the both of you until it ends anyway). They will. They won't even take the children into consideration and if it's step children, well that would make it easy!

Take everything he says about his wife and their relationship with a huge pinch of salt. Really, you don't know this man.

So yes I am going to say forget it and move on...

Best piece of advice you've been given OP.

thorsoak

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I agree. I have to take the blame. I am not proud of what we have done. But I am not married.

BUT HE IS! And you know/knew that he is married. Whether or not the marriage is on the point of breaking down, he is still cheating. And, by default, so are you.

If you are what you say you are, an honest person, you will walk away from this sleazy situation. Surely you are worth more than this? Or are you?

UnLucky_in_Love

Brewstersmum wrote: »

OP if there is one positive thing from this, at least you know that your inner feelings can actually be stirred by another person. you did say in your first post you have been single for a while, given up, no good at dating etc...

good luck for the future x

Thanks Brewstersmum. You are right, if nothing else this has made me believe in love again, which has to be a good thing.

angelil

Valli wrote: »

So you've heard her side of it from his wife then?

Seriously. walk away now. It's one of those 'another time another place' things. If it is meant to be he will end his marriage and then look for you.

Valli is right. He needs to choose. Feeling so sorry for you OP but you and he can only really have a relationship if he is willing to leave his wife.

Valli

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I understand people are upset about me seeing a married man, but may I remind you that almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. It is not like it is unheard of.

I am not happy about the situation, and most definitely not proud of it. I am disappointed with myself for getting involved with someone who is married but we can't rewind the clock.

But not every marriage ends due to the infidelity of one or both partners.

Valli

thorsoak wrote: »

BUT HE IS! And you know/knew that he is married. Whether or not the marriage is on the point of breaking down, he is still cheating. And, by default, so are you.

How can OP be cheating by default? Complicit yes; but cheating by default? No.

UnLucky_in_Love

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

I agree it would be a terrible thing to do. And that's not why he should end his marriage.
He should end his marriage (if he is being honest with you, which I honestly doubt but you never know) because the marriage isn't working. He should end his marriage because he doesn't love his wife. He should end his marriage because he doesn't want to be in his marriage any more.

If meeting you was the catalyst for him to realise this then fair enough. If your ultimatum is what it takes for him to walk away from a loveless marriage then so be it.
There's a fair chance that he will end his marriage and the two of you still don't work out. That's why he needs to end it if ending it is the right thing to do. If he has been truthful to you then ending his marriage is the right thing for him to do.

I completely agree with you. We have discussed this and I will put it to him again. He needs to end his marriage out of his own accord (if that's the right thing to do).

SandC

My criticism is mainly for the bloke concerned but he's not here to say it to and most certainly won't be asking for advice on forums on what on earth to do about this situation.... he doesn't sound like that kind of guy somehow........

I'm sure we've all had our heads turned before now and I know I've been with a couple of attached men in the past which I am not proud of and have been dealt the same treatment myself so karma got me.....

The problem we often have is we think that others have the same morals and ethics as we do, so if we meet someone else whilst in a serious relationship or marriage it must be one of those 'written in the stars' situations because that's the only way it could ever happen.......

BitterAndTwisted

What man would leave his wife and step-children for the sort of woman who only needs a couple of hours of transparent flim-flam from someone married to drop her drawers?

The answer is "none".