Heartbroken. What to do?

Person_one

Valli wrote: »

He's the one who deserves the criticism IMO - he's the one who is breaking promises.

If he was here I'd be criticising him, but the OP is behaving immorally too, she knows he's committed to another woman.

UnLucky_in_Love

thorsoak wrote: »

They got married jusst 1 1/2 years ago???

And he's got itchy feet already?

Just remember - when a man marries his mistress, it leaves a vacancy ...for another mistress.

Thanks for this. I know. I find it worrying, and so does he. As I said he had never contemplated infidelity before.

tea_lover

Valli wrote: »

He's the one who deserves the criticism IMO - he's the one who is breaking promises.

Absolutely - and if he came on here and posted I'm pretty sure he'd get criticism!

But the OP isn't blameless in this. By her own admission she knew this guy was married before they'd even met.

CH27

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Thanks for this. I know. I find it worrying, and so does he. As I said he had never contemplated infidelity before.

Bulltish

paulineb_2

People can have sex at any time of the day or night.

My wife doesn't understand me. Only staying for the sake of the kids. We don't have sex.

More likely to be lies than the truth. When a friend of mine was 17 she started seeing her 31 year old married boss. Who didn't sleep with his wife.

When his wife got pregnant with the second child that was a one off according to him.

Pull the other one. It's playing jingle bells.

If you stay in contact with this man, you risk having years of misery ahead of you.

He has no intention of leaving his wife. You are being played.

UnLucky_in_Love

tea_lover wrote: »

Or he could be emailing you from bed. He could by lying there right next to his wife and writing to you about how much he loves you and what a horrible, horrible person she is.

You can't really be this naive.

Point taken, but no, really. Academics have strange working habits but they rarely work in bed. (We talk work a lot as well, we are in the same field.)

hazyjo

It is SO very easy to get caught up in the moment.

BUT... by jumping straight in, you've already crossed lines and basically said you're okay with the situation. If you'd have both felt that 'something' and said 'look, there's obviously a connection, ring me if you're ever single', then fine. I do believe in that spark.

My first husband left me for someone he worked with. Obviously I fell apart, but 13 years later, they seem blissfully happy.

I left my second husband and got involved with someone very quickly who we both knew (he was fine with that and used to come round to see us both, bring drinks, etc - bizarre, but worked out okay for all in the end).

I also got involved with a married man and another who lived with someone. I WAS TOTALLY UNAWARE. First time, his wife rang me one lunchtime to tell me. I had two holidays booked with him, had been to his house (he lived near Manchester), we were several months into a relationship (and we'd chatted online for months before that). Second bloke said he was single, then I worked it out he was with someone, then he said they were splitting up and just separating the financials, blah blah blah. It went on and on and on and on - until I walked after realising he was never leaving in the first place and certainly not at that point months down the line.

My friend is seeing someone who's married. She's under TOTAL belief his marriage is over, that he's seen a solicitor, that his mum knows about her, that his eldest daughter (still under 10) knows... BUT he apparently managed one 'weak moment' months after starting up chats/talking to my friend (we knew him from school over 25 years ago) and had sex with his wife, resulting in a baby (born a couple of months ago. They have 2 other children). Honestly, from an outsider's position, it's black and white. But she won't have none of it. We met him and thought he just seemed sleazy and a bit of an a*se.

Try not to go all Romeo and Juliet and see it for what it is. I look back on 'more-or-less-married-bloke' now and think of all the wasted months (he still emails sometimes - over 10 years later). He was a very manipulative older man who I regret ever meeting. Easy to see it now. Was deluded at the time.

Jx

UnLucky_in_Love

tea_lover wrote: »

Absolutely - and if he came on here and posted I'm pretty sure he'd get criticism!

But the OP isn't blameless in this. By her own admission she knew this guy was married before they'd even met.

I agree. I have to take the blame. I am not proud of what we have done. But I am not married.

Hard_Up_Hester

He sounds like a friend of my husband.
He can't leave his wife because of the children (he hardly ever sees them as he's too busy screwing around.
He will definitely leave when the youngest starts school (she's 15 years old)
He never gets any sex at home (his wife frequently complains that she'd like more sex but he's not interested)
He once sent me a text at 2 in the morning saying 'Fancy a shag, I'm feeling horny', I replied at 6:30 when I was getting up for work, explaining that he'd sent the text to the wrong person.
Hester

Valli

tea_lover wrote: »

Absolutely - and if he came on here and posted I'm pretty sure he'd get criticism!

But the OP isn't blameless in this. By her own admission she knew this guy was married before they'd even met.

The OP is possibly vulnerable - and therefore easy prey - being 30+ and a single female isn't a nice place to be.
If he is playing the 'my step children need me' card he KNOWS what he's doing; he's probably done it before, he'll do it again...
in the fullness of time no doubt the OP will consider she has been stupid and will be feeling guilty and he will have moved on to his next conquest. Probably an even more vulnerable and naive student:(