Heartbroken. What to do?

UnLucky_in_Love

I can see where you are coming from but that's really not the case.

Valli

If I were you I would delete the last sentence (post 20) - or get a fire extinguisher;)

That makes even less sense to be honest. It's the classic - my wife doesn't understand me. Married for less than 2 years. You've had a lucky escape. He sounds like a right piece of work. Using STEPchildren as an excuse not to leave her? And to think he has influence over students. Hmmm.

BitterAndTwisted

"This isn't about sex". Of course it ruddy-well is! There's nothing else in this one-night-stand with a stranger other than sex. If you believe there's anything else in this you are deluded and have been watching too many Hollywood movies.

"He and his wife don''t sleep together". "They're only together because of the children". These are the classic lies only a serial philandrer would come out with. And the only ones a besotted self-deluder would accept.

This isn't special and you are not some romantic star-crossed lovers.

tea_lover

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I can see where you are coming from but that's really not the case.

How do you know? Because he told you how he's never done this before? Told you how special you are? Told you he's not even sleeping in the same room as his wife anymore?

The only thing you know for certain about this guy is that he's a cheat. Why would you believe any thing he says?

SavingPennies_2

tea_lover wrote: »

Of course I haven't led a blameless life, but I've never slept with someone else's husband then gone on the internet to slag off his wife.

I stand by every word of my post and it's nowhere near as strong as what I'd like to post.

Anyway, it's half term so this is probably a bored kid.

Point taken, its just OP being a newbie and all. Anyway I think I will step out of this one before it kicks off

Person_one

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I can see where you are coming from but that's really not the case.

Sometimes the truth hurts, doesn't mean its not the truth.

JimmyTheWig

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

We are both puzzled by how it could have happened. He had never even contemplated infidelity before we met, and neither have I.

That's what he told you, at least.

From what yuo've said I don't think he will, but would you want him to leave his wife for you?
If so, tell him outright that's what you want him to do and give him a week to do it. If he leaves it any longer than that then it will never happen.

The worst thing would be you hanging on forever hoping he might leave her one day.
The second worst thing would be you calling it off and spend the next few years wondering "if only".

arbroath_lass

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I knew before he arrived that he is married

And yet you still did it :eek:. Sorry, but, you've been played. All he wanted was a dirty weekend (which he got). He told you exactly what you wanted to hear. If you could talk to a colleague I bet they'd tell you about others he's done it to. Any decent man would end one relationship before starting another.

Think of it as a lucky escape.

UnLucky_in_Love

fake_smile wrote: »

I take it you have never been cheated on?

Because if you had then I doubt you would inflict that kind of pain on another person because of some crush - which is essentially all it is.

No I haven't (as far as I am aware). And I am incredibly uncomfortable with it (which is why we cannot continue). I would hate if someone did this to me. But equally I wouldn't stay in a very unhappy relationship, or I would try to do something about it, something which his wife isn't prepared to do.

paulineb_2

You aren't in love with this man. Take the rose tinted specs off.
I agree, he's given you the whole my wife doesn't understand me to get his leg over. I'm assuming you and he did have sex.

Stop the emails, cut all contact. Find someone who is available or stay single. Both preferable to this mess.

He's married. Stay away.