Heartbroken. What to do?

paulineb_2

Person_one wrote: »

So he's got you to leave him alone and make no demands on him until he gets in touch with you when he feels like it?

He's not stupid, is he? :rotfl:

He could actually be thinking, what a mistake, slept with someone I really liked as a one off but she now wants a future with me and I dont.

UnLucky_in_Love

Valli wrote: »

It's not actually up to you. It's up to him. He has to decide whether he wants to maintain his marriage because he has stepchildren to whom he is, apparently, devoted.

Chances are these children will no longer be part of his life if he does decide to leave his wife. So much for his 'devotion'.

So you have a choice. Either you play the waiting game or you call an end to it now.

You're behaving like a lovesick teenager. He's behaving like an utter cad.

Yes. It is of course his decision. All I can do is remove myself from the situation. His devotion to the kids is obvious.

I don't disagree re teenager.

Valli

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

You guys need to stop focusing on the sex. It is in no way what defines our relationship (which, by the way, has now ended). I think we were both overwhelmed by a situation which has arisen completely unexpectedly. In hindsight, should we have slept with each other? Probably not. Does it make a difference? I don't think so. Much of our meeting was spent deliberating the points mentioned by many people on this thread.

I think the thing that arose unexpectedly - or not - was tucked up in his trousers.:D

And the sex DOES make a difference. Because now you have 'consummated' your 'relationship' you seem to think there's a chance for you as a couple. Assuming, of course, he chooses to leave his wife of less than 2 years but with whom he, apparently, no longer has a future.

If he really wanted to be with you he would have left her already. You need to get real. At the moment both his wife and her children (not his - HERS) matter more to him than you do.

paulineb_2

I can actually say, as someone who was cheated on, it did bother me very much that I was lied to and that my then bf was sleeping with someone else for 3 months behind my back before he told me. Because the thing is, unless you are in an open relationship and you know that your partner is sleeping with someone else, most people would expect as a matter of course that their partner isnt going to be sleeping with another person. Its one of these things you take for granted.

But similar to other people on here, he got binned and the other woman !!!!!!ed off at the speed of light.

paulineb_2

Valli wrote: »

I think the thing that arose unexpectedly - or not - was tucked up in his trousers.:D

And the sex DOES make a difference. Because now you have 'consummated' your 'relationship' you seem to think there's a chance for you as a couple. Assuming, of course, he chooses to leave the wife of less than 2 years but with whom he, apparently, no longer has a future.

If he really wanted to be with you he would have left her already.

Thats the bottom line. He doesnt need to wait until after Christmas to leave, if he wanted to be with you as much as he says he does, hed be with you now. And I bet his wife and stepkids would have a better Christmas knowing their life isnt based on a lie.

meer53

paulineb wrote: »

Or he could go the whole hog and tell the kids too, over Christmas dinner, like a bad eastenders episode.

I know you're joking but i found out about my ex's affair on Xmas day 2002. We were going to a friends on Boxing day for a family meal so i managed to keep it to myself until the day after.

To cut a really long story short, he came home 3 times in the following 12 months, the last time was the week before Xmas 2003. On Xmas day 2003, he decided to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about his slapper GF so i threw him out. I packed his bags and threw them down the stairs. He couldn't fit them all in his stupid Maserati so i left the rest on the doorstep for him.

That was the day i turned the corner, and i have never looked back.

So it does happen in real life too, not just in Soapland !

UnLucky_in_Love

Person_one wrote: »

So he's got you to leave him alone and make no demands on him until he gets in touch with you when he feels like it?

He's not stupid, is he? :rotfl:

As I said we both recognise the imbalance. The stakes for him are much higher. I am in for more pain.

Going from 1000 emails in a month to zero isn't easy on either of us.

paulineb_2

meer53 wrote: »

I know you're joking but i found out about my ex's affair on Xmas day 2002. We were going to a friends on Boxing day for a family meal so i managed to keep it to myself until the day after.

To cut a really long story short, he came home 3 times in the following 12 months, the last time was the week before Xmas 2003. On Xmas day 2003, he decided to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about his slapper GF so i threw him out. I packed his bags and threw them down the stairs. He couldn't fit them all in his stupid Maserati so i left the rest on the doorstep for him.

That was the day i turned the corner, and i have never looked back.

So it does happen in real life too, not just in Soapland !

Good for you. I bet it does. As I said above, getting the leaving out of the way before Christmas would probably lead to a better festive season all round for the wife and stepkids of this man.

Staying for Christmas and New Year when youre feelings are supposedly elsewhere is just a sham and doing no one any favours.

Valli

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

As I said we both recognise the imbalance. The stakes for him are much higher. I am in for more pain.

Going from 1000 emails in a month to zero isn't easy on either of us.

But he'll be fine - because he's playing happy families while you're alone on a Saturday night;)

(as am I - difference is I'm not pining for some unattainable bloke;))

Pechow

The longer he stays with his wife, who he's apparently having so many issues with, the harder it's going to be on the kids if he decides to leave. Especially if they ever find out how their Mum's partner was meeting up with the other woman months beforehand-they'll have to deal with that, their Mum's reaction to that, and with the thought that when they thought everything was okay and they were having a great Christmas (etc) the guy thought otherwise. They'll see it as him basically lying to them the whole time. I hope they never do find out-but then, the chances of him actually leaving his wife are low, so...