Heartbroken. What to do?

clearingout

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Must say I don't get cross very easily but this is ludicrous. I haven't ridiculed anyone. I was actually making an important point. We all assume that nobody ever does it but how do we know.

I am grateful for all the advice received. It is clear that folks on here have been terribly hurt by affairs, or know people who have been hurt. Two points:

- People aren't very likely to admit to having had affairs.
- People aren't very likely to admit that they are unhappy in their marriage, want to leave, have met someone else etc.

Thus I would take the collective wisdom on here with a pinch of salt. I am a strong believer that one shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship if there is no hope. This isn't for me to decide though.

really? perhaps look back at your posts and think about the tone you are using. You've just done it here with your mirror comment about 'collective wisdom'.

You are not willing to consider any alternative. I hope you are right. You are more than likely going to be wrong. Somehow I am beginning to feel you kind of deserve it.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

You would take the collective wisdom with a pinch of salt. Really?

Dont you think that some husbands or wives find out about affairs without the person who is having the affair admitting it?

My goodness. Ive seen so many people run about covering their tracks, sleeping with other people and all it takes is one slip up and the whole affair is out in the open.

More often than not as other people have said, the person who has promised everything runs for the hills, or back to their wife/live in partner begging for forgiveness.

Again. You dont know hes unhappy. You are believing what hes telling you, theres a big difference.

I am not denying any of this. I was objecting to the comment that I was ridiculing posters on here.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

So now it seems to matter that I have mentioned it. Makes no sense to me.

We don't require contraception advice, but thanks anyway

This is clearly a very emotive subject, that's for sure.

Well you mentioned it. No one else did. If it were that important, why bring it up in the first place.

PS, you can crack on all you like with your sarcastic comments and your smiley incons

I just hope that in a few months time you'll be happy and not posting up the sequel to this sorry tale

And I certainly hope his wife finds a bit of happiness.

Valli

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I am a strong believer that one shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship if there is no hope. This isn't for me to decide though.

Totally agree with this. However I also feel that one should not be lining up the next partner/lover while there is still one in place.

Apart from anything else a person cannot be thinking clearly if they are 'seeing' someone while there is a partner already on the scene.

If you're unhappy you leave/separate.

When the dust has settled and you're feeling ready to move on that's when you start looking for someone else, if that's what you want.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I am not denying any of this. I was objecting to the comment that I was ridiculing posters on here.

I see. I must have imagined all the smileys and the sarcasm towards me in your posts?

UnLucky_in_Love

clearingout wrote: »

really? perhaps look back at your posts and think about the tone you are using. You've just done it here with your mirror comment about 'collective wisdom'.

You are not willing to consider any alternative. I hope you are right. You are more than likely going to be wrong. Somehow I am beginning to feel you kind of deserve it.

Apologies it my tone comes across as insincere or sarcastic. Again, I am not a native speaker.

Re collective wisdom: I was referring to another poster who talked of the "wisdom of the collective experience" so apologies for misquoting.

meer53

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Must say I don't get cross very easily but this is ludicrous. I haven't ridiculed anyone. I was actually making an important point. We all assume that nobody ever does it but how do we know.

I am grateful for all the advice received. It is clear that folks on here have been terribly hurt by affairs, or know people who have been hurt. Two points:

- People aren't very likely to admit to having had affairs.
- People aren't very likely to admit that they are unhappy in their marriage, want to leave, have met someone else etc.

Thus I would take the collective wisdom on here with a pinch of salt. I am a strong believer that one shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship if there is no hope. This isn't for me to decide though.

You're absolutely right OP. You shouldn't stay in a relationship if you're unhappy. But, and there is a huge BUT here, only a coward and a liar will sort himself out with another woman before telling his poor unsuspecting wife that he isn't happy in his relationship. It's a win win for him isn't it ? If you decide not to continue with the relationship, he still has his wife and kids, if you do, he gets to start a new life with you.

I really hope you know what you're letting yourself in for before you decide. In my opinion, you can't possibly, at this stage, have any idea of what this man is really like. From the little i've learned about him, from what you've posted, i'd give him a wide berth. He's a cheat and a liar, nothing more. I know, because i've been there.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

I see. I must have imagined all the smileys and the sarcasm towards me in your posts?

Indeed?

(Do posts on here have to be of a minimum length?)

UnLucky_in_Love

Valli wrote: »

Totally agree with this. However I also feel that one should not be lining up the next partner/lover while there is still one in place.

Apart from anything else a person cannot be thinking clearly if they are 'seeing' someone while there is a partner already on the scene.

If you're unhappy you leave/separate.

When the dust has settled and you're feeling ready to move on that's when you start looking for someone else, if that's what you want.

I completely agree, which is why we are doing just that.

clearingout

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I completely agree, which is why we are doing just that.

No. He is living with his wife, with life going on 'as normal' until Xmas. At Xmas, or just after, he will presumably decide which woman he wants in his life and dump the one that no longer interests him. This is very different to realising that you no longer love someone and making a decision to end that relationship before moving into something new. The difference is decency, self-respect, respect for others, honesty, integrity. What you're dealing with is a man who lies, cheats and has several women 'on hold' at any given moment - no decency, honesty, integrity or respect (self or otherwise) in that, is there?