Heartbroken. What to do?

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Certainly not. And he won't. It is not a fixed deadline. He might have come to a decision by then. He might need more time. We will see.

I can tell you right now, that the more time he needs is likely to be years rather than weeks or months

1 My wife wont cope without me
2 My stepkids will be brokenhearted without me
3 Its almost my wifes birthday, I cant leave yet

And if you think I havent been close to people who have been in affairs with married men, I have. Someone I know spent 7 years of their life with someone, got every excuse in the book and then booted them to the kerb.

If you think its not possible to be lied to for that length of time, it absolutely is. And youve already said you love him, so when push comes to shove, you may not find it easy just to walk away.

I hope you do, because everything youve said so far just screams heartache to me. Yours.

UnLucky_in_Love

Person_one wrote: »

So who will be playing you both in the movie? I'd guess you're imagining George Clooney and Emily Blunt maybe...

I couldn't possibly comment on who should play me.

George Clooney would probably be a popular choice but the man in question is unlike George Clooney in every possible way so I'm not sure.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I couldn't possibly comment on who should play me.

George Clooney would probably be a popular choice but the man in question is unlike George Clooney in every possible way so I'm not sure.

Well at least George for all his partners, doesnt do married women.

meer53

OP, this bloke is stringing you along. Saying he's agreed to leave it until the new year is very convenient for him isn't it ? Xmas is always stressful for families, this way, he has the chance to have his merry xmas with his wife and kids, whilst safe in the knowledge that you'll be waiting for him when he's played the part of loving family man over xmas.

The sensible thing for you to do is to stop all contact, now and in the future. Once he's "evaluated" his family situation and decided to leave his wife and kids, then you should make contact with him. And not before.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

I can tell you right now, that the more time he needs is likely to be years rather than weeks or months

1 My wife wont cope without me
2 My stepkids will be brokenhearted without me
3 Its almost my wifes birthday, I cant leave yet

And if you think I havent been close to people who have been in affairs with married men, I have. Someone I know spent 7 years of their life with someone, got every excuse in the book and then booted them to the kerb.

If you think its not possible to be lied to for that length of time, it absolutely is. And youve already said you love him, so when push comes to shove, you may not find it easy just to walk away.

I hope you do, because everything youve said so far just screams heartache to me. Yours.

Thanks for this. I am well aware of the heartache potential for myself (more than him). From experience with how I deal with stuff I know that self preservation mode will kick in eventually. Seven years is ridiculous. It is definitely not easy to walk away, and I will give it some time but we are talking months not years. I am not willing to give up yet but I can't (and won't) hang onto this forever.

UnLucky_in_Love

meer53 wrote: »

OP, this bloke is stringing you along. Saying he's agreed to leave it until the new year is very convenient for him isn't it ? Xmas is always stressful for families, this way, he has the chance to have his merry xmas with his wife and kids, whilst safe in the knowledge that you'll be waiting for him when he's played the part of loving family man over xmas.

The sensible thing for you to do is to stop all contact, now and in the future. Once he's "evaluated" his family situation and decided to leave his wife and kids, then you should make contact with him. And not before.

Thanks. This is exactly what we are going to do. The expectation is that it will take until after Christmas/New Year to come to this decision. If it takes longer then it takes longer.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

Well at least George for all his partners, doesnt do married women.

Just out of interest, how do you know?

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Thanks for this. I am well aware of the heartache potential for myself (more than him). From experience with how I deal with stuff I know that self preservation mode will kick in eventually. Seven years is ridiculous. It is definitely not easy to walk away, and I will give it some time but we are talking months not years. I am not willing to give up yet but I can't (and won't) hang onto this forever.

Sorry, 7 years isnt ridiculous. Because when you start something, you think someone will get free and then you get excuse after excuse after excuse and by that time your feelings are involved and its hard to leave.

And the person you are involved with doesnt make it easy for you to leave. You get letters, phone calls, flowers, crying. Manipulation.

So something can easily drag on for years. And the person I know who had this affair is one of the strongest and cleverest people I know. But she fell in love with a ratbag and someone who was weak, but selfish as well, because he didnt want to let her go.

And lets see when self preservation does kick in for you, because after 2 meetings you say you love him and you are heartbroken?

You might not find it so easy to disentangle your emotions.

But I bet you one thing. Hes going to have a better Christmas than you are. Because you'll be sitting waiting for him to make contact and he'll be with his wife and stepkids.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Just out of interest, how do you know?

His relationships are high profile and hes not dated anyone over the last 20 years or so who is married.

But I get your point. He could secretly be banging some married bird and no one might ever know about it.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Thanks. This is exactly what we are going to do. The expectation is that it will take until after Christmas/New Year to come to this decision. If it takes longer then it takes longer.

Come to what decision? One where he leaves his wife and stepkids to be with you?