Heartbroken. What to do?

paulineb_2

I actually think that no matter the advice you get on here, you've already made your mind up that this man is telling the truth about his marriage and that you hope he leaves her and the stepkids to be with you.

And if thats the case, I wish you well, but prepare yourself for a lot of heartache along the way. Because when kids are involved, even stepkids, its not that easy just to walk.

They may love this man and be absolutely devastated if he leaves, but I do think given his actions in the long run they'll be better off without him.

And so will his wife, she'll be free to find someone else who isnt sleeping with someone else behind her back.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

That doesnt make your conscience any clearer when youve been to bed with someone elses husband. Or it shouldnt.

You could have said no. You have betrayed her. Youve slept with her husband knowing he was married and I bet you are easing your conscience because you believe all the chat about them being unhappy.

If he had said he was happily married would you have done it?

I must say I disagree here. Again I am not saying it's great. He took the decision to cheat on her. I am not cheating on anyone.

I find it interesting that most posters on here are focusing on the sex. For us that's not the point at all.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I must say I disagree here. Again I am not saying it's great. He took the decision to cheat on her. I am not cheating on anyone.

I find it interesting that most posters on here are focusing on the sex. For us that's not the point at all.

You are sleeping with someone elses husband, that would make you implicated in their divorce if it goes down that route and she chooses to divorce him on those grounds.

And if the meeting of minds was the most important thing, why mention the sex at all?

I hope you are using contraception, I must say that my friend who left her husband and got pregnant to the new man, was very happy to be having his child, but she didnt plan it and she was on the pill when it happened. She had left her husband by the time she was pregnant and she was living with the other man, but it wasnt planned and she was using contraception.

So really, when you sleep with someone who is someone elses, you also risk getting pregnant which would just cause more chaos, heartache.

And you run the risk of him then running for the hills. Far more to sleeping with someone elses partner than just feeling guilt over it or not as the case may be.

If you think thats a risk worth taking thats entirely your choice

meer53

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I do. But I haven't betrayed her. I am not saying it's great, but I'm the single person here.

What a ridiculous way of looking at it !

Yes, you are the single person.But you are also the single person who has slept with a married man, knowing that he was married and had a family. You can't shift the blame, or did he make you sleep with him ? No, thought not.

My ex had an affair, we have 2 children. clearingout is spot on with her post. I too am happier now than i've ever been. I'm happier because i no longer have to share my life with a man who tells lies. No matter what you think about your man OP, he's a liar. And in my book, once a liar, always a liar.

My ex left me for the woman he had the affair with. They have now split up too. It makes me happy that he's now alone, i believe in Karma.

CH27

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I must say I disagree here. Again I am not saying it's great. He took the decision to cheat on her. I am not cheating on anyone.

I find it interesting that most posters on here are focusing on the sex. For us that's not the point at all.

He emotionally & physically betrayed her.
You were party to that betrayal as you knew about her & that makes you very guilty too.

Pechow

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I must say I disagree here. Again I am not saying it's great. He took the decision to cheat on her. I am not cheating on anyone.

I find it interesting that most posters on here are focusing on the sex. For us that's not the point at all.

Then why couldn't you wait until he left his oh-so-terrible wife before you slept with each other?

brasso

poet123 wrote: »

And how do you know that?

Observation.

Many times, I've listened to bleating, sanctimonious people make judgements about others when I know darn well that they are a very long way from perfection themselves.

Oh, how we love to pour buckets of disdain over people -- particularly strangers. But how many of us have histories that would stand up to close examination?

Very few, IMO.

UnLucky_in_Love

clearingout wrote: »

why post on a public forum looking for advice if all you can do is ridicule the people who are commenting?

Must say I don't get cross very easily but this is ludicrous. I haven't ridiculed anyone. I was actually making an important point. We all assume that nobody ever does it but how do we know.

I am grateful for all the advice received. It is clear that folks on here have been terribly hurt by affairs, or know people who have been hurt. Two points:

- People aren't very likely to admit to having had affairs.
- People aren't very likely to admit that they are unhappy in their marriage, want to leave, have met someone else etc.

Thus I would take the collective wisdom on here with a pinch of salt. I am a strong believer that one shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship if there is no hope. This isn't for me to decide though.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Must say I don't get cross very easily but this is ludicrous. I haven't ridiculed anyone. I was actually making an important point. We all assume that nobody ever does it but how do we know.

I am grateful for all the advice received. It is clear that folks on here have been terribly hurt by affairs, or know people who have been hurt. Two points:

- People aren't very likely to admit to having had affairs.
- People aren't very likely to admit that they are unhappy in their marriage, want to leave, have met someone else etc.

Thus I would take the collective wisdom on here with a pinch of salt. I am a strong believer that one shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship if there is no hope. This isn't for me to decide though.

You would take the collective wisdom with a pinch of salt. Really?

Dont you think that some husbands or wives find out about affairs without the person who is having the affair admitting it?

My goodness. Ive seen so many people run about covering their tracks, sleeping with other people and all it takes is one slip up and the whole affair is out in the open.

More often than not as other people have said, the person who has promised everything runs for the hills, or back to their wife/live in partner begging for forgiveness.

Again. You dont know hes unhappy. You are believing what hes telling you, theres a big difference.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

You are sleeping with someone elses husband, that would make you implicated in their divorce if it goes down that route and she chooses to divorce him on those grounds.

And if the meeting of minds was the most important thing, why mention the sex at all?

I hope you are using contraception, I must say that my friend who left her husband and got pregnant to the new man, was very happy to be having his child, but she didnt plan it and she was on the pill when it happened. She had left her husband by the time she was pregnant and she was living with the other man, but it wasnt planned and she was using contraception.

So really, when you sleep with someone who is someone elses, you also risk getting pregnant which would just cause more chaos, heartache.

And you run the risk of him then running for the hills. Far more to sleeping with someone elses partner than just feeling guilt over it or not as the case may be.

If you think thats a risk worth taking thats entirely your choice

So now it seems to matter that I have mentioned it. Makes no sense to me.

We don't require contraception advice, but thanks anyway

This is clearly a very emotive subject, that's for sure.