Heartbroken. What to do?

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

Sorry, 7 years isnt ridiculous. Because when you start something, you think someone will get free and then you get excuse after excuse after excuse and by that time your feelings are involved and its hard to leave.

And the person you are involved with doesnt make it easy for you to leave. You get letters, phone calls, flowers, crying. Manipulation.

So something can easily drag on for years. And the person I know who had this affair is one of the strongest and cleverest people I know. But she fell in love with a ratbag and someone who was weak, but selfish as well, because he didnt want to let her go.

And lets see when self preservation does kick in for you, because after 2 meetings you say you love him and you are heartbroken?

You might not find it so easy to disentangle your emotions.

But I bet you one thing. Hes going to have a better Christmas than you are. Because you'll be sitting waiting for him to make contact and he'll be with his wife and stepkids.

Thanks for your concern, but I will be with my family and loved ones, and inted to have a lovely Christmas. I am heartbroken, I will have to deal with it. (Btw no flowers, chocolates etc. We are both not the type.)

Person_one

Do you at all care that you've done something wrong here?

Do you have a thought at all to spare for a woman who's only been married 18 months and has been betrayed already?

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

Come to what decision? One where he leaves his wife and stepkids to be with you?

Whether or not to walk away from his failing marriage.

UnLucky_in_Love

Person_one wrote: »

Do you at all care that you've done something wrong here?

Do you have a thought at all to spare for a woman who's only been married 18 months and has been betrayed already?

I do. But I haven't betrayed her. I am not saying it's great, but I'm the single person here.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Thanks for your concern, but I will be with my family and loved ones, and inted to have a lovely Christmas. I am heartbroken, I will have to deal with it. (Btw no flowers, chocolates etc. We are both not the type.)

You dont actually know what this mans type is. Youve already fallen for his woe is me my wife doesnt understand me line. I didnt actually mention chocolates, you did.

And you might have a lovely Christmas, but I bet this man will be on your mind all during the festive season.

And my concern about you and your situation is real. Ive seen other people be hurt by married men. And there doesnt need to be flowers and chocolates flying around for that to happen.

Person_one

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I do. But I haven't betrayed her. I am not saying it's great, but I'm the single person here.

Doesn't really fly with me I'm afraid.

You knew full well from the off he was taken, you're not an innocent party here, she is.

Have you taken a moment to put yourself in her shoes?

BitterAndTwisted

Unlucky In Love: don't be like my sister. She embarked on an affair with a man who was married and had a family. Except she was married, too. And ended it after 20-odd years so she could be with him. Except that she isn't and will probably never be. There has never been a "right time" to admit all and leave his wife for years now. That could be your "if it takes longer then it takes longer".

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I do. But I haven't betrayed her. I am not saying it's great, but I'm the single person here.

That doesnt make your conscience any clearer when youve been to bed with someone elses husband. Or it shouldnt.

You could have said no. You have betrayed her. Youve slept with her husband knowing he was married and I bet you are easing your conscience because you believe all the chat about them being unhappy.

If he had said he was happily married would you have done it?

paulineb_2

I actually hope for his wifes sake and the kids that he is miserable and does leave. Because no one wants to be with someone who is willing to lie about how awful their partner is, just to get into someones knickers.

They will be better off without him if he goes, because hes telling someone he barely knows how miserable his marriage is, so why stay?

And you will be free to decide whether you want to be with this man.

clearingout

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Just out of interest, how do you know?

why post on a public forum looking for advice if all you can do is ridicule the people who are commenting? there are lots of people who have posted here who have been on the wrong end of an affair - and yet all they have tried to do is offer sensible advice based on their experiences. What you are failing to see here is the wisdom of the collective experience which quite clearly shows that exceptions to the rule are incredibly, incredibly rare.

I am 5 years on from my ex cheating on me. I lost everything, including my home and my sense of self and just about everything that was important to me at that moment in time. I have clawed my way back, slowly (very slowly) and have a far better quality of life today than I would ever have had with my ex. I have had relationships and dates (and more dates) and am quietly hopeful that a new relationship will present itself when the time is right. I have met a lot of people along the way - some in real life, some online - all of whom have also been cheated on. I can tell you that WITHOUT EXCEPTION we all enjoy a better life today than we did and that again without exception, our exs continue to flounder about, shifting from relationship to relationship and all have, at some point (some sooner than others) have begged to be allowed to return. None of them have peace of mind. None of them are with the person they left us for within 2 years of leaving. All of them left for someone like you, desperate to believe every word, happy to make nasty comments about us, happy to step into our shoes without so much as a backward glance or a 'gosh, I'm sorry'. All believe they got themselves a fabulous catch. But their relationships lasted weeks, months, 2 years at most. Hardly 'true love lasts forever', is it?