Heartbroken. What to do?

meer53

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I completely agree, which is why we are doing just that.

So if you agree, why did you meet and sleep with him ? You knew he was married. Bit of a contradiction there.

UnLucky_in_Love

meer53 wrote: »

You're absolutely right OP. You shouldn't stay in a relationship if you're unhappy. But, and there is a huge BUT here, only a coward and a liar will sort himself out with another woman before telling his poor unsuspecting wife that he isn't happy in his relationship. It's a win win for him isn't it ? If you decide not to continue with the relationship, he still has his wife and kids, if you do, he gets to start a new life with you.

I really hope you know what you're letting yourself in for before you decide. In my opinion, you can't possibly, at this stage, have any idea of what this man is really like. From the little i've learned about him, from what you've posted, i'd give him a wide berth. He's a cheat and a liar, nothing more. I know, because i've been there.

Thanks. Good advice that I will try to adhere to. We both recognise the imbalance.

UnLucky_in_Love

clearingout wrote: »

No. He is living with his wife, with life going on 'as normal' until Xmas. At Xmas, or just after, he will presumably decide which woman he wants in his life and dump the one that no longer interests him. This is very different to realising that you no longer love someone and making a decision to end that relationship before moving into something new. The difference is decency, self-respect, respect for others, honesty, integrity. What you're dealing with is a man who lies, cheats and has several women 'on hold' at any given moment - no decency, honesty, integrity or respect (self or otherwise) in that, is there?

I think there are some very wild assumptions in here, but I get your point.

UnLucky_in_Love

meer53 wrote: »

So if you agree, why did you meet and sleep with him ? You knew he was married. Bit of a contradiction there.

You guys need to stop focusing on the sex. It is in no way what defines our relationship (which, by the way, has now ended). I think we were both overwhelmed by a situation which has arisen completely unexpectedly. In hindsight, should we have slept with each other? Probably not. Does it make a difference? I don't think so. Much of our meeting was spent deliberating the points mentioned by many people on this thread.

paulineb_2

Well, I hope if you do get together with this man and one day he drops the bombshell that hes been sleeping with someone else, you'll take the same measured reaction to being cheated on, the same as when you slept with him knowing he was married.

Person_one

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

You guys need to stop focusing on the sex. It is in no way what defines our relationship (which, by the way, has now ended). I think we were both overwhelmed by a situation which has arisen completely unexpectedly. In hindsight, should we have slept with each other? Probably not. Does it make a difference? I don't think so. Much of our meeting was spent deliberating the points mentioned by many people on this thread.

Maybe you should ask his wife if she thinks it 'makes a difference' that you've had sex with her husband.

meer53

I just re read your original post OP.

He's 52 - mid life crisis,
His wifes "truly awful behaviour" - what ?
He doesn't want to jeopardise his step childrens happiness ? - yeah right.
He was very reluctant to leave ! - I bet he was, couldn't believe his luck !
You fell in love with each other - after 3 hours ? Get real. Lust on his part you mean !

OP, he's told you all the typical stories married men tell their lovers, i find it difficult to believe you can't see through it all.

Person_one

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Apologies it my tone comes across as insincere or sarcastic. Again, I am not a native speaker.

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten you claimed that!

Even if its true, you clearly have no difficulties at all communicating in English and speak/write it to a very high standard, so it has no bearing on anything.

Errata

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

You guys need to stop focusing on the sex. It is in no way what defines our relationship (which, by the way, has now ended). I think we were both overwhelmed by a situation which has arisen completely unexpectedly. In hindsight, should we have slept with each other? Probably not. Does it make a difference? I don't think so. Much of our meeting was spent deliberating the points mentioned by many people on this thread.

Really?.....

In the way of an update, after several long phone calls we have decided to stop all contact until the new year. He needs time and breathing space to evaluate his situation at home, and I need to stay sane. This will be very hard on both of us but it is the only sensible thing to do.

UnLucky_in_Love

Person_one wrote: »

Maybe you should ask her wife if she thinks it 'makes a difference' that you've had sex with her husband.

If I was his wife I'd be far more worried about him having fallen in love with someone else.