Heartbroken. What to do?

seven-day-weekend

I never expected you to say that Person One. I thought you would be all up for 'choice'. We learn something every day.

To the OP. You know you have done wrong. He is an adulterer. You are enabling him in that. The only thing you know about his wife/marriage is what he has told you and you are his partner in betrayal. Walk away at high speed and if he is ever free to have a relationship with you, have one then.

phatbear

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Walk away at high speed and if he is ever free to have a relationship with you, have one then.

only problem with that is how do you trust someone like that

for example lets say a "friend" of mines ex-fiancee cheated on her husband prior to getting in a relationship with my "friend". The problem was the "friend" never fully trusted her because she had the potential to cheat so that paranoia was always there for my "friend"

A point that he also made was when she cheated she not only cheated on her husband she cheated on her 3 kids too, and in the OP's situation if this bloke had no feelings for his now wife but cared about his step kids he wouldnt cheat as the impact on them, assuming his feelings are reciprocated from the kids, would be huge!

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I never expected you to say that Person One. I thought you would be all up for 'choice'. We learn something every day.

Eh? You thought I'd be fine with lying and cheating?

Gee, thanks.

Lunar_Eclipse

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

M adores his step children and puts up with the truly awful behaviour of their mother to preserve a sense of family for them. (He is very good with the kids.) There is no perspective for us. I am utterly heartbroken; he is everything I have ever wanted in a partner. He is dying to see me but he just can’t pull off leading a ‘dual life’, and he doesn’t want to jeopardise his step children’s happiness.

Any advice would be much appreciated, including how to get over the end of a relationship before it has even begun.

You are right that it can't continue, so my advice is to stop all communication immediately.

You can't possibly know any of what you've written about his step children, marriage or motives and it just comes across as terribly naive. You can't believe it's that straightforward surely!

Either way, if you walk away now and his marriage and feelings for you are as you say, he will wrap that up as best as he can and you can then start afresh 'properly', after their divorce. A couple more years isn't long to wait for the love of your life.

Saturnalia

Good grief, I thought only the most naive freshers fell for the letching lecturer! This bloke is one big walking cliche. Of course his wife is a nightmare. Of course they don't have sex anymore. His patter is pure abysmal!

Mind, yours isn't much better OP. "Everything I have ever wanted in a partner" indeed. Yes, a married slag. I'm sure that's what you've always dreamed of.

And BTW, have you had an STI test yet? You might kid yourself you're special, all the others he's nobbing on his travels probably think so too.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Eh? You thought I'd be fine with lying and cheating?

Gee, thanks.

No... I thought you would disagree with the man's lying and cheating, but would think the woman's part of it OK as she is single and it was consensual (and she is female).


Sorry I misjudged you. I apologise.

sazzybum

Been reading this thread with interest as it really reminded me of one of my friends a few years back.

She was a University Professor and magistrate-extremely clever woman..BUT, when it came to 'love' OMG, she was so naive.

I love her to bits, but trying to convince her that the man she 'fell in love with after 2 days' actually had a partner and she was his bit on the side was impossible! She was no young thing either- at that time she was in her mid forties. Whenever one of us tried to tell her, it was as if she stuck her fingers in her ears and shouted ''lalalalala, I can't hear yooo'. This seems to be what's happening here as well.

I think even if the OP was shown a picture of this guys wife straddling him, she'd hand wave it away with an excuse of ''oh she must have fell on top of him by accident'' because, believe me-I know exactly how her mind is working. So desperate for a relationship she'll believe anything. So sad.

I don't think the OP will listen to anything anyone is saying, and unfortunately-she will get hurt, really badly. No one can stop the inevitable. Except her.



P.S, I swear I'm not the 'friend' in this story I work in IT and have never been inside a Uni, never mind taught in one

hazyjo

sazzybum, sounds like my friend! Forties, not been with a man for years since her husband left (they're still friends and even holiday together with their son), but she sees good in everything he does/says.

I said he'd leave her if he wanted to be with my friend. Currently, he can't leave because of the new baby - and my friends says she'd not want to be with a man who could walk out at that time. She seems to fail to see that he actually has a third child with someone he claims no longer shares a bed with him and who he's supposedly leaving.

She makes out like she's been with him for months (even a year or so), but in reality she's only met him 3 times in that year. They talk all day via phones/internet. I do appreciate you can get to know someone much quicker in that respect, but much of what he's told her early on has now proven to be lies. Yet still she defends him. (They live about 450 miles apart.)

I hope he does the right thing and dumps my mate. Not keen on saying that cos I know she'll get hurt, but the longer this goes on the worse it'll be for everyone. She's talking about her son meeting him. I just don't want it to get that far.

Anyway, enough about other people - just wanted the OP to see that it's common and people hear the same lies over and over, and 'there's none so blind as those who will not see'.

One day, you'll look back and kick yourself.

Jx

dandelionclock30

OP I wouldnt give it another thought, you slept with a married man its not great but it isnt the crime of the century either. Lots of people in relationships will shag about if they get if offered on a plate.
All that about his wife being this that and the other is absolute rubbish. he wanted a shag and knew what to say to get it.
What your best off doing is developing your hobbies and interests so that you may meet someone who can offer you a bit more than just a shag.

tinkerbell28

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

OP I wouldnt give it another thought, you slept with a married man its not great but it isnt the crime of the century either. Lots of people in relationships will shag about if they get if offered on a plate.
All that about his wife being this that and the other is absolute rubbish. he wanted a shag and knew what to say to get it.
What your best off doing is developing your hobbies and interests so that you may meet someone who can offer you a bit more than just a shag.

This ^^^ 100%