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Heartbroken. What to do?

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Comments

  • If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you.

    Sorry, but I doubt you are the first person he has cheated on his wife with, and I bet not the last.

    He, of course will tell you anything he thinks you want to hear to get what he wants

    Move on and find someone who is not married....cheating is such a horrible thing to do to someone !
  • paulineb_2
    paulineb_2 Posts: 6,489 Forumite
    fawd1 wrote: »
    Quite right. I completely agree. I have no idea what love is, despite having had 2 children and been married for half a decade. So please, explain to me what love is. Because what I felt after knowing that man for three hours was that I would do anything, give up anything and live through anything to ensure his happiness, even if I got nothing in return. But you're quite right, that's nothing like the real love you feel for a husband or child is it?

    Your hyperbole simply makes me think that you're the sort of person who only LOVES someone once they're so entrenched in your life it's difficult to let them go. That's not love, it's inconvenience.

    But the man you are talking about who you felt like that about, wasnt the man you married, as youve said in later posts. First love can make us feel emotions in a way that we may not feel again with anyone else, regardless of whether we love them and settle down with them.
  • paulineb_2
    paulineb_2 Posts: 6,489 Forumite
    I actually dont agree with the phrase if you marry someone who is a cheat theres a vacancy created. There are people who meet when they are with other partners and go on to have lives together. Its a personal thing, not a one size fits all, if someone cheats they will also be a cheat.

    However, what I will say is, you dont base your own happiness on someone elses unhappiness, however again Im very aware that even when some people are having affairs, their relationship is over anyway.

    Just that the emotional fallout and hurt, irrespective of whether a relationship is right or wrong, its better to end something then move on.

    However, thats not the way that life always pans out, is it.
  • paulineb wrote: »
    I actually dont agree with the phrase if you marry someone who is a cheat theres a vacancy created. There are people who meet when they are with other partners and go on to have lives together. Its a personal thing, not a one size fits all, if someone cheats they will also be a cheat.

    However, what I will say is, you dont base your own happiness on someone elses unhappiness, however again Im very aware that even when some people are having affairs, their relationship is over anyway.

    Just that the emotional fallout and hurt, irrespective of whether a relationship is right or wrong, its better to end something then move on.

    However, thats not the way that life always pans out, is it.

    But if you are with someone you shouldn't be meeting other people. If you are in an unhappy relationship then leave.
    If you start an affair and then marry, you are effectively marrying someone who cheats on their partner.
  • But if you are with someone you shouldn't be meeting other people. If you are in an unhappy relationship then leave.
    If you start an affair and then marry, you are effectively marrying someone who cheats on their partner.

    I agree with this. I also think it's a myth only unhappy people cheat.

    I know someone who has been cheating his whole marriage. He wouldn't leave his wife though, despite the kids having left home now. He "loves" her too much and is actually genuinely happy with their marriage.

    He sees it as too easy to get quick thrills on the road though. Too easy to find someone every now and then for a bit of loving away from home.

    He openly admits to people who know, the wife and the mistress' seem to be the only oblivious ones. He says he wound't dream of leaving his wife for any one of these women and he actually does "value" his marriage (the irony is not lost on me) and wouldn't want his wife to find out.

    He just finds it "too easy".
  • paulineb_2
    paulineb_2 Posts: 6,489 Forumite
    But if you are with someone you shouldn't be meeting other people. If you are in an unhappy relationship then leave.
    If you start an affair and then marry, you are effectively marrying someone who cheats on their partner.

    Yes you are, but it happens. I posted above about a friend of mine, who had been in a relationship for a long time and a few months before the wedding, there was violence involved, I witnessed the first incident, happened in front of a group of us. Pressure was put on her by parents to marry him, the wedding had been paid for. She went ahead with it. Things got no better, there was another incident on their honeymoon.

    She came back and had met someone on a night out, just before the wedding. She had known him from school and had liked him, but nothing had ever happened. He turned up the morning of her wedding and told her he loved her.

    Rightly or wrongly they started seeing one another when she got back, the marriage was over very quickly after that and she started living with the other guy, got pregnant very quickly and they married a year later and 20 years on are still together.

    Her ex husband also remarried. I agree, if you are in an unhappy relationship, leave. I and other friends told her time and time again before she was married to get out of that relationship, particularly with the violence, but sadly, family didnt share that view and she did go through with it.

    And in an ideal world she would have exited the first relationship before starting the second, but people dont always make those choices.

    Her husband is very aware of the circumstances of them getting together. I just dont agree that if someone cheats once, it makes them a cheat forevermore.
  • I find it sad that so many people today feel it is ok to cheat. I expect we all know of someone who has/is cheating and it is almost "acceptable".

    I think it is the ultimate betrayal, why if you claim to love someone would you cheat ? If you love them and are unhappy then leave and let them find someone who deserves them...simple...

    I know of a guy who is cheating with a married woman. He has met her kids, even goes round when her husband is there (as a friend), and seems to think it is ok !!!
  • Gloomendoom
    Gloomendoom Posts: 16,551 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    But if you are with someone you shouldn't be meeting other people. If you are in an unhappy relationship then leave.
    If you start an affair and then marry, you are effectively marrying someone who cheats on their partner.

    Only if they have done it more than once. Otherwise, you are marrying someone who cheated on their partner.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    A cheater provides concrete proof they are untrustworthy. That's it really.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I agree with this. I also think it's a myth only unhappy people cheat.

    I know someone who has been cheating his whole marriage. He wouldn't leave his wife though, despite the kids having left home now. He "loves" her too much and is actually genuinely happy with their marriage.

    He sees it as too easy to get quick thrills on the road though. Too easy to find someone every now and then for a bit of loving away from home.

    He openly admits to people who know, the wife and the mistress' seem to be the only oblivious ones. He says he wound't dream of leaving his wife for any one of these women and he actually does "value" his marriage (the irony is not lost on me) and wouldn't want his wife to find out.

    He just finds it "too easy".

    I think you should tell the women, does nobody think they deserve to know?
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