Heartbroken. What to do?

19lottie82

OP I think you're right its not ALL about sex to him, its also about him getting his ego massaged and a bit of attention.

HPoirot

Person_one wrote: »

Yet you're very keen to make sure we remember that you're an 'academic'. :rotfl:

An academic, in the field of maths, oh hang on, narrowed down to applied maths, and who gets published too. Information overload methinks. Yet the OP is reluctant to reveal it at all. :eek:

Gloomendoom

duchy wrote: »

Actually academia is a small world -I'm sure it wouldn't take much effort to find out about his wife.........

Speaking as a 52 year old who works at one of the UK's 'top' universities and who happens to have a wife in the same department, I would confirm this. Having said that, I doubt you will find out much more than what she teaches, what her research interests are and how many papers she has had published. The nitty gritty details of her relationship with her husband and the state of her marriage are unlikely to be included in her academic profile.

I'm not 'M' by the way. My wife is currently very happily slaving away in the kitchen.

HPoirot

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Speaking as a 52 year old who works at one of the UK's 'top' universities and who happens to have a wife in the same department, I would confirm this. Having said that, I doubt you will find out much more than what she teaches, what her research interests are and how many papers she has had published. The nitty gritty details of her relationship with her husband and the state of her marriage are unlikely to be included in her academic profile.

I'm not 'M' by the way. My wife is currently very happily slaving away in the kitchen.

Aww G&D, you haven't been married for 1.5 years perchance have you? Just checking..

tesuhoha

I'd just like to add my humble opinion to this. I think the OP has had a romantic interlude and is infatuated but it is not actual love. Real love develops over time. She is at the point where she get out now with a few hurt feelings and she would be well advised to do this before it gets more serious. A break up from someone you love results in deep grief which I do not believe is possible after two illicit meetings.

If she carries on and becomes this man's mistress there will be damage done, to herself and the wife at the very least.

tinkerbell28

HPoirot wrote: »

An academic, in the field of maths, oh hang on, narrowed down to applied maths, and who gets published too. Information overload methinks. Yet the OP is reluctant to reveal it at all.

Which is why....now I've read the whole thread, I don't believe it.

Op is academic so you'd like to think switched on. Too much detail has been given, exact positions, professions, him, marriage length, kids, wife, ages.

They could be tracked down pretty quickly if real and people were so inclined. Not forgetting the whole reputation proceeds you in academia. It's not so far fetched someone reads it and puts 2+2 together.

As generally in real life situations, men like this have a "reputation" anyway and most of the time colleagues and peers know who he's at it with this week.

Sadly the younger woman remains oblivious and doesn't realise she's the one being shunned professionaly, it's never the bloke from what I've seen.

But too much info has been given out here, for me to actually think this is real now.

Gloomendoom

HPoirot wrote: »

Aww G&D, you haven't been married for 1.5 years perchance have you? Just checking..

Nope, five years. I checked earlier.

Gloomendoom

OP, probably a bit soon, but is this any help...

http://www.brainydates.co.uk/

lostinrates

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Speaking as a 52 year old who works at one of the UK's 'top' universities and who happens to have a wife in the same department, I would confirm this. Having said that, I doubt you will find out much more than what she teaches, what her research interests are and how many papers she has had published. The nitty gritty details of her relationship with her husband and the state of her marriage are unlikely to be included in her academic profile.

I'm not 'M' by the way. My wife is currently very happily slaving away in the kitchen.

I'm not so sure.

When I started seeing DH my godmother had the down low on him and his family in minutes and she and my mother had discussed much about him. ( godmother's son in law is in academia in not too distant a field and had crossed paths at a third parties summer party eight years before or something. Godmother's daughter and husband were intrigued and dug about.....

Ok they didn't get blonde types or DNA samples, and a lot of 2 and 2 makes five.:rotfl: ( and yes, my mother and I did have words about it)


The other thing I'd say to other posters is that academic at top university and 'switched on' are not necessarily hand in hand ( nor are they mutually exclusive as some would have it ).

barbiedoll

Given OP's age, I'm guessing that her hormones are behaving badly and she's attracted to just about anyone who pays her any interest. It's a well-known phenomenon, female hormones raging at the slightest provocation, it's nature's way of squeezing the most use out of our dwindling egg supply. Unromantic? Yes, but lots of women will know what I'm talking about, it's why so many of us have "last-chance" babies in our late 30's and early 40's.

When I was around OP's age, I fell madly in love (lust) with a couple of male (much younger) colleagues at work. They were both good friends, we socialised together and had great fun working together. I was, and am, happily married but that didn't stop me spending evenings in bed with my husband, him watching telly while I "read a book" to cover my dreamy fantasies of taking one (or both) of them for my own wanton pleasures.

Coupled with the fact that OP is a little lonely and probably wrapped up in her career, she was a sitting duck for this man, who knows EXACTLY which buttons to press. My husband was with his previous partner for 16 years, he has stepchildren whom he loves like his own but he still left her as the relationship had broken down. He didn't leave her for anyone else, he lived alone and he had no other relationships until he met me.

If this man's marriage is so bad, leaving his wife won't make him lose his stepchildren, there's no reason why he can't still be a father to them. If their marriage is so bad, why is he still there?

This is probably just a fling to him sadly, OP, you should walk away now. There is someone out there for you, but you won't find him if you're hanging around with married men!