Heartbroken. What to do?

arbroath_lass

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

The age-old question of what is love. We push each other's buttons (but in a good way). We share a lot of interests. We feel completely at ease in each other's presence. We are undoubtedly very attracted to each other but the initial spark wasn't sexual at all.

Interesting theory re: attachment. Might read up on this in the wake of recent events.

Oh for gods' sakes :eek:. He is certainly pushing your buttons.

I dare you to mention "in passing" to some of your colleagues that this excuse for a man "made a pass" at you. I'm sure you'll hear all about him and his reputation. No need to tell them what you've done.

CRANKY40

Oldest and most predictable lies :-

My wife doesn't understand me
We never have sex
I'm only staying because of the children

One of my ex bf's told his new lady love that my flat was his (I showed her my mortgage documents) and that I was just a friend who he was letting sleep on the sofa to help me out. My backside was I sleeping on the sofa! He left very quickly after I discovered that one, which foiled their plans somewhat as she was under the impression that when she left her husband she would be able to move in with him into MY flat.

Person_one

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I think it is obvious why I don't want to reveal what my field is.

Yet you're very keen to make sure we remember that you're an 'academic'. :rotfl:

fawd1

paulineb wrote: »

Id hazard a guess that even though you say you have a strong connection, what you are feeling right now is attraction and lust. Not love.

Ive met people and fallen for them very quickly and they me, but not 3 hours. Absolutely no way. You dont know someone enough within 3 hours to know that you love them.

And I do believe your feelings are stronger because hes attached.

I have to say I disagree. The first time I fell in love, he literally took my breath away from the moment I saw him. Once we''d spent more than 1 hour in each others company, I was utterly in love. And no, I'm not an idiot. And yes, I am now in a different relationship and have been with that person for almost 8 years. However, nothing will ever convince me that I wasn't absolutely, totally and utterly in love with my first love, because I truly was.

So, no it's not logical to say that you're in love after 3 hours, but it does happen.

P.S. To all those that are calling the OP a tramp/shameless etc, SHAME ON YOU. No it wasn't a wonderful thing to do, but please stop blaming women for mens affairs. She could have been Mata Hari for all I know but the impetus to be faithful is surely on the person who is actually attached?

paulineb_2

fawd1 wrote: »

I have to say I disagree. The first time I fell in love, he literally took my breath away from the moment I saw him. Once we''d spent more than 1 hour in each others company, I was utterly in love. And no, I'm not an idiot. And yes, I am now in a different relationship and have been with that person for almost 8 years. However, nothing will ever convince me that I wasn't absolutely, totally and utterly in love with my first love, because I truly was.

So, no it's not logical to say that you're in love after 3 hours, but it does happen.

P.S. To all those that are calling the OP a tramp/shameless etc, SHAME ON YOU. No it wasn't a wonderful thing to do, but please stop blaming women for mens affairs. She could have been Mata Hari for all I know but the impetus to be faithful is surely on the person who is actually attached?

But thats your experience and you have the right to feel that way. I just dont agree you can truly love someone within 3 hours of meeting them. You do, thats fine.

I was in love with my first bf very quickly and he me, but I was 19 then and so was he. But it wasnt after 3 hours. The first night I met him, I liked him, I was attracted to him, but I barely knew him.

I dont think even in those first moments of I dont want to be without you for more than 5 mins, was I in love with him.

I dont think that at 44 anyone would make me feel like that that quickly these days, who knows. I suspect that wouldnt happen to many people and as I said, she may like him more as he was attached.

paulineb_2

fawd1 wrote: »

I have to say I disagree. The first time I fell in love, he literally took my breath away from the moment I saw him. Once we''d spent more than 1 hour in each others company, I was utterly in love. And no, I'm not an idiot. And yes, I am now in a different relationship and have been with that person for almost 8 years. However, nothing will ever convince me that I wasn't absolutely, totally and utterly in love with my first love, because I truly was.

So, no it's not logical to say that you're in love after 3 hours, but it does happen.

P.S. To all those that are calling the OP a tramp/shameless etc, SHAME ON YOU. No it wasn't a wonderful thing to do, but please stop blaming women for mens affairs. She could have been Mata Hari for all I know but the impetus to be faithful is surely on the person who is actually attached?

I think both people have a responsibility not to take things further if one of them is attached.

The other person was also called a tramp btw

ska_lover

OP considering you are an academic - an otherwise intelligent independent woman, I am amazed that you have blundered into this situation.

If you think this is love, then you really do not understand what love actually means.

You are NOT teenagers in love. Sorry, but I think (where blokes are concerned) you are very guillable and this bloke is telling you what you want to hear 'my wife is horrible'...'I only stay for the children'....You want it to be true, because you want to be with someone. It's a fantasy, he has got a real life. And you are not it.

I really do not mean to sound horrible to you when I say this, but a way to build your own happiness is NOT to build it on a rotten foundation by being the cause of heartbreak to another woman, a broken family, break up a marriage. People get married for life. I think you need to find a single man, what about online dating, match.com etc, I hear people have some great successes on them, and I do think you need someone

ska_lover

fawd1 wrote: »

So, no it's not logical to say that you're in love after 3 hours, but it does happen.

Love, after three hours?? PMFSL!!!!. After three hours, all a person would know is if they found the other attractive or not, not LOVE them, anyone that thinks that really has no clue what love truly is. It is much deeper than a 3 hour meeting with a complete stranger who you know nothing about

And in this case, IMO the other person was going for Actor of the Year award for unhappy husband etc...she doesn't even KNOW him, she merely knows what HE wants HER to know..after three hours that is all anyone would know. Not the real person behind the mask.

I think she claims to have fallen in love with the idea of the person she thinks he is. It is not real love whatsoever

tinkerbell28

Ohhh op he saw you coming didn't he.

With the she is soooooooo awful is classic. It makes him feel better for shagging you, and you feel a bit better, as you're giving him a sanctuary from this nasty woman whilst shagging her husband.

At the end of the day you only know what HE tells you. He's going to say it's all bad and evil to you isn't he? Actions speak louder thank words.

You are the quick thrill on the road, that's all. He has already said he won't leave her. He'd rather you think he's a martyr for the kids. He doesn't want to leave her, is the reality.

Cake and eat it.

FBaby

OP, people have been very harsh. This is how these forums work. The reality is that people fall in love every day, and some of those people are married. Some cheat, break hearts and move on. Some relationship work and some don't. My husband was cheated on in a very deceitful way by his ex-wife. He was totally taken aback when he found out and badly hurt. When she came back begging him to take her back, promising the world, he believe her and took her back...before she left again. He was devastated, bitter, hurt, angry and the rest....then he moved on...and then he met me and we fell madly in love. He says that he never have thought he would one day be so grateful that she cheated and set him free because he doesn't know what he would have done if he had met me when he was still married. Probably the opportunity to get to know each other wouldn't have come about, but what if it had. We are now happily married and his ex wife is still with the man she left my husband for, 10 years on.

All this to say that if indeed you were made to be together and you had to break hearts to be together, it wouldn't be nice, but it wouldn't be the end of the world...

...however, I am quite surprised that someone of your caliber could be so naive not to doubt any of his words. Maybe he is honest, but what makes you so sure that he isn't lying for all his worth and just a good actor? Everything he told you is so stereotypical, the chances that all is made up is 100:1. The 'I am staying for the children' is such a cliche...why, because it is the only thing that a madly in love mistress could accept as a proper reason not to drop everything for her. Come on, you need to wake up, those are not even his children and he can't have been in their lives for that long. Very few step-fathers fall so in love with their teenage step-children that they would sacrifice a relationship with the love of their lives for them...

Whatever you do, please keep your feet anchored to the ground and don't take for gospel all he tells you. Only time will allow you to know what the truth really is, but it would be incredible if the reality was as he relates it. Most likely, what he calls not being in love with his wife and only staying for the sake of the children can be translated by 'I had a fallen out with my wife, we are both being stubborn, I will pretend that I don't love her anymore and convince myself that it is ok because I am in love with someone else'...until he makes up with his wife and suddenly, she is his world and you were just a fling that was entertaining and his words become 'surely you didn't think that I could be in love with you and want to leave my wife, what did you think, we were only married for 18 months for God sake's, I don't know where you got that it was anything more.... of course, I would advise you don't go and tell my wife, as I could make things very difficult for you... good luck with you future...'