Heartbroken. What to do?

duchy

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I am not giving away my field.

Yes they do have a lot of words. But you can get away with a very limited vocabulary.

I'd hazard a guess it's not women's studies or anything on the feminist agenda. Take a stroll over to the social sciences school at your uni.

Actually academia is a small world -I'm sure it wouldn't take much effort to find out about his wife......... Of course you may find out she's a lovely women -widowed or divorced who is now completely happy with her new husband as they absolutely adore each other (or worse he pulled the same line on her and she left her husband for him).

lostinrates

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I know a lot about his professional life (academics lead their work lives very much in the open) but not much about previous partners. He has been in long term relationships which haven't worked out. He doesn't have children of his own but would like to have children. He and his wife agree that they shouldn't bring a child into the world given the state of their relationship.

The very first possibility that lept out at me at face value is that he was unfaithful early on or something else was 'rotten in the state of Denmark' uncovered too late and she sought stability for her kids. ( not what I would do mind you).

lostinrates

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I would think so. Most academics I know prefer some sort of table and chair arrangement (could be sofa, garden chair, anything really). Much easier to write things down.

I used to use messy labs and out door work, but even I did reading in bed.

UnLucky_in_Love

duchy wrote: »

I'd hazard a guess it's not women's studies or anything on the feminist agenda. Take a stroll over to the social sciences school at your uni.

Actually academia is a small world -I'm sure it wouldn't take much effort to find out about his wife......... Of course you may find out she's a lovely women -widowed or divorced who is now completely happy with her new husband as they absolutely adore each other (or worse he pulled the same line on her and she left her husband for him).

I did mention it's something to do with maths.

I know who his wife is but I don't know her personally. I know people who know her if that makes sense. Yes I am sure she is lovely. They must have been very much in love when they decided to get married. But their relationship hasn't worked out unfortunately. I can only speculate why.

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

The very first possibility that lept out at me at face value is that he was unfaithful early on or something else was 'rotten in the state of Denmark' uncovered too late and she sought stability for her kids. ( not what I would do mind you).

Or maybe they are very happily married and hes just a lying cheating rat who wants a quick bunk up.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I did mention it's something to do with maths.

I know who his wife is but I don't know her personally. I know people who know her if that makes sense. Yes I am sure she is lovely. They must have been very much in love when they decided to get married. But their relationship hasn't worked out unfortunately. I can only speculate why.

You dont know this is true to be fair.

duchy

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I know a lot about his professional life (academics lead their work lives very much in the open) but not much about previous partners. He has been in long term relationships which haven't worked out. He doesn't have children of his own but would like to have children. He and his wife agree that they shouldn't bring a child into the world given the state of their relationship.

So he's 52 at the very least moderately attractive...wants kids but has never being committed enough to a woman in over thirty years of relationships to get married or have a child.... until 18 months ago. How much younger than him is his wife if children were discussed ?

Sorry but I do think if you access the academic grapevine you'll find he has a certain "reputation".

UnLucky_in_Love

lostinrates wrote: »

I used to use messy labs and out door work, but even I did reading in bed.

I don't hang out with the lab based guys and gals much. Maybe I should

My work (and that of my friends) is desk based. Reading in bed is of course possible but I really don't like reading work stuff in bed.

HPoirot

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

On the grounds of...?

I so wish you were right. My life would be a lot easier then.

The feigned naivety, the over-eagerness to keep the conversation rolling on here, the drip-dripping of information about your field.

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

You fell in love with someone in the space of 3 hours? Im sorry, but thats ridiculous. I know people can meet and be attracted to one another very quickly, even fall in love quickly, but 3 hours.

You chose to meet him. You chose to meet him again.

I never believed in love at first sight either. I meet lots of people professionally all the time. This has never happened to me before.

We only met once (last weekend); the meeting before was when we first met and it was very innocent (cups of coffee, talking about art, mainly).