Heartbroken. What to do?

UnLucky_in_Love

HPoirot wrote: »

OP you should go out more.

Find someone your own age to play with too, a dirty weekend away does not a relationship make.

Just saying.

Fair enough. It's not like I haven't tried.

I have always been attracted to slightly older men (seven years older seems to be the magic number; this is the largest age gap I have ever considered).

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

I know that. My mum has been divorced twice. Sometimes people who do have affairs end up being with the person they have the affair with. A friend of mine married at 23, they had been with their first bf for 6 years or so, he was abusive towards her before they got married, they did still marry but she met someone else who we had known at school, they started seeing one another, the marriage ended very shortly after that, she had a kid to the guy she was seeing and they married about a year later and 20 years on they are still together.

But Id consider that the exception rather than the rule. Do you want to end up being the cause of someones divorce?

No, I don't. Of course not. The only way we could be together is if he leaves his wife because the relationship has broken down beyond repair. Not because of me.

thorsoak

Lets look at this whole situation. This man is 52 years of age; he has been married to a woman who already has children. This marriage is only 18 months old and is in trouble and he professes to be madly "in love" with you.

What do you know of his history prior to this marriage?

At the least I would suggest that this man makes very bad decisions.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

No, I don't. Of course not. The only way we could be together is if he leaves his wife because the relationship has broken down beyond repair. Not because of me.

That should also have applied to sleeping with him or meeting up with him in the first place unless it was purely platonic.

You have had choices in all of this. If you are currently heartbroken, its in part because youve allowed yourself to get close to someone who you cant have (and of course when you cant have someone, they sometimes get more attractive).

Yes people make mistakes, when its come to romance, Ive made plenty. But I bet if the wife wasnt around and you started seeing this man, reality would bite and he wouldnt be that attractive after all.

Lets put it this way, if hes not making moves to leave his wife at this stage given that hes so unhappy and shes so terrible, I doubt very much hes ever going to.

HPoirot

I smell a Troll if you ask me.

UnLucky_in_Love

thorsoak wrote: »

Lets look at this whole situation. This man is 52 years of age; he has been married to a woman who already has children. This marriage is only 18 months old and is in trouble and he professes to be madly "in love" with you.

What do you know of his history prior to this marriage?

At the least I would suggest that this man makes very bad decisions.

I know a lot about his professional life (academics lead their work lives very much in the open) but not much about previous partners. He has been in long term relationships which haven't worked out. He doesn't have children of his own but would like to have children. He and his wife agree that they shouldn't bring a child into the world given the state of their relationship.

thorsoak

HPoirot wrote: »

I smell a Troll if you ask me.

You could well be right ...... :eek:

UnLucky_in_Love

paulineb wrote: »

You have had choices in all of this. If you are currently heartbroken, its in part because youve allowed yourself to get close to someone who you cant have (and of course when you cant have someone, they sometimes get more attractive).

That's exactly right. The mess is of my own making. I have stupidly allowed myself to get too involved. But I don't choose who I fall in love with.

I don't think a man becomes more attractive to me because I can't have him. I haven't noticed this trait in me. I have never been seriously attracted to someone who wasn't single before.

UnLucky_in_Love

thorsoak wrote: »

You could well be right ...... :eek:

On the grounds of...?

I so wish you were right. My life would be a lot easier then.

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

That's exactly right. The mess is of my own making. I have stupidly allowed myself to get too involved. But I don't choose who I fall in love with.

I don't think a man becomes more attractive to me because I can't have him. I haven't noticed this trait in me. I have never been seriously attracted to someone who wasn't single before.

You fell in love with someone in the space of 3 hours? Im sorry, but thats ridiculous. I know people can meet and be attracted to one another very quickly, even fall in love quickly, but 3 hours.

You chose to meet him. You chose to meet him again.