Heartbroken. What to do?

UnLucky_in_Love

lostinrates wrote: »

Um.....

My in laws and friends must be odd then!

I would think so. Most academics I know prefer some sort of table and chair arrangement (could be sofa, garden chair, anything really). Much easier to write things down.

Person_one

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I would think so. Most academics I know prefer some sort of table and chair arrangement (could be sofa, garden chair, anything really). Much easier to write things down.

Maybe one of these, and a fountain pen of course...

neverdespairgirl

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Thanks Judi. Yes it was a mistake to meet up. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We are both puzzled by how it could have happened. He had never even contemplated infidelity before we met, and neither have I. We are like a pair of love struck teenagers, it's ridiculous really.

Nothing to do with "hindsight". Foresight should tell you that it's not going to end well, really.

You aren't unlucky in love, in this instance. You made a bad choice, not had bad luck.

You really don't know anything about his wife, or their marriage, or anything. So criticising her isn't either fair or right. All you know for a fact is that he'd cheated on his wife, and isn't interested in leaving her. So, you know he's a cheat and a liar - but you know nothing about her at all.

UnLucky_in_Love

Person_one wrote: »

What's your field? All the papers/articles I have to read certainly have a lot of words!

I am not giving away my field.

Yes they do have a lot of words. But you can get away with a very limited vocabulary.

JimmyTheWig

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Oh, 2%. That's low.

I'm afraid so.

If this discussion has shown me one thing then that waiting forever is not an option.

I think that's the most important thing to have taken from it.

Can I just say that I am not a mathematician. I apply maths.

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

UnLucky_in_Love

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

Thanks Jimmy :rotfl:

UnLucky_in_Love

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Nothing to do with "hindsight". Foresight should tell you that it's not going to end well, really.

You aren't unlucky in love, in this instance. You made a bad choice, not had bad luck.

You really don't know anything about his wife, or their marriage, or anything. So criticising her isn't either fair or right. All you know for a fact is that he'd cheated on his wife, and isn't interested in leaving her. So, you know he's a cheat and a liar - but you know nothing about her at all.

I take your point. I have made bad choices, and I shouldn't criticise his wife. I will have to live with my bad choices. He will have to live with his. I am trying to make sense of the situation and find a way forward. It appears the best way forward is to stop all contact.

HPoirot

OP you should go out more.

Find someone your own age to play with too, a dirty weekend away does not a relationship make.

Just saying.

neverdespairgirl

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

Thanks for this. I know. I find it worrying, and so does he. As I said he had never contemplated infidelity before.

You don't get that many brownie points for being faithful for a whole 18 months of marriage......

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I suffer from the (not uncommon) condition where I am academically very bright and able but am clueless when it comes to my personal life.

Being good at maths doesn't mean you know the best path to your own happiness.

You don't need to be Einstein to be able to construct the following equation:

shagging (Married Man + "wife doesn't understand me" + "can't leave the children") = Bad Times Ahead x n2

paulineb_2

UnLucky_in_Love wrote: »

I understand people are upset about me seeing a married man, but may I remind you that almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. It is not like it is unheard of.

I am not happy about the situation, and most definitely not proud of it. I am disappointed with myself for getting involved with someone who is married but we can't rewind the clock.

I know that. My mum has been divorced twice. Sometimes people who do have affairs end up being with the person they have the affair with. A friend of mine married at 23, they had been with their first bf for 6 years or so, he was abusive towards her before they got married, they did still marry but she met someone else who we had known at school, they started seeing one another, the marriage ended very shortly after that, she had a kid to the guy she was seeing and they married about a year later and 20 years on they are still together.

But Id consider that the exception rather than the rule. Do you want to end up being the cause of someones divorce?