Family cut themselves out of my son's life

lostinrates

I would certainly be aware that any text you send will potentially be read to your mother, shown, picked apart, and the worst interpretation put on it.

You have asked for no contact wiggy, yet you are getting contact.

My feeling is if you let the Wiglet go with your mother to see Santa now then its on her terms and your boundaries are bulldozed through under a veneer of 'only reasonable' because its Christmas.

I also think its a bit confusing for Wiglet, who not too long ago was hiding under the volume of tv from them bashing on a door.

unicorn1984

Its really tricky.... only you can decide if you want to see your sister, knowing that there is a very real possibility that she is setting this meeting up for your mum to arrive. She still has a hold on your sister, and is more than likely threatening her with all sorts so that she helps her get to you. Its a sad situation, but you need to ask yourself, if you decide to meet up and your mum is there, 1) do you think you will be ok facing her again and 2) would you be able to trust your sister again?

Maybe text and say you would like to see her but say due to what has happened, you do not want to see your mum. Then if your mum comes, you have already set down the rules to sis and she has blatantly ignored your request.

Ballabriggs

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

duchy, my sister is having driving lessons so think so can drive supervised unless she's passed without me knowing? Not sure.

Now... Just had a text from my mother.

'can we have WIGLET on Monday plz as i'd like to take him to see santa? don't want to be accused of harassing you but we all miss him and haven't seen him him for 2 months x'

Thus confirming my blacklist must only block calls. Can GiffGaff block numbers? Thought it was just a provider not big one like Orange? I don't know where she thinks things are just gonna click back and I'll simply hand him over! Just at a loss with that message. Enough already!

With my sister, do you think it'd be ok to text what was suggested, to meet up in person? I'm worried my mum will come along and my presents for my nan are quite bulky anyway. I think she'll do that thing again where she acts as if she's MY older sister and tells me off for what I've done. She has done that in past and it really p---ed me off!

I think your instincts might be on the money with this one wiggy, if you are worried your mum will come along its probably because she will. If you look at the cold hard facts she has not respected the no harassment letter at all:

1. They have dumped stuff on your doorstep twice now without being invited, thus demonstrating they still can get access to your building and this to my mind is quite threatening. None of the stuff was urgent or necessary and therefore did not need to be delivered. Just another excuse to show they still have some control.

2. Your mum has texted you despite being told no contact and I think is actually taunting you regarding the harassment letter. She is basically saying that it doesn't really apply to her as SHEs missing wiglet! Notice the BUT, in the middle of that sentence, very telling in her attitude.

Your sister is not looking to reconcile with you, I'm sorry but I think it would be naive to assume this at this stage. As another poster has said your sister knows which side her bread is buttered on and isn't going to rock the boat. Has she supported you, stood up for you or comforted you? in fact wasn't she an accomplice in that awful incident where wiglet was snatched from your arms? I think you need to take any sentiment out of a possible relationship with your sister and let sleeping dogs lie. Maybe in the future if things change with her you can revisit this but right now this would be giving your mum a window into your life through which she can crawl. You don't need that.

I suspect that as it gets closer to Christmas things are going to get worse with your mum/sister and not better, so I would brace yourself for it and expect it. Christmas does funny things to people especially when they feel they have a sense of entitlement like your mum does.

Bottom line, your mum hasn't taken the warning letter seriously, neither has your sister. You must maintain your current stance of no contact or you undermine all the hard work you've already done. Actions speak louder than words.

Stand strong girl, you're doing great :T

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

So she's deliberately ignored explicit instructions to stop contacting you.


Change your SIM.

wiggywoo9

I've sent a text to sister more or less what was suggested, with actual names included! No response but maybe she's thinking to show mum first, get her orders, etc. And no, with her behaviour, I don't trust her at the moment. It is a shame, and I'll bet at some point she'll use it against me, as we agreed that her child and mine could be raised close, to be friends, as we're not close to our cousins, but there's been a big loss of him to my tot. I can't really do any different though.

I will approach my HA tomorrow asking for the entry lock to be changed, but very doubtful it'll actually happen. If they're not obligated to do it, like repairs, they're not likely to.

As for the lack of 'how are you?', that's how it's always been, since wiglet was born. I don't see it now cos I'm so used to it. I often brought that up with my PND dr that I felt like I'd done my 'job', to produce a child, and now was a spare disposable part- merely a womb.

rpc

Have you got anywhere with getting the main entry door lock changed? Don't drop that, they shouldn't have access to your building.

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

'can we have WIGLET

Oh look, an excuse to be nice so we can grab him. Interesting that it isn't "would you like to bring wiglet to see Santa with us" - they just want wiglet.

Record it and then either ignore it or show it to the police. I'd be tempted to take it to the police to show that she's back in contact and clearly wants to take your son away. If you believe her, temporarily, but we probably know better...

Saying "I wouldn't want to be accused of harassing you" just shows that she knows she's wrong but is carrying on anyway!

edit:crossed posts

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I will approach my HA tomorrow asking for the entry lock to be changed, but very doubtful it'll actually happen. If they're not obligated to do it, like repairs, they're not likely to.

See if the police can apply pressure.

Stephb1986_2

Wiggy you can get City link to collect your presents for your nan I use a company called P4D.co.uk it's around £10. So then you don't have to see anyone.

Hope that helps

Steph xx

unicorn1984

I think you have your answer Wiggy, if you cant trust her then maybe leave it for now?

I really want to imagine your sister going against your Mothers wishes, meeting you in secret to exchange gifts, but in light of everything that is probably very, VERY unlikely. Its such a sad situation, but you need to look after yourself and Wiglet. Post the gifts, or ask a friend to drop them off. Show the text to the police as it is a blatant disregard to the letter she received. Does she honestly think you are going to just let them take your son without you?! Then see about getting that front lock changed, also mention that to the police, that she has been into your building TWICE since the night they were called out. She is so deluded she thinks she is above everyone, including the law. Prove her wrong.

xx

missprice

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I've sent a text to sister more or less what was suggested, with actual names included! No response but maybe she's thinking to show mum first, get her orders, etc. And no, with her behaviour, I don't trust her at the moment. It is a shame, and I'll bet at some point she'll use it against me, as we agreed that her child and mine could be raised close, to be friends, as we're not close to our cousins, but there's been a big loss of him to my tot. I can't really do any different though.

I will approach my HA tomorrow asking for the entry lock to be changed, but very doubtful it'll actually happen. If they're not obligated to do it, like repairs, they're not likely to.

As for the lack of 'how are you?', that's how it's always been, since wiglet was born. I don't see it now cos I'm so used to it. I often brought that up with my PND dr that I felt like I'd done my 'job', to produce a child, and now was a spare disposable part- merely a womb.

Sometimes things that we said have to change, I always thought when I got married that it was for life, less than 2 years later I was no longer married. Don't regret it but stuff happens. Same with wiglet, can't be helped but its not end of world.

The HA if you take paperwork, mention that she is banned from seeing you and can they either get key back, change lock free, or if a charge can you pay in installments. If its an electronic key they can just ban hers should cost nowt.

Now I am one a them ppl who forgets to say how are you?
Its not that I am rude but it seems that way to some, but even I usually at some point ask summat like what you been like? How you doing etc.
She is your birth mother she should be asking if your OK.

trolleyrun

I'd tell the police about the latest attempts at contacting you, including coming to your door step twice. Your mother obviously doesn't respect the order she was given, so maybe stronger measures needs to be taken. If your HA won't change the locks, tell the police that your mother is letting herself in and the Ha isn't helping with new locks. Who knows, the police might be able to help?

You're doing so well, and I get the feeling that your confidence is growing a little bit every day, which is brilliant. Hopefully, Wiglet's father will prove himself to you - just take the time you need.

Sending you virtual hugs

Ps fwiw, I wouldn't meet up with sister either. She's not trustworthy at the moment, and as others have said, she's in your mother's palm.