Family cut themselves out of my son's life

HPoirot

I do agree, lostinrates.

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

As for the lack of 'how are you?', that's how it's always been, since wiglet was born. I don't see it now cos I'm so used to it. I often brought that up with my PND dr that I felt like I'd done my 'job', to produce a child, and now was a spare disposable part- merely a womb.

Wiggy I might be overstepping the mark, please tell me if so, but it seems that this is exactly what she has been doing to everyone - your dad, your ex, your sister's boyfriend, and now you - get their child or children away from them, shun them, but make sure they know that she is marking her territory on their child or children.

From the little that you have said about your dad, I have had the feeling all along this thread that she is doing it all over again, with treating you appallingly, making sure you know that you are not capable of looking after Wiglet but she is, and constantly asserting her right over Wiglet as if you are a tiresome accessory not worth acknowledging. Looks like some evil tendency to assert her supremacy over others' lives, is that psychopathic or is there another term for this, either way it is not healthy either for her or for those affected by her.

wiggywoo9

Oh no, I certainly didn't mean that I'd take gifts not family in that way! I said that as it seemed she wanted to give them. I don't need them- I bought Toys R Us for wiglet for Christmas!- and I'm not grabby! I'm trying to express myself right but not coming out right. I meant that it gives her an opening, if should so choose to take it, to give the presents without confrontation? Like for me, if I was on other side, I'd have said the same, if you've got them and want to give them, you could do XYZ as its easier, etc.

I hope that's cleared things up, I really did not mean what is assumed. I'd be happy (and so would my floorboards!) if just my presents were given for Christmas for Wiglet. I'm just leaving an avenue should it be necessary.

As for my nan, she's 75 now. She has arthritis and memory is getting bad, as with everything else. She leans on my mum for doctors, hairdressers, shopping, dog-walking, DIY, bills, everything. She would tell her off every so often but just has not got the strength to take such a stand. I'm not sure she'd understand all the fake things hidden, that kind of behind-your-back stuff, and who else would help her if she did? My granddad died a while ago, great man, and my sisters align themselves where the pickings are richer. I do not blame my nan and have no issues with her, only love and sometimes worry that she is getting walked over.

lostinrates

Wiggy.....I am not implying for a single second you are 'grabby'. Its normal to expect to exchange gifts for Wiglet and your nephew under most circumstances.

But this isn't most circumstances.

The police have become involved asking for distance for example. This is being ignored. I would, in your shoes, leave no opening, no avenue, until these boundaries are clearer and your strength is not doubted.

Dimey

Wiggy, the letter your solicitor sent to your Mum was just a warning letter not to harass you. It wasn't a formal injunction or restraining order. But your Mother should have been sensible and abided by your reasonable request.

I think you should tell the solicitor that your Mother has since visited your property and has texted you and that your sister has successfully got you to respond to her.

This could be the start of them weakening your resolve. See what the solicitor thinks. They may say, lets just log it for now and make sure you have no further contact. Or they may say another letter is in order. Or they may say a formal injunction is required.

If you ever need to get a formal injunction via the police, you will want to prove you've been consistent and not given your mother any reason to think that the more she or your sister harass you, the more successful they'll be in gaining contact with Wiglet or gaining Wiglet himself.

I think you must push the landlord to change the front door lock. Your solicitor might send the landlord a letter explaining that your mother is ignoring the "legal instruction to cease & desist harassment" and is still a kidnap risk using the stolen key to your landlords current front door lock.

I hope you can get this done before Christmas because I have a horrible feeling you'll be getting mother texts & visits over Christmas if not.

Wanting to take Wiglet to Santa is a snide, cynical stroke on your mother's part. She's making the text sound reasonable to others who may read it -(ie. the police or your solicitor) while being threatening to you. There's no way your mother would really ask that question. She knows you won't allow her contact while you are still strong.

jellyhead

What winds me up most about that text (other than not asking how you are or inviting you along) is that you are Wiglet's mother and are perfectly capable of taking him to see Santa yourself! He might have already seen one, and you may not wish for him to see more than one.

meritaten

Its all about 'HER' again isn't it? "We Want - We Miss"! she hasn't even asked if you are both well and happy!

Please speak to the HA about your outside door key and use the police visits and the solicitors letter shamelessly!
It really disturbs me that they think they can enter your building whenever they feel like it!

unicorn1984

Did you manage to speak to your Landlord Wiggy? How are both you and the Wiglet today? x

jackyann

I think this may have been mentioned, but it is worth talking to your local domestic abuse unit (contact through your children's centre or the police) as what you have described comes under that umbrella.
They then usually have contacts who can either change your locks or persuade HA to do so, as well as other advice.

paulineb_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

duchy, my sister is having driving lessons so think so can drive supervised unless she's passed without me knowing? Not sure.

Now... Just had a text from my mother.

'can we have WIGLET on Monday plz as i'd like to take him to see santa? don't want to be accused of harassing you but we all miss him and haven't seen him him for 2 months x'

Thus confirming my blacklist must only block calls. Can GiffGaff block numbers? Thought it was just a provider not big one like Orange? I don't know where she thinks things are just gonna click back and I'll simply hand him over! Just at a loss with that message. Enough already!

With my sister, do you think it'd be ok to text what was suggested, to meet up in person? I'm worried my mum will come along and my presents for my nan are quite bulky anyway. I think she'll do that thing again where she acts as if she's MY older sister and tells me off for what I've done. She has done that in past and it really p---ed me off!

Theres an app called SMS blocker that will block texts.

pulliptears

Wiggy, re the entry lock. DH worked for a HA some years ago and I recall him developing an old mill into HA accommodation. If memory serves we had a conversation at the time about entry lock keys and I seem to recall him saying that you can't get a copy of that key, locksmiths will not copy them and you have to approach the HA directly for copies. Obviously you can copy your own door key, but entry to communal area keys are different.

I'll ask him when he calls me later to clarify, but if this is still the case then you need only to get the key back from your Mum and not worry that there has been a copy made.

*Edit*
Ok, have spoken to DH. In newer build HA flats you will have one key that is a master key programmed to open the main door lock AND your front door, these can only be copied under license. If you have two keys, one for entry and one for your property then this is an older system and can be copied by anyone.