Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Angry_Bear

Don't worry, you and Wiglet's dad are just finding your feet again. You'll get more comfortable as time goes on

As for your families recent exploits - I think it's pretty clear that your sister is definitely your mother's emissary (for want of a better word) and that they're still trying to manipulate you. I'd have thought that bringing things round isn't to get rid of you from their house, but it's to make you think about them and stress over their motives. And probably also to nosy at the house (you know, check you've not moved see if you're in or out working, have left Wiglet with a childminder etc.)

I think you already know about the Christmas presents, you can't take Wiglet round to their house:

1. they previously snatched your child,
2. it completely undermines the harassment notice that's been issued,
3. it would be a significant step backwards on your road to freedom.

However, her question is still very difficult respond to. Personally I'd reply to sis saying that you don't intend to bring Wiglet round, but suggest that you both meet up for coffee (somewhere neutral - coffee shop) and exchange gifts in person. It would also give you a chance to speak to sis away from your mother which might be nice for you both.

As a disclaimer, through your whole thread I've found myself wanting to suggest rational responses to your mother but haven't commented because I know it would be bad advice. Rational responses don't work on irrational people. So my advice might be terrible! See what others with more experience say

ALIBOBSY

Finally finished reading this thread, its really mammoth now isn't it lol.

OP and little Wiglet just wanted to say I hope you have a good Christmas together and well done on all the brilliant things you have achieved so far.

I have had issues with my mother myself-There are some old threads I think titled can I vent about my mother. She had/has mental health issues, definately a level of OCD and keeps domestos in buisness. She used to get horrendous excema on her hands because of constant washing and used to get panic attacks when I was younger alongside bouts of agriphobia.

I was threatened with SS and my OH nearly smacked her one when she told him the kids would be better with her than me.

In the end I took charge, told her how I felt and cut contact. I think the shock of that made her really face up to how she behaved and that if she didn't change things I really was prepared to stop seeing her and she wouldn't get to see her grandkids either. She actually pulled up and stopped on the car park of some shops I was in, and as I returned to the car she came over and apologised.

Over time we have come to an understanding, I sometimes see her biting her lip, but she clearly knows I won't take any notice of her. TBH its almost become a joke between us about what she will say, and me and my sister joke about how she always says favorable things to each of us about the other-kind of trying to play you off each other, but if you laugh about it it loses its power. She also never calls around without phoning first and only comes in the house if directly invited.

I think we have reached a point where we are both content with our realtionship and the friction is gone, and I do see she loves me. Even though she is still the master of the backhanded compliment at times-this is often the sort of thing I reckon she chokes back lol.

BUT I never had a fear my mother would try to snatch any of the kids. I did have a physically and mentally abuse ex and if god forbid we had, had kids I wouldn't have let him or his family within a mile of them. So I can see your only option maybe to cut your mother out of your lives for good. It was so tough to leave him even though he was abusive, part of what abusers do is make you believe its partly your own fault and that you on some level "deserve it". Guilt and low victim self esteem are the abusers weapons of choice, they aim to produce both in their victim to keep them under control.
Makes it so hard to breakaway, I was only 19 when I met him and left when I was 23 and I understand you sometimes still feel like a frightened little girl at that age.

Whatever happens stay strong and enjoy you life with little wiglet. You have proven you are a strong, great mother and woman and life can only get better from now on. One motto I always held dear was that old serenity prayer

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference."

Merry Christmas hun, it will be the best one ever!

Ali x

wiggywoo9

duchy, my sister is having driving lessons so think so can drive supervised unless she's passed without me knowing? Not sure.

Now... Just had a text from my mother.

'can we have WIGLET on Monday plz as i'd like to take him to see santa? don't want to be accused of harassing you but we all miss him and haven't seen him him for 2 months x'

Thus confirming my blacklist must only block calls. Can GiffGaff block numbers? Thought it was just a provider not big one like Orange? I don't know where she thinks things are just gonna click back and I'll simply hand him over! Just at a loss with that message. Enough already!

With my sister, do you think it'd be ok to text what was suggested, to meet up in person? I'm worried my mum will come along and my presents for my nan are quite bulky anyway. I think she'll do that thing again where she acts as if she's MY older sister and tells me off for what I've done. She has done that in past and it really p---ed me off!

elona

wiggy

Don't reply and report it as further harassment.

Don't let sister guilt trip you into a meeting that could have mother there too.

HPoirot

No reason to meet your sister, she's only your mum's lackey at the moment isn't she? If you meet them again then this nullifies the warning they have had, and to be honest your mum might see it as a sign that all is back to her definition of normal.

Wow talk about being vindictive over nothing - what was the point of sending your baby photos, don't they hold any memories for her? What a bitter miserable kind of person she must be.

Don't you think they were just checking your main door lock yesterday, hence the useless stuff they bundled up? The lock not being changed now gives your mum the confidence to a free pass to demand that Wiglet be brought to her - FGS she will never learn if they are allowed to get in like this, or if you text back, or if you meet up, etc. About now is the right time to arrange to have it changed Wiggy. And if I were you I would not be meeting or texting any of them.

unicorn1984

I would suggest texting your sister and saying "Would love to meet you for coffee somewhere (neutral), I wont be bringing Wiglet along due to what has been going on recently, but we can exchange gifts and have a catch up".... in regards to "her", personally, I wouldn't reply. She has backed off for a while and is now testing the water. Its her own fault she hasn't seen Wiglet for 2 months!

At least if you meet your sister and "she" turns up, you are in a public place without Wiglet. You are not trapped, you can walk off. She may make a scene, but that will just go against her and make you the bigger person (again). There are so many other ways she could have done this, but she has acted horribly and she shouldn't expect to be forgiven, but clearly she still thinks she can control you in some way. Note how she doesn't mention they miss you...... keep it up youre doing great! xx

unicorn1984

Do you trust your sister?

Tixy

I wouldn't respond to mother at all Wiggy. With sister I probably would send a reply but not agree to meet up with her at the moment.

duchy wrote: »

If that is the case I'd text your sister back saying something like "The way things are presently it's probably better to post any presents you have for Wiglet. We're pretty busy at the moment & looking forward to Christmas.Hope you have a great time too Love Wiggy x"

Something like that would fit the bill nicely (and will also answer mother's text without actually replying to her).
Keeping open a line of communication with sister could be a good idea longer term. You may decide in the new year you may be ready to suggest that just you and her meet up at some point. And if she ever does decide that she is ready to get away from mother then she'll be able to turn to you.

duchy

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Now... Just had a text from my mother.

'can we have WIGLET on Monday plz as i'd like to take him to see santa? don't want to be accused of harassing you but we all miss him and haven't seen him him for 2 months x'

Thus confirming my blacklist must only block calls. Can GiffGaff block numbers? Thought it was just a provider not big one like Orange? I don't know where she thinks things are just gonna click back and I'll simply hand him over! Just at a loss with that message. Enough already!

With my sister, do you think it'd be ok to text what was suggested, to meet up in person? I'm worried my mum will come along and my presents for my nan are quite bulky anyway. I think she'll do that thing again where she acts as if she's MY older sister and tells me off for what I've done. She has done that in past and it really p---ed me off!

Well this text was from your MUM and talks about "we" so she obviously sees her and sister as a package deal.

Wiggy you are an adult -it's your decision to make but your sister is jumping to your Mother's tune....Had she even ONCE texted you to ask if you were OK or tried to stop your Mother when her behaviour went beyond normal bounds I wouldn't be saying this.....but frankly she's reliant on your Mum for home , car etc....... I wouldn't trust her any further than I could throw her personally !

Don't text Mum -you've asked for no contact so don't instigate it.

missprice

I would keep to silence, however this may be a prelude to more attempts at contact.
So if you did reply to your sis I reckon your mum is behind it all.
Would not agree to meet yet either unless you can trust that ONLY your sis would turn up.
No way should you invite her to your home, or anywhere that you can't just get up and walk out.

Still no how are you wiggy.
Love that you have adopted the wiglet name on here, and kudos to whoever thought that up.