Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Dimey

Just check whether the window film stuff remains one way at night when you have an electric light on.

You can probably get curtains & a pole or a blind at a charity shop. You have to measure the size of the window and normally the width of the curtains is double the window gap - to allow for draping. Measure the depth from where the curtain pole can be fixed not the top of the window gap.

Curtains with black out lining will be completely non see through.

Mojisola

Dimey wrote: »

Just check whether the window film stuff remains one way at night when you have an electric light on.

There are two types so make sure you know which you're buying.

jjj1980

Wiggy, again, I can totally understand the anxiety over returning home to themwaiting outside. I used to be like this over my ex and ex-inlaws. I also stopped visiting a large shopping centre as the ex-mother and ex-sister inlaws work in one of the shops there.

I still now avoid the store they work in but I refuse to avoid the shopping centre anymore as I did nothing wrong. Just in the same way you haven't.

It will get easier, just takes time. Along with everyone else I think, I'm looking forward to reading that you have had no problems with them for a while, you and wiglet feel more relaxed and that you no longer feel worried that they would be outside your house when reaching home.

wiggywoo9

Thanks No contact again and they haven't come up. Got a message from my sister last night asking what to do with toys in her boot as I'd asked for them ages ago, said she needs them out now, but no good wishes or anything. I wanted to say, sure bring them round, but worried she'd bring my mum?

I sent off the letter to ex on Tue, so he'd have got it by now. I think he has a GF at the moment and I'm worrying over if he'll respond saying he doesn't want contact or will want it but this girl to be involved. It is tricky, I don't particularly like him anymore as he's doing clubbing, drinking, etc., no job- he is my age (21) but I feel like I'm years and years older. I've never wanted that drinking, clubbing lifestyle but never got it anyway cos I was raising our child while he was doing that. I don't know. I have weird mixed feelings about involving him again, like him going out and having GFs etc I get a pang like he was 'mine'? I don't know, I probably put more emphasis on our past relationship, it being our joint first and all the hopes, engagement, etc., that we had, plus I see bits of him in my son. I really need to detach myself but how do you do that without recognising the most important person in my life, my son, came from that?

God, I'm rambling. I should just forget it all, see him as 'the dad' if he wants it, that's it. I'm too romantic, I see too much 'Parent Trap'!!

RAS

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thanks No contact again and they haven't come up. Got a message from my sister last night asking what to do with toys in her boot as I'd asked for them ages ago, said she needs them out now, but no good wishes or anything. I wanted to say, sure bring them round, but worried she'd bring my mum?

Is there any time when your son is at the childminders and you are at your placement or classes and she could meet you at the end of the session? Could you borrow a rucsac and carry them home? Or does anyone there have a car?

jellyhead

You could ask her to leave them on your doorstep, I suppose?

RAS

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I sent off the letter to ex on Tue, so he'd have got it by now. I think he has a GF at the moment and I'm worrying over if he'll respond saying he doesn't want contact or will want it but this girl to be involved. It is tricky, I don't particularly like him anymore as he's doing clubbing, drinking, etc., no job- he is my age (21) but I feel like I'm years and years older. I've never wanted that drinking, clubbing lifestyle but never got it anyway cos I was raising our child while he was doing that. I don't know. I have weird mixed feelings about involving him again, like him going out and having GFs etc I get a pang like he was 'mine'? I don't know, I probably put more emphasis on our past relationship, it being our joint first and all the hopes, engagement, etc., that we had, plus I see bits of him in my son. I really need to detach myself but how do you do that without recognising the most important person in my life, my son, came from that?

It is always hard when we have past relationships because if you like a person enough to get together once, you often like them enough to think about another try, even if it has ended. In time it gets easier IME.

I think you need to suggest little and often in terms of contact to begin with, and it will need to be supervised by you. So a meeting in the park for swings and things, a soft play session etc.

After while, ex can take wiglet out on his own and at that stage it is none of your business if GF is involved or not.

Did you say ex lives round the corner from mum? If so, he needs to be aware of the risk of abduction if he takes wiglet home.

Do you have any photos of ex? Could you put one in wiglet's rooms so he knows that this man is his dad?

paulineb_2

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thanks No contact again and they haven't come up. Got a message from my sister last night asking what to do with toys in her boot as I'd asked for them ages ago, said she needs them out now, but no good wishes or anything. I wanted to say, sure bring them round, but worried she'd bring my mum?

I sent off the letter to ex on Tue, so he'd have got it by now. I think he has a GF at the moment and I'm worrying over if he'll respond saying he doesn't want contact or will want it but this girl to be involved. It is tricky, I don't particularly like him anymore as he's doing clubbing, drinking, etc., no job- he is my age (21) but I feel like I'm years and years older. I've never wanted that drinking, clubbing lifestyle but never got it anyway cos I was raising our child while he was doing that. I don't know. I have weird mixed feelings about involving him again, like him going out and having GFs etc I get a pang like he was 'mine'? I don't know, I probably put more emphasis on our past relationship, it being our joint first and all the hopes, engagement, etc., that we had, plus I see bits of him in my son. I really need to detach myself but how do you do that without recognising the most important person in my life, my son, came from that?

God, I'm rambling. I should just forget it all, see him as 'the dad' if he wants it, that's it. I'm too romantic, I see too much 'Parent Trap'!!

Ask her to drop them off at a third parties house, I certainly would not be in any hurry to meet her, you cant trust her not to bring your mother.

duchy

I'd tell her you don't need them anymore TBH
If it was ages and ages ago what Wiglet hasn't had he won't miss.It's too soon and FAR too much of a risk your Mum will show up with her.....(or worse SHE got your sister to text in the first place).

The fact your sister is texting you with NO mention of what went on last week frankly beggers belief.

Say no Wiggy please !

*Robin*

duchy wrote: »

I'd tell her you don't need them anymore TBH
If it was ages and ages ago what Wiglet hasn't had he won't miss.It's too soon and FAR too much of a risk your Mum will show up with her.....(or worse SHE got your sister to text in the first place).

The fact your sister is texting you with NO mention of what went on last week frankly beggers belief.

Say no Wiggy please !

^^ Seconded.

Hi Wiggy, :hello:

Haven't read all of your thread, but it's clear you've come an amazing distance from a very toxic situation. Not quite out of Mother's sphere of influence yet - but doing so well; even though we are RL strangers, as a fellow MSEer I am proud of you and what you've achieved! :T

Any toys left over from before you fled, young Wiglet will have outgrown by now so please don't hesitate; tell Sister to take them to a charity shop (maybe suggest one that supports victims of abuse? ).

I also think it is likely Mum has directed Sister to make contact now - all horribly unhealthy.