Family cut themselves out of my son's life

paulineb_2

Ask another GP to do the letter. Dont worry about it for now.

Also who care what they think about where you live. I live in a crap area, but so what, no one cares.

meritaten

hang on wiggy - don't think legal help is out of your reach! The police have become involved and it may be worth persuing this avenue. Did they give you a crime number for the harassment Friday night? because that would certainly be evidence of domestic violence! plus your visit to doctor today - wouldn't the legal aid people accept that? They must know that a doctor cant put down the specifics of a patient visit!

RAS

wiggy

This is classic scapegoating by mum.
She may not be fully aware but it probably more aware than your think.

The reason middle sister is favourite is because she lets mum run her life. Maybe she is prepared to pay the price of goodies but that will not make her happy long-term.

You mention your dad;do you have any contact with him?

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

That 'niceness' you mention is tough. It's a constantly rotating game of favouritism there, my youngest sister is not liked or tolerated at all as she looks and acts very much like my dad. The middle one is pretty but not many brains, and is just a bit neutral to everything, but very cosy with my mum. Then there's me as the oldest, who saw and heard everything from the dad situation, lived through all of the toughest times more than they did as I was older and remembered it. I'm the constant 'first'- first to uni, first to boyfriends, first to have a child. All of it judged and used against me if went wrong- though how can I help it when I am the only one ahead?

The niceness follows this favouritism- she bought my sister a bloody £800-1000 wedding dress at 17 as she got 'engaged'. I was with my ex longer and before all this, engaged then pregnant, but no offer was made to help there. It was suggested I'd get a 'pitch-in' when it was my turn, but did anyone start planning honeymoons, churches, dresses even, for me when I was happy with my ex? Barely a week after my sister's 'engagement', she had an expensive dress and my mum was buying favours, etc! Yet, that was nearly two years ago, and she's been pregnant and not bothered to get married. That faltered pretty quickly.

The same with the baby. I was alone raising mine, barely any money except benefits or student finance. You'd say I needed more help. My sister, whose wasn't planned, still had her bf, got a £500 pram, all stuff paid for, cash from surestart etc, cash from partner, it goes on. I got an old baby box and a sale cot that cost £20.

And then these holidays. All free, baby and the bf too. And rent. And cars. I've always tried to hold back, thinking its just jealousy cos of her having the bf as well as the 'single parent' support. I got none of that and I am genuinely a single parent. I have no bf. She gets the same as me, but has all the love, care, etc., of a relationship too, without losing cash by being a couple, on JSA or whatever.


Sorry bit of rant, you can tell its a sore subject!

thorsoak

RAS wrote: »

wiggy

This is classic scapegoating by mum.
She may not be fully aware but it probably more aware than your think.

The reason middle sister is favourite is because she lets mum run her life. Maybe she is prepared to pay the price of goodies but that will not make her happy long-term.

You mention your dad;do you have any contact with him?

Wiggy's dad is dead

But Wiggy - do you have any contact with your father's family?

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I had to get her sign a letter to say my migraines were caused by stress, which was brought on by domestic violence, which I explained.

She would not do the letter as she said migraines weren't specific to DV but could do one confirming that I'd been to see her.

paulineb wrote: »

Ask another GP to do the letter. Dont worry about it for now.

The GP doesn't need to say that the migraines are specifically a result of the abuse. Aim for him/her to say that you are suffering stress as a result of the DV and this is contributing to the intensity and/or frequency of the migraines (or some such phrasing) plus any other health that are being made worse by the stress - anxiety, etc.

RAS

thorsoak wrote: »

Wiggy's dad is dead

But Wiggy - do you have any contact with your father's family?

Apologies wiggy. had not realised your situation.

As thorsoak says, do you know your dad's family?

Dimey

Wiggy, it won't cost you anything to speak to the police about the harassment and abduction threats.

Here is Greater Manchester Police's website, inviting people in your situation to contact them for help: -

http://www.gmp.police.uk/content/section.html?readform&s=C2805FDE7FCFE5FD802579FE00376D21


http://www.gmp.police.uk/content/section.html?readform&s=6F1202E02D336B2B8025796100400C9C

The police in your area will have a similar department, often within the Domestic Violence Unit.

I would also go back to your GP, as has been suggested and give the GP a copy of the wording you need that is within her comfort zone. Remind the GP that this is not just for you, its for Wiglet's safety too.

Saturnalia

I'm laughing at them for laughing at where you live.

You've got your own little nest for you and Wiglet, full of love and happiness. Shiny new locks on the door so that lot couldn't get in. It might not be the best house ever in terms of looks, area, etc. but it is your drama-free haven where that lot can't hurt either of you.

And you got free all by yourself and created that safe place for you and Wiglet. That's a home to be so proud of, and that lot will never understand that!

duchy

The "niceness" (for want of a better word) ...is exactly what I had assumed you meant. Unfortunately it's not uncommon but often people don't talk about it because they are embarrassed to admit it -or feel they must be unlovable in some way to be treated so differently by their parent....so that leads to further loss of self esteem. The reality is it is the parent's failing and they were often treated the same way themselves as a child ...or had a sibling that was so think it is "normal".

My Mum was the "misfit" child of seven and she and my grandmother had a horrible relationship and although I know she loved me -some of her behaviour baffled me and did damage my self esteem as I was often treated differently. Even as an adult she'd put me down .....I mostly ignored it but one day she caught me on the raw and I asked her why on earth she always did it......she said she didn't know what I was talking about but I refused to let it go...and eventually there was a long pause and she said "I'm sorry my Mother always did it to me and I didn't ever realize I was doing the same to you" We then had the first proper talk we'd ever had about my Grandmother (she died when I was a year old and I was then in my forties) and I understood why my Mum never talked about her. I felt like a load had been lifted from me -and I am so glad I pushed things that day as my Mum died a few months later. Maybe one day you'll get that kind of closure too Wiggy - but it'll be after you've broken completely free and have a whole new life. Asking her now wouldn't get you answers -you're both too close to the situation...I had to wait til I was forty five and by then had come to terms with it anyway - and it was just nice to have affirmation that it wasn't my "fault" even though intellectually I already knew it.

You're breaking the pattern of generations of dysfunctional family behavour most likely Wiggy..... Wiglet is a lucky lad.

rpc

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Still, not nice when you have less

Who's got less?

You might not have a fancy pushchair or expensive holidays but, in the grand scheme of things, they don't really matter. The richest slave in the world is still a slave!

Instead of material possessions, you have things that matter. A life. Freedom. Morals.