Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Dimey

It does feel like we've adopted Wiggy on here. Giving her the love, support and guidance she should have got from her Mother.

When Wiggy was in fear, waiting for the police, I just wanted to jump in my car to go help her. I know that's not what forums are all about but you just feel for someone who doesn't have the family support that most people take for granted.

It will be wonderful for MSE Posters when Wiggy is out the other side and posts that she's no longer bothered by her Mother or the impact her mother has had on Wiggy's mindset.

I know all the work will have been done by Wiggy herself, clever and brave lady that she is. But so many MSE posters have helped with encouragement and advice. It must give Wiggy strength and wisdom that she'd not been taught by her mother.

MSE is my first and only forum. I didn't realise how useful and productive forums could be. This thread must be one of most successful there is.

mcja

Having read some of this over the past couple of night, reported when necessary, and been very proud of a stranger.

An anonymous forum is a wonderful tool in that it gives the confidence to be honest. I think Wiglet has a lot of surrogate aunts and grandparents now on this thread, Wiggy, you are an awesome mum (with a !!!!!! role model). Keep up the good job and using the internal strength that is so evident.

meritaten

I know what you mean - I have felt really protective about Wiggy and Wiglet! I felt so helpless when her mum was outside! I really wanted to go and 'sort her mum out'! probably not the most PC thing to post - but I felt the same as if it had been one of my kids being scared! The Mama Tiger instinct kicked in!

rpc

I won't post what I think of your parent - I'd probably end up PPR'd.

I think that incident shows that she has probably reached the end of her line. She's tried every technique she knows and Wiggy hasn't responded like she was meant to.

Part of me wonders what she will try next, but for your sake I hope she finally takes the hint! She'll see that you aren't under her control any more and, unlike her, you are serious about using the law to protect yourself and wiglet.

It sounds like you and your neighbour might mutually benefit from some each other's support.

duchy

I bet there a few family members internally cheering that someone has finally had the guts to stand up to this woman.

I had an aunt who was a bit like Wiggy's Mum and all her (many) brothers and sisters were terrified of her .....to the point that no-one ever confronted her and her husband over issues caused by him that were serious and damaging to children in the family (including me). She could be kind and generous but when she turned on you she was absolutely evil.....and acted in ways that went way beyond what anyone would consider to be normal I'm sure Wiggy's Mum *can* be lovely but no amount of loveliness can outweigh absolutely vile behaviour at other times. Especially as it sounds like she (like my aunt) could never admit when she's wrong.

I could never understand why the adults in the family didn't do more to protect the kids -we were told to avoid situations rather than set her off .....It's probably why as an adult I cannot stand to see injustices of any kind and will kick off when keeping my mouth shut would be more prudent at times.

Incidently Wiggy the couple of times in my early twenties I *did* stand up to her -she was at first furious - but when I just walked away and refused to "play" eventually the penny dropped and she (after a lot of ranting about me to my brother and parents ) accepted we could have a distant but cordial relationship. I would visit her after she went into sheltered housing but simply wouldn't allow her to draw me in. If the conversation started to go that way I simply made my excuses and left. It took a long time but she did respect I was strong enough to not take her crepe. In time - but it may be a long time -you might get to that sort of relationship with your Mum - but it won't be a quick fix. Like my aunt she's had it all her own way for years and at the moment is outraged that you are behaving so "abnormally" in her eyes (as in you aren't cowering to her every demand like the rest of the family). I did love my aunt and I know you do love your Mum but I had to make a strong distinction between loving the person and hating the behaviour -and not allowing my love to ignore the horrible and damaging behaviour. It's a fine balance and it may take years to get to that point-if at all but that possibility always exists.

mellymoo74

duchy wrote: »

I bet there a few family members internally cheering that someone has finally had the guts to stand up to this woman.

I had an aunt who was a bit like Wiggy's Mum and all her (many) brothers and sisters were terrified of her .....to the point that no-one ever confronted her and her husband over issues caused by him that were serious and damaging to children in the family (including me). She could be kind and generous but when she turned on you she was absolutely evil.....and acted in ways that went way beyond what anyone would consider to be normal I'm sure Wiggy's Mum *can* be lovely but no amount of loveliness can outweigh absolutely vile behaviour at other times. Especially as it sounds like she (like my aunt) could never admit when she's wrong.

I could never understand why the adults in the family didn't do more to protect the kids -we were told to avoid situations rather than set her off .....It's probably why as an adult I cannot stand to see injustices of any kind and will kick off when keeping my mouth shut would be more prudent at times.

I agree, I also think Wiggys mum is lovely when things are going her way and turns into this when they are not.

How are you today Wiggy?

duchy

mellymoo74 wrote: »

I agree, I also think Wiggys mum is lovely when things are going her way and turns into this when they are not.

How are you today Wiggy?

Yep she's obviously very generous with holidays and presents ...... but they come at a price.

mellymoo74

duchy wrote: »

Yep she's obviously very generous with holidays and presents ...... but they come at a price.

exactly then they can be used as a stick when she doesnt agree

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

Yep she's obviously very generous with holidays and presents ...... but they come at a price.

But you'd never be able to relax in case the next thing you said set her off on a rant about how useless you are! And you'd carry on "paying" for the holiday for years - "How can you behave like that when I paid for you to go to Spain?"

I'd rather never have a holiday than pay that price.

paulineb_2

I dont think she sounds lovely at all. Any niceness is just part of the game I think.