Family cut themselves out of my son's life

duchy

paulineb wrote: »

I dont think she sounds lovely at all. Any niceness is just part of the game I think.

I think it is more like a personality disorder than a game ....I think the niceness may very well be genuine and she just turns when she feels thwarted. That is certainly how my aunt was. Blinking Jekel and Hyde ! It was like two different people.

mellymoo74

ditto my mother lovely as long as it was going her way nasty when not

paulineb_2

Im sure she has some kind of mental health problem as Ive said before, however, even so, there surely has to come a point where mental health problem or not, you know that your behaviour is very wrong. You try and abduct someones son and you are surprised when your daughter doesnt want much ongoing contact with you?

After that, nothing could make up for an action like that as far as Im concerned.

duchy

paulineb wrote: »

Im sure she has some kind of mental health problem as Ive said before, however, even so, there surely has to come a point where mental health problem or not, you know that your behaviour is very wrong. You try and abduct someones son and you are surprised when your daughter doesnt want much ongoing contact with you?

After that, nothing could make up for an action like that as far as Im concerned.

I suspect she convinces herself that she is "doing it for their own good" so feels the ends justify the means type thought process. Not an acceptable justification to "normal people" and not dissimilar to how some domestic abusers justify physically attacking their partners .....or even mentally attacking them. The only difference this is Mother to Daugher and Grandchild abuse rather than partner to partner abuse.

randomnut

Your decision to not allow your son out of the country without you is simply good parenting so kudos for standing your ground with it.

Your offer for them to take him for a week in the UK is kind hearted enough so if they have kicked off about this, then you and your son are better off without that kind of influence in your lives. Personally I wouldn't go even that far, spending some nights over the grandparents is one thing but any extended stay somewhere at that age and I want to be there.

wiggywoo9

That 'niceness' you mention is tough. It's a constantly rotating game of favouritism there, my youngest sister is not liked or tolerated at all as she looks and acts very much like my dad. The middle one is pretty but not many brains, and is just a bit neutral to everything, but very cosy with my mum. Then there's me as the oldest, who saw and heard everything from the dad situation, lived through all of the toughest times more than they did as I was older and remembered it. I'm the constant 'first'- first to uni, first to boyfriends, first to have a child. All of it judged and used against me if went wrong- though how can I help it when I am the only one ahead?

The niceness follows this favouritism- she bought my sister a bloody £800-1000 wedding dress at 17 as she got 'engaged'. I was with my ex longer and before all this, engaged then pregnant, but no offer was made to help there. It was suggested I'd get a 'pitch-in' when it was my turn, but did anyone start planning honeymoons, churches, dresses even, for me when I was happy with my ex? Barely a week after my sister's 'engagement', she had an expensive dress and my mum was buying favours, etc! Yet, that was nearly two years ago, and she's been pregnant and not bothered to get married. That faltered pretty quickly.

The same with the baby. I was alone raising mine, barely any money except benefits or student finance. You'd say I needed more help. My sister, whose wasn't planned, still had her bf, got a £500 pram, all stuff paid for, cash from surestart etc, cash from partner, it goes on. I got an old baby box and a sale cot that cost £20.

And then these holidays. All free, baby and the bf too. And rent. And cars. I've always tried to hold back, thinking its just jealousy cos of her having the bf as well as the 'single parent' support. I got none of that and I am genuinely a single parent. I have no bf. She gets the same as me, but has all the love, care, etc., of a relationship too, without losing cash by being a couple, on JSA or whatever.


Sorry bit of rant, you can tell its a sore subject!

paulineb_2

But you have your freedom now and you cant put a price on that.

thorsoak

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

That 'niceness' you mention is tough. It's a constantly rotating game of favouritism there, my youngest sister is not liked or tolerated at all as she looks and acts very much like my dad. The middle one is pretty but not many brains, and is just a bit neutral to everything, but very cosy with my mum. Then there's me as the oldest, who saw and heard everything from the dad situation, lived through all of the toughest times more than they did as I was older and remembered it. I'm the constant 'first'- first to uni, first to boyfriends, first to have a child. All of it judged and used against me if went wrong- though how can I help it when I am the only one ahead?

The niceness follows this favouritism- she bought my sister a bloody £800-1000 wedding dress at 17 as she got 'engaged'. I was with my ex longer and before all this, engaged then pregnant, but no offer was made to help there. It was suggested I'd get a 'pitch-in' when it was my turn, but did anyone start planning honeymoons, churches, dresses even, for me when I was happy with my ex? Barely a week after my sister's 'engagement', she had an expensive dress and my mum was buying favours, etc! Yet, that was nearly two years ago, and she's been pregnant and not bothered to get married. That faltered pretty quickly.

The same with the baby. I was alone raising mine, barely any money except benefits or student finance. You'd say I needed more help. My sister, whose wasn't planned, still had her bf, got a £500 pram, all stuff paid for, cash from surestart etc, cash from partner, it goes on. I got an old baby box and a sale cot that cost £20.

And then these holidays. All free, baby and the bf too. And rent. And cars. I've always tried to hold back, thinking its just jealousy cos of her having the bf as well as the 'single parent' support. I got none of that and I am genuinely a single parent. I have no bf. She gets the same as me, but has all the love, care, etc., of a relationship too, without losing cash by being a couple, on JSA or whatever.


Sorry bit of rant, you can tell its a sore subject!

Watch it, Wiggywoo - or you'll be suckered back in! Would you REALLY want to be paid to be back under your mother's thumb? She is paying to keep her close - not for love, but for power! And, one day, when your sister - or b/f - or baby - does something to upset Mommy Dearest - she too will be chucked out without a penny to her name!

You've proved to be independant, you're managing on your own - struggliing maybe - but you are putting down roots which will take you far - you are answerable to no-one, you can dress wiglet how you like, you can play with him, sing to him without MD telling you that you are doing it all wrong!

Yes, it is a sore subject - but unfortunately you haven't GOT a loving mum - but your experiences will make sure that Wiglet does have a loving mum x

wiggywoo9

Yeah I know, only one who's got out! Still, not nice when you have less and then they take the mickey out of where you live as well

Today went okay. Doctor said son was fine. I had to get her sign a letter to say my migraines were caused by stress, which was brought on by domestic violence, which I explained. She would not do the letter as she said migraines weren't specific to DV but could do one confirming that I'd been to see her. I needed evidence of abuse to get legal aid, for the help from my legal adviser, and without this, I'm now going to be on my own.

I'm praying my mum leaves well enough alone cos now I have no legal backing. Or fork out £80-110 which is the cost of the legal help for the case. Felt so panicked after, then went to maths class and did percentages. Took my mind off it, but now back to square one. I don't have that money right before Christmas and struggling as it is with other things to pay for.

harrys_nan

wiggy,
your the one that can hold her head up high and be proud very proud of everything you have achieved, you have proved yourself to be a brilliant mother, it's your sister's than need help, not you , you are more than capable of standing on your own 2 feet. I know life is a bit tough at the moment for you, but it is getting better, wiglet has a mum to be proud of