Family cut themselves out of my son's life

burnoutbabe

definitely do not send. If they want to meet up with you, then maybe exchange cards, get them something small/present for the baby but no reason to send when no one acknowldges or may even get them.

meritaten

wiggy, if you have had no acknowledgement of gifts or cards after all this time - stop sending them. they are either not receiving them or not appreciating them. OR
for your nan, I would say to send flowers and ask for them to be delivered when you think your mother is out. eg at work.
The only other option I can think of, is to phone a neighbour and ask if you can send parcels to them, and they would give them to your nan and sisters when your mother isn't there.

Person_one

Its completely up to you what you want to do. What will make you feel better or worse is something only you can decide.

You have lots of options. You could send presents for the children but cards for everybody else, or cards for everybody, or cards and presents for the kids but nothing for the adults.

Don't worry about how they will be received, think about how you will feel sending them and do whatever will make you feel the least worst on Christmas Day.

wiggywoo9

But what if there's a chance they do get them and like their gift, but can't say or express it?


I'm scared that this will mean that's it, no contact for years and years. At least now I can say I still thought about you at Christmas and birthdays if they got in contact?

burnoutbabe

They can say or express their thanks, if they want to.

They are all old enough to be able to email/text/visit if they wanted to.

I'd spend more time trying to just be in touch with them generally.

wiggywoo9

what do you mean? how?

LannieDuck

I'm not sure how they would acknowledge the gifts at this point. IIRC they did try to reciprocate with gifts for your son in the beginning and you made it clear that it was unwelcome. If your Mum contacts you, the police get involved. I assume your Nan is unfamiliar with social media and doesn't have your phone number?

Which leaves your sisters - I've never quite been clear if they know that it's just your Mum who's unwelcome or if they think they are too. But either way, they probably don't want to get stuck in the middle. Presumably it wouldn't go over well with your Mum if they struck up a conversation with you?

I would continue to send the gifts if you can afford it. At least for the kids. Even if they go straight in the bin, you know you've tried.

Edit: Just read back a bit. It seems like your Nan does have your address. I would try and find that courage to go visit her sometime. Maybe the day before her birthday? (It probably would mean bumping into one or more of your family, so I suspect others on the thread will disagree.)

harrys_nan

I think I would go with my heart if you want to send gifts then send them I wouldn't, but you have to do what is the right thing for you.

I do think your sisters are mean in that they could very easily send you a text and your mother would never know. They could also post a card to you without anyone knowing. They will never say thank you to you while your mother has them under her control.

I would definitely send my nan flowers.

I hope you'r keeping well and little, or not so little now twiglet x

gettingtheresometime

also I would think twice about sending photos of you & wiglet even on a calendar to your nan.

As horrible as it sounds, assuming your mum would have access to this calendar, then she has up to date photos of wiglet which she would put to goodness know what use

jackyann

ITA with person_one, who says its about what makes you feel best.

My own approach would be not to send to those who are capable of responding & haven't, but continue to send to those who couldn't respond if they wanted to.

I also agree with gettingthere about photos, but I wonder about a drawing by wiglet? Assuming you use standard paper that can be bought anywhere, then nothing can be traced, and it would show how much you are thinking of your nan.

Wiggy - you are very thoughtful, and I think that at some point in the future, this will serve you very well. But do keep thinking of yourself as well.