Family cut themselves out of my son's life

wiggywoo9

It is my birthday on Monday. Last year I had a good friend in my life who got me a little gift and card, and we didn't do anything. No one else bothered.
Just feeling a little sorry for myself as again, no one is bothering. Only a week ago I spent money on three small gifts for a friends birthday plus the event and despite me making a big thing out of her birthday, getting excited for her, asking her what she'd like, etc. there's just no such thing for me. Not long before that, I had a separate friends birthday and got some flowers delivered to her.
I have saved hard and booked 3 days in London with my boy. I made a comment about our trip but she just ignored it. I don't expect anyone will bother with a card or anything. My nan sent me a card and £20 which will go towards our trip, which was lovely. But none of my friends have acknowledged it and I doubt anyone would if it wasn't for Facebook birthday notifications.
Just feeling sad that although I thought I made progress this year, I will be in exactly the same position as last year- no real friends, no one who cares and no family.
I think I need to lower my own expectations, although I would have really felt grateful if even one friend had bothered with a card. I know we don't give to receive and I enjoy making me people feel happy, but doesn't anyone else like to do that as well?

Think birthdays are always a sensitive time!!

thorsoak

Happy Birthday Wiggy woo - the one person who cares about you is still too little to realise that Monday will be your birthday - but in the future he will - and he'll make sure you have a happy dayxxx

It's so good that your Nan remembered and sent you a card and some money - so someone else does care xxxx

And - it's not Monday yet ;-)

mellymoo74

Happy birthday wiggy.
You have moved forwards look at how far you have come!

Xx

harrys_nan

A very happy birthday for Monday wiggy,:bdaycake:_party_
wiglet cares for you very much, you are his life. I am glad your nan has sent you a card and a gift, Monday isn't here yet by the way:p
I wouldn't stress too much re your "friends" I myself find it very hard to make friends, I think that nowadays people have a lot going on in their lives and don't stop and think about other people very much.
Have a brilliant time in London, relax and enjoy xx

Northern78

Wiggywoo we share the same birthday!! I hope you and your little man have a lovely day. I'll be having a cheeky glass of wine on Monday and will raise a glass to you and wish you happy birthday. X

Corelli

Hi Wiggy, I hope you had a lovely birthday.

C x

Pidge_jen

Hi Wiggy,
We share a birthday too! Happy birthday for last Monday. I hope you had a great day with Wiglet.

wiggywoo9

Thanks everyone, had a few birthday wishes on facebook, but as I predicted, nothing else. Did have a good time in London though wiglet was really playing up at times and I really nearly hit breaking point with his behaviour. Sometimes it's just playing up 'on purpose' to spite me which is incredibly frustrating and got me down.


What annoyed me was that a friend (who I was seeing romantically for a few months but we are now friends) was looking after the dog for me while we were away and staying in our flat. The way things were left- exactly as I left them- not even bothering to pick a coat up or wash up a solitary cup I left by the sink from a rushed breakfast. It was as if he'd made himself at home and purposely avoided being considerate or helpful. I realise that was nice of him to sit, he did offer and did it once before, but this time it seemed odd. I mean, if you're washing up anyway, what's one extra cup?? It was from milk as well so had gone nasty in the bottom, which you'd definitely notice.


I'd left him a card to say thank you and some alcohol- card was gone, but drink still there. And though he would've seen my solitary card from my nan, he didn't bother with a cheap one. Maybe I was expecting a bit much- last time it was very different, he'd even left a welcome-home cake in the fridge! It just seemed weird.


I think I'm just going to live by something- my happiness and life is always going to be my sole responsibility and no-one else's. Everyone seems to think so differently to me, I swear the world is more selfish! Think I'll just carry on being as helpful and kind as I can, but not relying on anyone for it back, it never happens!!

duchy

I wouldn't expect to be picking up for someone I was doing a favour for (and I'm not even a bloke )
As for the card- he's a bloke - blokes don't do cards for friends - that's a thing girls do- Blokes only buy cards for girlfriends and their Mums (and most people only guy cards for family and partners and send facebook messages to everyone else nowadays anyway - No wonder the Royal Mail is dying .....

Of course your happiness is your responsibility -it's the same for everyone.......and weirdly....The less you expect-the more you get !!
I have friends I've done huge things for and it is never mentioned again .....and aquaintances I've done something small for that they remember and embarass me by going on about it to others long afterwards...... There's no rhyme or reason to people

Flybaby

WiggyWoo - it has taken me some time but I have finally read this entire thread. You sound like an amazing mum. And your blood family sound gut wrenchingly self obsessed and manipulative and I can relate to that.


Now.........I say blood family.....because that is all they are.............the people you are genetically similar too.


It took me 35 years to stand up to my dad, and when I did, the entire family came down on his side. Half of them have just been under his control for so long they do not know any different and the other half are so scared of him they wouldn't dare go against his orders. I am sure I am spoken of as the crazy, ungrateful, malicious one in the family.


Here are my thoughts................ I spend my time and effort on those who deserve it and those who bring value to my life, not cut me down and abuse me at every given opportunity.


Most people cannot possibly understand how you could "possibly cut out your own family" - whereas they have not considered that your "own family" should surely be the ones loving, caring and protecting from the world even more so than random strangers - which clearly your DON'T.


I have NO regrets about "losing" my blood family. I am human and so I do secretly wonder what they are doing and I wish most of them well in life, but I want no contact or to ever see or hear of them again.


I am lucky enough to have my mum, as my dad (thankfully) abandoned my mom before I was actually born, so I consider myself incredibly lucky.


You never have to see or speak to them again if you do not want to and you will find other wonderful human beings to fill your life. And I caution that any attempt to have part or limited relationships will only eventually end the same - like I say - I tried for 35 years to fix whatever was wrong with me that they hated so much and to live up to their standards etc....they really do not deserve you or wiglet.


Do I still fear them tracking me down, turning up at my door? Yep. Am I sitting here with my front curtains closed across the big bay windows in this lovely sunshine in case they were to turn up unexpectedly, Yep, Do I worry about any unknown mail that lands on my doorstep? YEP, Do I worry about the lies and horrible things they are saying about me? Yep............the worry of all these things happening never goes away and the imaginings in your head will continue for a long time and then one day, just maybe, one day........ you realise that you cannot change them, only change your attitude to them and whilst that will take years and you won't realise it happening. I promise one day you will not feel so scared.


One thing that has stuck out for me through this whole thread though - that key to the front door of your block.............you need to get it back. Even though she has signed the agreement. Next time you are speaking to the police or another professional -ask them if they can do anything to get it back from her and to remind her that she has signed a no contact agreement and is trespassing to be in your building. The key may have been given over once, but it's return has been requested (Verbally at least) and you should try and get someone to include that in any future correspondence to her.


And finally - do you have curtains or coverings at all the windows yet? If not, please PM me and I will assist in getting that sorted because I know how much safe feeling it can provide. (And I am a dab hand with a sewing machine)


With much hugs and admiration xxx