Family cut themselves out of my son's life

clark24

It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life, and I didn't trust the school after that. Their only defence was that they couldn't possibly conceive that the father and grandmother would do anything to hurt her, and this was after I had shown them legal documentation that both these people had previously tried to kill her and abduct her. I wasn't even late picking her up, they had just come early saying they were taking her, and the school didn't even ring me to check.

I find schools are nurserys are not very good at understanding about not letting children go to family members, especially ones who seem nice and the child knows, and I am only saying all this because I have been following this thread as it bears far too many similarities with my previous situation and I wouldn't want the same thing happening.

wiggywoo9

Thank you clark24 I will make a huge point of it when he starts, I don't think my heart or head could bear that situation, and god forbid anyone trying to restrain me if something had happened to him. I don't think people get the situation sometimes- it is my one and only baby, the greatest love in my life.

clark24

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thank you clark24 I will make a huge point of it when he starts, I don't think my heart or head could bear that situation, and god forbid anyone trying to restrain me if something had happened to him. I don't think people get the situation sometimes- it is my one and only baby, the greatest love in my life.

That's the problem, people just don't get the situation, nowadays people know about stranger danger but totally let their guard down when it comes to grandma picking a child up.

If necessary ask if you can meet with all the staff, explain in clear detail how there will never ever be a situation where the people you have told them about are allowed to even enter the nursery, let alone leave with your child. Explain that if this ever happens yuo will hold them wholly responsible. Don't assume they have stringent safety procedures, they have many children to care for and sometimes they forget what's been told.

I learned the hard way that just telling the school didn't work, I had to threaten them with the law (I believe it came under aiding and abetting the kidnapping of a minor).

meritaten

OMG clark24 - that must have been the worst time of your life!
its what I would be afraid for for Wiglet - because I am a nan and until recently used to pick up granddaughters from school - then they changed schools and I couldn't get there easily. so I was only down as a 'contact' in emergency............but, DIL asked me to pick them one day as she was down A&E and said she would ring the school to tell them. so I picked them up (youngest was aged about 5/6) and nobody even checked I was who I said I was! they just took the childrens word for it that I was 'nanny' - and DIL hadn't even managed to get through to them! so from experience - please impress on them the legal consequences of letting anyone other than yourself pick him up.

clark24

meritaten wrote: »

OMG clark24 - that must have been the worst time of your life!
its what I would be afraid for for Wiglet - because I am a nan and until recently used to pick up granddaughters from school - then they changed schools and I couldn't get there easily. so I was only down as a 'contact' in emergency............but, DIL asked me to pick them one day as she was down A&E and said she would ring the school to tell them. so I picked them up (youngest was aged about 5/6) and nobody even checked I was who I said I was! they just took the childrens word for it that I was 'nanny' - and DIL hadn't even managed to get through to them! so from experience - please impress on them the legal consequences of letting anyone other than yourself pick him up.

It was definitely one of them.

I have just got the impression from Wiggys posts that her family don't really seem to see the problem, they want to be part of Wiglets life and appear unconcerned that they have told they can't be, and her mother appears to be a sandwich short of a picnic so I just fear that one day the crazy old bat will want to see Wiglet and unless the nursery has had the fear of god put into them about what would happen if they let him go with Grandma then... well I've lived it and it's something you never forget (although I do not believe Wiglets life would be at risk so that is one small mercy).

I really hope it never happens, just you can't be too careful and sometimes nurseries and schools need really be told that just because a child knows the adult and the adult is a relative, it does not mean it is safe to release the child to them.

meritaten

I hope we haven't scared Wiggy too much! to reassure her a bit - the previous school the kids went to I had both taken all three kids and picked them up regularly - and was impressed with the way the kids were let out of school. on more than one occasion, a new member of staff or TA, would query who I was and check with other staff I had the right to pick them up. I didn't mind this one iota - its better to inconvenience someone than put a child in danger.

barbiedoll

And of course, Wigwitch will have no idea which nursery that Wiglet is attending. I doubt that even she is stupid or mad enough to trot around every nursery school in town, asking for him!

Wiggy, all the advice that has been given is very good, do you have other "contacts" for when Wiglet is at nursery, in case of an emergency? The password idea is excellent, we first heard of that when our son was younger, we put it into practice immediately. Make sure that it is something really easy for Wiglet to remember, we used "Spidey" as our son's favourite toy was a Spiderman figure. Mind you, it didn't help much when our son decided to wander out of the nursery one morning, and took himself off back towards the childminders house! :eek: Luckily, a lovely young woman in a car noticed him walking down the road by himself and stopped him. Apparently, he'd slipped out when the mums and dads were going home after dropping their kids off. I had a meeting with the staff and a letter was sent to all of the parents and carers, and a staff member was posted at the gate every morning to make sure that no other kids managed to escape.

Kids eh?....no wonder the market is so strong in hair dye, I've only had grey hair since giving birth! :rotfl:

duchy

Quite scary just how stupid people can be.
I remember I had a nursery all picked out for DS and we went to register him - whilst I was there I asked if we could just sit quietly and watch to get a feel for what went on. They agreed and we were sitting where the staff working with the kids could see us-In no way hidden.

It was meal time and one of the staff dropped a spoon on the floor whilst she was feeding a very young one- she picked it up off the floor and stuck it straight back in the jar and went on feeding the child....I was gobsmacked and decided if she did that kind of thing wen she knew people were watching- what on earth would she do when not been watched. Needless to say - we didn't send DS there.

mum2one

Corelli wrote: »

Good to hear from you Wiggy, and good news about the holiday, nursery etc. A thought occurred to me. Now Wiglet is getting older it could be as well to start using a password system to protect him from the possibility of abduction. Of course in your case it is not 'stranger danger' but this IO is worth implementing with any child old enough to talk and respond.

The idea is you have a password, anyone that does need to collect your child will know it. So if person X turns up with a convincing story of why the child should be collected by them rather than the usual carer, they are asked what the password is. If they don't know it they are not genuine. This was drilled into my children at a very early age. I think in retrospect, practising it with friends of mine that they knew would have been a useful exercise as well.

Clark24, that is an awful story. Thanks for sharing it as an example of the possible negligence of childcare professionals. I shudder to think of such happenings, every parent's nightmare.

I also agree re the password, I had to do that for DD, due to her fathers behaviour and his side, I also sent in a "safe list" of family/friends (only 3 names) who if they couldn't get hold of me / grandparents they had an emergency contact.

I only had probs with a headmaster (dd was in yr 3 or 4), he wanted my ex's details to send school report to.... despite him not being allowed near (courts), back to the solicitors to get a letter sent...

Passport - I know this may sound daft but I was advised to get DD a passport as soon as I could for her safety.

x

jackyann

Just to reassure wiggy (and others).
It is exactly the kind of dreadful things that clark described that have led to a tightening of procedures.
Every nursery & school now must have proper procedures for pick up. It is of course, right that anyone who is worried does explain their concern, but staff will have had training to guard against the attitude that clark found.

It is now much more likely that you will find yourself in a minor family emergency quite unable to get your child picked up by a trusted friend! Nurseries limit the number of people on the "pick up" list for obvious reasons.

And do be careful with passwords: people who have been close to you will have an idea of the words you might use. Stick a pin in a magazine or book (you may forget computer passwords, you won't forget the nursery one!)