Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Kaye1

Ok, switch it around. Social services have to deal with some VERY hardcore cases. (I have v.limited experience through my work but know some are very tough.)


Abuse, beatings, malnourished children with no beds, terrible, terrible things.


They have limited time, funds and staff. In the nicest possible way, they are not interested in you!


Even if she did try something, they would take one look at you, and know they didn't need to be involved.


Again, I stress I have limited experience with social services, but they are also quite aware that people make malicious reports. She is just using this as a threat. If you let her worry you with these threats, she has power over you. Take a deep breath and let any power that she has over you just go.


My children have not seen grandmother for almost 2 years. Best. decision. ever. I don't think about her from one month to the next. I live my life free of toxic influence and I love it.

barbiedoll

I honestly don't think that you have any need to worry about social services Wiggy, if we all had our kids taken away for telling them off on the bus, none of us would have our kids with us! I was forever telling my son off when we were on the bus..."Stop jumping on the seat, sit down, stop kicking, leave that lady's hair alone" etc, etc, etc. In fact, seeing a child being told off for poor behaviour in public, is a sign of good parenting, not bad!

It sounds as though you put up a good fight, telling her why you don't want to see her. I don't suppose you know the name of the "friend" who supposedly filmed you? If so, do tell the police in your statement, she may well be another one to find herself on the end of a tongue-lashing from the boys in blue, what on earth was she thinking?

I know this has freaked you out a little but as you are well aware, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, or your parenting skills. Report her, take steps to move if you wish and then forget all about her. Don't let her stop you living your life, we're all filmed on CCTV throughout our day anyway, how important is one more shaky, camera-phone picture/video? All that it would prove, is just how mad your mother really is.

duchy

If she gets sovial services involved they may very well take too much of an interest in *her* domestic set up and start wondering about elder abuse so she'd be nuts.

As she has specifically told you the person taking photos of of you *and your son* is from her workplace -and taking photos of children without permission of their parent and guardian is regarded as extremely undesirable behaviour (check back on your teaching texts about child protection and the issues with nativity plays , sports days etc and photographs) the police may very well listen to a suggestion that they attend her workplace and speak to the person involved -or the staff in general if she won't name them.

The fact she has made this claim needs to be documented -it is part of a larger picture.

Ideally you should be telling the police you want her to be told she needs to keep away from your home and your child and to not try to contact either of you in any way including gifts or sending people to "spy" on you.

If she shows up again - grab your phone and take a photo of her at your door before firmly shutting the door and refusing to interact with her.

Don't give her a chance to pour poison in your ear- you have a happy and well adjusted little boy. Apply for uni for this year- not just locally but further afield too -and if you get a place and can't move in time apply to defer for a year -and use that year to get an exchange to a nearby council. You really have little to keep you in the area and a new start may be just the thing you need -and doing it before Wiglet starts school is ideal.

You could end up in a new city or even on the coast where you and Wiglet can go to the beach every day - the world really is your oyster and this little incident may just be the push you need.

http://www.essex.ac.uk/students/groups/families.aspx , is worth reading

Hope you and Wiglet are having a lovely family day -and haven't let this nasty but insignificant incident to spoil your Easter.

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

She constantly accused me 'of not being right' (in the head)

You know that by this she means "you're not doing what I want you to do and are making your own decisions about yours and Wiggy's life".

Good for you - keep on doing it. You are setting such a wonderful example to your son of how to live your life even in the face of such nastiness.

You know how content he is - what on earth would his life be like if you had let your mother have control over his life.:(

duchy

If everyone who didn't do exactly what I wanted wasn't "right in the head" the mental hospitals would be overflowing !!

She's trying to push your buttons.

I wonder if the police would be prepared to retrieve the block key from her when they go to talk to her ?

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

I wonder if the police would be prepared to retrieve the block key from her when they go to talk to her ?

It's got to be worth asking.

Robisere

As a loving granddad I can say that I would never try to blackmail my dd or ds about my grandchildren, in that way or any other. Our attitude has always been 'they are yours, you are the responsible parents'. Both ds and dd are single parents of a son and a daughter. We have taken all of them on holiday with us at one time or another, but at 2 years old? Would not even consider that. The only time that we took a grandchild as a baby, was the eldest (now 21) who was 8 months old - and mum came with us. I have wonderful memories of all the times with my "grandbrats" as I call them. None of those memories are spoiled by dictatorial behaviour on our part.

Your parents have absolutely no 'rights' under the law over your son, as grandparents. Considering this awful behaviour on their part, give them no opportunity to affect the relationship between yourself and your son. That is precious and they should not try to interfere with your parenting. We just regard ourselves as very fortunate to be in a position to see our grandbrats so often, and to have such a loving relationship with all 4 of them. (Although Granddad's Taxi duties do get a bit wearing sometimes.) As I type this, my 9 year old gd has wandered in, sat on my knee and asked what I am doing. We have had the pleasure of her company for 2 nights and mum will be picking her up soon after the short break we gave her to enjoy her birthday. Times like these are so precious to us, what kind of grandparent wants to ruin that?

I have no doubt that they will come back to you. When they do, make it plain that any relationship with their grandson, is on YOUR terms. I also have no doubt that you will make friends soon. My dd was 'dumped' in a draughty, cold cottage when our gs was a month old, knew no one. Now she has loads of friends and has a very good teaching job, has carried out work to make the house better and is having more work done soon. Make a life for yourself and your son: if your parents want to share it, that's fine, but do not allow them to dictate to you.

wiggywoo9

Duchy- I finished uni in 2013. I'm doing two placements and 4 courses at the moment to improve my CV and get a step towards teaching. I applied for PGCE this year but unsuccessful as l2 maths isn't enough. So another year out to get my D GCSE maths up to a C.


She didn't say a name, just said work mate. I'll mention it to the police. Thank you everyone!

MothballsWallet

Wiggy, if the Wigwitch* tries the "calling on your doorstep" trick again, try to keep this in mind - and have your phone in your pocket:

If, at any point, her words or behaviour, give you cause for concern for wiglet's or your safety, you dial 999 in front of her, ask for the Police and tell them she's there and you have concerns for the safety of yourself and your child.

They should then treat your call as a priority.

* I'd like to refer to your mother using a slightly different nickname, but I'm sure MSE Towers would delete my post

meritaten

shame you don't have the eggs - but at least you don't have to explain to wiglet why he cant eat 'evidence'!
I just cannot believe that a workmate would collude with your mother this way! If someone asked me to do that - I would wonder just how sane they were!
the sooner you can get this statemented down the police station the better. and please emphasise how vulnerable this makes you feel - I should think it would be like having an invisible 'stalker'. and that is why there are LAWS against this kind of behaviour.either they or a solicitor could help you get an injuction against her.
I cant help thinking she chose her time carefully too - she must know that solicitors would be off for the long weekend. luckily the police work 24/7 though.
Please try not to let it stop you going out and about though wiggy - you and wiglet deserve some fun over the holiday break.


as others advise - be vigilant, don't let her in the flat and if she does turn up again, phone the police.