Family cut themselves out of my son's life

NewShadow

liney wrote: »

Do you really want him to be around people who exclude, bully and blackmail their own daughter?

This!

It's hard I know, I've not spoken to my gran since I was 14 - this is exactly what she did when we moved across the country.

If they'll do this now, they'll do worse or the same again later - are these really the type of people you want in your son's (or your) life?

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thank you everyone, think I need to be less emotional!

On topic, did I mention my mum left a box of presents and a very slyly worded card on Christmas day? She accessed the flat block with an old key and must have come up while we were still opening gifts. I haven't responded to the card. I still sent my sisters birthday presents, I always send gifts for them, nephew and nan on birthdays and Christmases, just so they know I still care and acknowledge them.

Because of the hard times you've fought your way through, you will 'over-react' a bit - that's quite normal. As you get stronger and have more experience of good people, that should settle down.

Sounds as if you have a nice man there. Take it slowly and see what happens - you can learn together.

You're being so strong with the way you're handling your mother. You've got her pegged now and can see the games she's playing. Well done!

harrys_nan

Sounds like our wiggy has picked herself up again :T
Good to read that your back with your boyfriend and things are getting there slowly, which really is the best way.
Don't keep us in the dark in future we want to know how your keeping

Angry_Bear

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thank you everyone, think I need to be less emotional!

Meh, nonsense!
We all have times when things get on top of us or happen all at once and we "freak out" a bit. The beauty of an anonymous internet forum is that you can get it off your chest and be a bit more vulnerable than you might allow yourself to be in real life.

You sound like you're doing great overall, so give yourself permission to flip out on occasion and don't feel bad about it .

wiggywoo9

I know it was stupid but had a bit of downer today and ended up going through old messages.


Ones from my sister months ago asking what mum had done wrong, i'm sick and twisted and see you in court. Ones from ex trying to clarify why he was taking wiglet places behind my back which led to texts stating i'm the problem, he's going through mediation (but never did, just left wiglet without trying). The ex friend I mentioned saying I'm sly and criticise her and that i'm a horrible person.


I'm seriously starting to doubt my own mental state. Am I just bipolar? A psycho? Nuts? If I'm not, why is there never anyone permanent in my life?


Maybe my friend misinterpreted how I act, I do joke a lot but I wouldn't criticise someone? Was I wrong with the ex? Should I try and get him back in wiglets life? was I wrong? I don't want my baby to be 2nd rated, or around people who don't care (his parents), or smoke, or to well, leave me. I don't want him to go away. I don't want my sister to hate me. I want them so bad. I feel like my heart is breaking as it is only ever me and wiglet and if I don't accept the ready made family I have out there, what else is there? I want to hug my nan. I don't want to be alone anymore.


I don't want to be a terrible person. I want to be good. I want people to like me and love me. I want people to be there yet there never is and I don't know if I can live my life, our life, so alone and unwanted. Maybe he is better off without me?

duchy

So you genuinely believe that allowing your crazy mother to take control of wiglet in her home - and leaving you homeless (as she tried to do) would be the best thing for him ? I'm sure you don't. !

People are horrible sometimes- they get angry and say cruel things -It doesn't mean they didn't mean or feel the nice things they have said at other times . (Not including your sister -so much -she is allowing herself to be manipulated by your Mum)

If you are the type to brood on one remark said in anger -then yes it can be hard for you and the other person to move forward and stay friends.

Othertimes friends are not forever but for a season. Your friend was good for you for a while- but then you felt she was taking advantage and using you as a babysitter but not reciprocating so maybe she wasn't a lifelong friend - but just someone you had a short friendship with but she wasn't long term material ?

Boyfriends come and go - and you want someone very special as you want someone who will be good for Wiglet too . Sometimes they take a bit of finding - but ultimately the happier you are with your life and yourself the more you will attract people who will make you happy- so focus on what makes your life good - and good people will come in time.

Sometimes though people just let you down - but that is their failing not yours. You have a lovely son who loves you very much - and a future.
Have you applied for teacher training for September ? If not- what are your plans ?

You allowed your life to be dominated by your mother- and it made you very unhappy- if you want the same for Wiglet- then sure go back to your Mum eat humble pie and let her bully you again and she can wreck both your life (again) *and* Wiglets ! She'll be back to her solicitor in no time claiming all sorts of nonsense to try and get custody.

OR Delete those old messages (why on earth are you keeping them ?) ......and accept today was a bad day and tomorrow is another day and start afresh !!

madrhino

Can I just say that change is hard. You've chosen not to have negative, destructive influences in your life and considering those influence were close to you it is a huge change. Yes you are going to have low times and times of self doubt, but you need to remind yourself that it's not going to be forever and you are doing this to make yourself and your sons life better. Try to envisage Wiglet at your age without having had all that awful stuff to deal with throughout his life. Imagine how strong and happy he will be, think of all his potential, with the foundation of a happy, secure childhood.

BrassicWoman

delete xxx

harrys_nan

Please get rid of those messages, you are worth so much more than that. You are giving wiglet a very happy and loved life, did you get that? Life chucks a lot of sh@@t at some of us, but and a Big but, wiglet loves his mum so blooming much, would you really want him to live the life you did or to live the life you give him?
You will meet some good people and some horrible ones as well, remember the princess and the frog? Get rid of all the frogs xx

triple_choc_chip

Please don't blame yourself for others not being good enough. You have set your standard and you expected the ex to step up but he couldn't. If he wants to be part of Wiglet's life and be a good Dad he needs to make the effort for himself, you can't force it.

Your sister would need to also escape from home before she could see that the enviroment is toxic, she's trapped within it but hopefully one day she will break free and you will be close again.

Your friend was taking advantage of your good nature - some people just do that but you are right not to accept it. Good friends are hard to find and harder to keep.

You say you want to hug your Nan, and I'm sure you do, I also think you need a hug and I think that you deserve a big one. Hang in there - and delete those messages! Always move forwards, never back