Family cut themselves out of my son's life

KxMx

wiggy I made the choice to cut my Dad off for a while recently (brewing a long time).

We had a disagreement and were both honest about our stance, I tried to be understanding/ make concessions and he threw it back in my face.

So I decided that was the last straw and for now have cut contact. I will send a Christmas card but that's about it.

I was very upset about it but now I feel much more good about it than bad for sure. I actually feel so good I have realised I should have done it a long long time ago.

I am trying to accept he will never be the Dad I want and you're right you can't just grow new parents. Maybe accept this instead of going through the angst of trying to solve an unsolvable problem.

You sound like you are doing wonderfully and you should be so proud of yourself. Try to focus on that instead of being unable to grow new parents!

duchy

Very few parents really are wonderful all the time.

Their children love them so won't tell you the bad bits about them anyway -and focus on the positive

Eg My Mum babysits whenever I want and loves having the kids overnight ( but they come back over tired because she keeps them up too late and stuffs them full of junk food which I never give them) as an example.

So everyone thinks....How lovely - but the Mum realises this baby sitting comes at a cost ....and possibly one she can't grumble about because it would make her feel she was been disloyal to her Mum.

No family is ideal -It's a bit like the couples who say they never ....either someone is lying or one is giving in to the other all the time

We all have wobbles from time to time- Being a single Mum can be a hard job - but you sound like you are coming on in leaps and bounds xx

Carmina-Piranha_2

Wiggywoo just to point out that you've left a name in your post.

You are doing great! I'm impressed with the way you handled that message from your sister.

pollypenny

Another one to say how well you're doing, wiggywoo.

wiggywoo9

Feel such a failure in life, my best friend has said horrible things and destroyed our friendship because she wasn't there when I was upset; losing my boyfriend cos I said I love him; my dog had a fit; I have no money; feeling stressed and tired and not worth living this life, I must be toxic to everyone cos no-one loves me or cares and my friend actually hated me with a lot of anger, she said. So rejected, why do I have to suffer all of this, I just want a good life I never meant to hurt anyone but feel so hurt, so defeated.

thorsoak

Oh sweetheart - sad that you are feeling so low - you ARE loved - your son (little wiggy-woo) loves you, and you have been doing so well. I'm sorry that you've had a row with your best friend - but we all have arguments with those with whom we are closest.

Practicalities first - is there a PDSA nearby? They look after pets of people who are are on benefits - find your nearest one PDQ.

Don't feel rejected - Little Wiggy-woo loves you and needs you - just as you need him. You ARE NOT TOXIC - you are feeling low just now - and heavens only knows, most of us feel low at this time of year with the 'orrible weather, bills after Christmas, etc etc etc. This will pass - believe me - I do know this (after all, I am 71 years old) - and you WILL feel better soon.

In the meantime - keep us posted - if there is anything practical that we can help with, you know, we will xxx

meritaten

wiggy - hunny - its one of lifes 'downs'. if your friend was a 'real' friend they would have been there for you. so no loss there. your bf panicked cos you said you loved him - 'Stupid Guy'. Dog has fits - my dog did too - controlled by pills which you can get cheaply on tinternet if needed and not a 'one off'. and after Christmas money is tight for everyone.
as thorsoak says - your little boy loves you - nobody is ever going to love you like he does. The rest of it is just 'life stuff'. YOU are a special human to him and we think a lot of you too.
you know I will help if I can.
its a low point - but we all have them.
I have fallen out with people I thought were friends - its only later you realise that they weren't really.
BUT you just have to go on. believe good things and times will come - because they will. and you will appreciate them more having gone through some VERY tough times.

harrys_nan

Nothing more to add, you are cared about very much by your family on here. Life hurts sometimes, but your little lad wants and needs you, where would he be without you?
Tomorrow is another day, things will get better.

Corelli

Hey Wiggy, sorry it's all gone pear shaped again. Maybe you need to be heard, rather than read attempts to comfort you. I hear that life has thrown you more blows and you feel very low. So if that's all you want, ignore the rest of my post.

It won't stay that way for ever. You can look back and see all your achievements despite everything life has thrown at you.You have made changes, they were not made for you. Hold strong to the knowledge that you are a strong woman and a determined caring mother and a good friend too from what you say. This will pass, truly it will. However low you are now, it is not for ever.

Hugs, C x

wiggywoo9

Thank you everyone, think I need to be less emotional!
I've just accepted that that friend was using me rather a lot and the friendship was not worth it if she doesn't even care when I am truly down. RE the boyfriend- he was startled by what I said and we've talked and worked things out. He's not quite there yet but was practically on his knees saying he cares for me so so much, etc. So just carrying on, he is new to relationship scenarios (though he is 29, me 22) and bit inexperienced. He is the first person in my life to witness me upset, at rockbottom and still want to stick by me. He is respectful, loving, kind and gentlemanly, loves books like me and gets on well with both wiglet and the dog.


The dog I've sorted, apparently fits are common! We had a lovely day out today so feeling better. I guess life goes on!


On topic, did I mention my mum left a box of presents and a very slyly worded card on Christmas day? She accessed the flat block with an old key and must have come up while we were still opening gifts. I haven't responded to the card. I still sent my sisters birthday presents, I always send gifts for them, nephew and nan on birthdays and Christmases, just so they know I still care and acknowledge them.