Family cut themselves out of my son's life

theoretica

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

we haven't even seen him in over 9months and doubt he even remembers us. its him thats losing out, cant you see that?

He is losing out not at all! Think of all the other millions of toddlers who don't know Nanageddon either - she has no more right to Wiglet than she does to any of the others.

duchy

Loosing out on what ?
A grandmother with mental issues who wants to control everyone
A great grandmother and aunties who are so scared of the grandmother that they can't even think for themselves.

Trust me Wiglet is missing out on nothing except Psychological damage !

Mojisola

theoretica wrote: »

He is losing out not at all!

The only things he's losing out on are having his mother stressed and upset and being manipulated and controlled himself as he gets old enough to be pulled into his grandmother's nasty games.

trolleyrun

Wiggy, your response was excellent! I still suspect that your sister's reply was dictated by Nanageddon, but that doesn't really matter. Your sister isn't ready to break ties - for now. Yes, it's a shame but that's the situation as it stands at the moment.

I'll tell you something from my past. I had great trouble with my father. He was a control freak as well. He did lots of things to me that I won't go into now. I escaped, just like you did. I just ran a bit further (in miles) than you. I wrote him a letter, explaining how I felt. It was a long and heartfelt letter, which any "normal" person would've realised was full of pain. I did eventually get a letter back, basically telling me it was all my fault and it ended with "have a nice life" (quote). Yes, it did hurt at the time, but it gave me some closure. I realised it wasn't my fault at all - he was the horrid "man" who had issues with himself. No matter what I'd done with my life, it wouldn't have been good enough.

I'll admit that I struggled for a long time. His behaviour affected me more than most people realise. However, I did eventually achieve some dreams and goals (I don't say all, because I've still got some to do). I'm level headed, I'm loyal and I'm kind. That's all I need.

You will get to that point too. It's painful for a while, but you will learn that life gets better. It may take a while. Be patient. Your confidence will grow, and at some point you WILL realise that you're a great lady who adores her son. You're kind, conscientious and you have a fighting spirit anyone would be proud of.

Finally, I'm so so pleased that Wigdad is on your side. I hope his relationship with both yourself and Wiglet grows. Friendship for you and a great dad/son relationship for Wiglet.

Keep going, girl. We all have faith in you. Big hugs xx

reehsetin

I wondered if this may you see your mother's behaviors in another light - http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

wiggywoo9

Ugh sorry this is bit of a let-it-out post!


I can't seem to get over this social barrier I seem to have! I have two or three new mum friends, one good friend since last year, that's about it! I see people in all different contexts, childminders, school placement, crèche, I do two meetup groups even for parents- but no friendships have arisen, just acquaintances. How do I make a better social life?! For me and wiglet!


I have even googled this, I am so fed up. I joined a facebook group for mums in my area, they do introduction things- post a picture and just a little bot about you (name, age, age of child, that kind of thing). I responded to lots of people who were looking to make new friends, we spoke online but then it just stopped. I even asked if they fancied a coffee or something but nope. When I posted my introduction, I got a few likes and nothing. What do I obviously have that's clearly so bad to be around??


I thought it might be my appearance- I'm short 5'2, not huge but with bit of weight that I try to dress well for. I'm not massive. Yeah, my hair is mostly a mess, my fringe kinks at the slightest bit of rain or wind, so it doesn't curve like other people's hair. I have curly hair and I try to make sure it stays up and tidy. It can be wispy and not sit right though. Or is it me as a person? I do laugh, smile, I'm genuinely caring and I try to help others before me as much as I can. I like to make an effort for people but don't often have that courtesy back! I don't sit quietly all day though that's what I do if I am alone- and I always take a book wherever I go. I interact, listen, ask questions. I can't find any bad qualities that would put people off.


I'd just like someone who I see, other than my ex and people I have to see!


Sorry, just a bit put off and deflated. Any tips? Sorry for this post as its just me being silly I suppose.

Angry_Bear

Without knowing you, I'd still bet that it isn't anything personal about you. Meeting new people is a huge problem for lots of people (wasn't it so much easier when we were kids?).

I have a problem similar to the one you describe - I find it easy to chat to people and "get on", but I really struggle trying to convert this to an actual friendship. I just gave my number to someone at work - the first person I've given my personal number out to, and I've worked here for over 3 years :rotfl:

Next time you're at your meetup group, why don't you suggest a "no kids coffee" and see who else would be interested. It might be a stepping stone to get to know a couple of others better.

jjj1980

Wiggy, don't apologise for posting!! I'll let you in on a secret - I've spent the weekend in tears as two of my own cousins have decided that they are going to be incredibly rude to me, including face-pulling and completely blanking me just because "we don't have anything in common". One is early 20s with a three year old daughter, the other 40 with a 17 year old daughter. The 17 year old acts tons more mature than her own mother!!

People can be small-minded at times, hurting people's feelings in the process without giving it a second thought. Or they can be intentionally cruel. I'm guessing in your situation they don't realise how they are making you feel.

Wish you lived near me, I am always open to new friends for both me and my little girl!!

missprice

Yes but making friends never happens like it does in the movies.

I have one good friend that I would ask for help from ( not that I ever ask for help but thats just me) one mate that I will go out for drinks with and my OH. And a shed load of ppl I met once and may see at same event next year and I know their name but little else.
Most ppl have few friends and lots of acquaintances, and you sound the same.


What kind of friend are you looking for?
If we know that we can suggest places to find them.

DKLS

Wiggy your doing an awesome job, but like the majority of women you overthink things , go easy on yourself, you remind me of my mum who despite toxic family members who tried to get her sectioned as she wouldn't obey them in the late 70's !

She brought me up and shaped who I am today and she is my hero, and it wasn't until my 30s that I discovered some of the family battles she endured to keep me safe.

Ps the "see you in court" threat is as empty as a discarded carrier bag and isn't worth the bottom of a budgie cage. Focus on yourself and your little man and give yourself a pat on the back for finding that inner strength that many take a lifetime to find and don't.