Family cut themselves out of my son's life

thorsoak

Good to hear from you again, Wiggy, although I'm sorry that you're feeling low just now - not surprising since it is a year since you took the big step away from your controlling parent!

Father's family might be a bit hesitant to meet you because of your mother ....you've made contact, now leave it to them - just drop them a card (and photo of Wiglet) for Christmas and see how that goes. It's a pity about Wiglet's dad - but again, you can do no more than you have - if he wants to go to court for access, then he can ....you could also go to court for maintenance....

Your friend might be a bit jealous because you are starting to make a life for yourself - but don't give up on her - not yet - just don't expect too much from her.

But hey - Wiglet must be gettng big now - how's the flat - does it feel more like home or are you planning on moving asap? How's the course - or are you working now?

And what's this about dating??? Tell us more, missy :-D !

Seriously, its good to hear that things are chuntering along xx

harrys_nan

Hi Wiggy,
Lovely to hear from you again. I'm sure things will pick up soon this is life, stuff happens, I glad your happy with your boyfriend and that wiglet is doing great. Don't worry about your friend, it could just be she may be worried about losing your friendship if you relationships goes up a notch or two.
You have the most important thing in your life and that is the love of your child, you will never be lonely with his love, don't let your ex get you down if he wants to go to the courts, then let him. You know beyond everything that you are a brilliant mother and no one can ever take that away from you but his actions are showing you he wants to be part of wiglets life which is good.
With regards to your x's family, just give them time but if at the end of the day they don't get in touch , then in my eyes it's their loss not wiglets or yours.
Have a lovely weekend and don't leave it so long before we get another update, there is a lot of people on here that think a lot of you.:)

duchy

Funny time of the year......

Adverts full of unrealistic families ......and the financial pressure of Christmas too.

Sounds to me like your friend is a bit of a user wanting you to babysit (unless she did it for you too) - and more than a bit jealous that you have a boyfriend. You don't need to make a final decision about her- keep it friendly and light and see if things improve or you just drift apart. There will be other friends - don't be so hard on yourself. Some friends are only meant to be for a while not all friendships are lifelong....and even those that are tend to ebb and flow.

I don't quite understand why Wiglet's Dad will "see you in court" if he doesn't want to see Wiglet. Is he still paying child support? If not you need to be going the CSA route.

How's studying and working going ? How's Wiglet ? Do share some of his cuteness

Lily-Rose_3

duchy wrote: »

Funny time of the year......

Adverts full of unrealistic families ......and the financial pressure of Christmas too.

Sounds to me like your friend is a bit of a user wanting you to babysit (unless she did it for you too) - and more than a bit jealous that you have a boyfriend. You don't need to make a final decision about her- keep it friendly and light and see if things improve or you just drift apart. There will be other friends - don't be so hard on yourself. Some friends are only meant to be for a while not all friendships are lifelong....and even those that are tend to ebb and flow.

I don't quite understand why Wiglet's Dad will "see you in court" if he doesn't want to see Wiglet. Is he still paying child support? If not you need to be going the CSA route.

How's studying and working going ? How's Wiglet ? Do share some of his cuteness

^^^ I second this. And the bolded bit especially. I am soooooooo over those adverts with families of 20 or more all sitting around the dinner table, all happy and jolly with a very happy mum doing everything, and waiting on everyone hand and foot. Urgh, so patronising and annoying!

A couple of the ads depict so many people getting together for Christmas, that me and my hubby reckon that someone invited the whole village around!

The actual reality is that the majority of people will be alone, or have one person with them (or just them and the kids/them and their partner and the kids.)

meritaten

wiggy - I wouldn't read too much into fathers family not responding yet. they may well be taking time and 'discussing' this development amongst themselves. and if they know what your witchmother is like they may be a bit wary??????????? they must know about her 'mindgames'.
its hard when you feel isolated and friendless - but keep making the effort. I agree that she may be a bit jealous now of you having a boyfriend.
But, when did THAT happen and how come you weren't telling all your friends on here about it! DETAILS girl! we want details!
you DO have friends wiggy - good ones on here who have been with you - in spirit and print only - but here nonetheless!

Armorica

Friendship isn't a competition It's not a crisis if she favours/has other friends. It is an issue if she is taking a lot from you and offering nothing in return. (But that something can vary!)

I've not read the thread before (and not read through) but a couple of things that I don't know if mentioned before - have you explored an 'adopt a granny ' scheme before?

wiggywoo9

Hello, feeling bit better! Honestly thought no-one bothered with this anymore so only just checked it. I have patched up with friend. Still a little wary of her getting more from me than I from her. I sit for her 3 times a month for her meditation class and one or two nights out/dates. I've only left wiglet with her once for an hour when I had an interview. But now made changes, I said I'll only sit twice a month for class as I don't get home til 11 and then got a 4:45am start and if she wants anymore, I don't mind but it must be at mine (no chasing around!). I'm also going to get her to sit more for me. Today I went to comic con with the boyfriend and such a good day I could burst! She's just not one of those to offer, and I'm too quick to. I won tickets to a local panto and just offered to share them (its 2 adults 2 children). Don't really know how to get past that, I get on so well with her but I've seen her be grudging in giving time before to friends and even her sister. I pointed this out but its a truth she doesn't want.


Anyway, feeling better. I have been seeing this guy for a few months but only just made it 'official'. He hasn't met wiglet and to be honest, I want to keep both worlds apart for a while. There's my time where I can be me, then when I'm mum. He's geeky and funny and I do really like him, but hey, we'll see.


I don't hate Christmas, I actually love this time of year. So much lined up and a cupboard full of presents! I'm not working yet but I have a busy schedule- Salsa, book clubs, two parenting groups, childcare course, nursery placement, it course, TA l3 course, school placement etc. I have just applied for teaching as well so fingers crossed I will get in to start next year.


Feeling better in our home as I've painted the lounge, but alas it is not a house and still has problems.


I think my problem right now is that you jus can't make family. You can make friends but you just cannot grow another mother or father. I can't see a way around this

Mojisola

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

But now made changes, I said I'll only sit twice a month for class as I don't get home til 11 and then got a 4:45am start and if she wants anymore, I don't mind but it must be at mine (no chasing around!). I'm also going to get her to sit more for me.

Taking control of a situation usually makes us feel better - well done for setting some boundaries. It's easy to get taken for granted if you're the one who is always available and willing to help out.

Glad to hear you've had a good day today!

harrys_nan

So glad your starting to be "in charge" with your friend, friendship has to be a two way street.
You have a lot going on in your life, I'd say a pretty full life now. Your right in a sense, you can't make a family but you and wiglet are a family. I agree it would be good if you mother, sister and nan was better with you but this way you have a lot less stress . I have 3 half sisters and 2 step brothers and 1 step sister, never see them so it's just me,my kids and their partners and my grand kids. I don't get upset anymore with family, I have the ones that count close .
Have a brilliant Christmas and new year both of you and please don't stay away so long in future.

harrys_nan

I have to say as well , your coming over as a much stronger person now, so your def doing something right, keep it up xx