Family cut themselves out of my son's life

Gigervamp

Try not to worry Wiggy, it's not uncommon for mums with small children to feel isolated.
Until my children started school, I only had a couple of friends, and one of those was a schoolfriend who didn't have children, so we only met up occasionally.

You seem like a lovely person, so I doubt it's anything you're doing or not doing. And I seriously doubt that it's due to your looks!

Just give it time. I ended up becoming friends with a girl that I met at adult education classes (pottery). It was a daytime class that had creche facilities and we were good friends for many years (we've lost touch since she emmigrated).

Other friends I made over the years were made in the playground whilst waiting to collect our children, or neighbours with children who my children played with.

Just give it time.

bellevie

I found I made a few friends when DD was at preschool, mainly her last year there when people make a lot more effort to get to know the kids going to the same school.

Since started school its all of a sudden chaotic, slow start after a few birthday parties, and 'come for tea' invites, children from her class who signed up to the same swimming class & ballet class we see quite a lot of - accidental, but lovely all the same, we help each other out when someone is late from work, cant get time off etc. We also changed the church we go to, dd was curious about one we walked past, so we went one week, very small church again met quite a few people through there - they have 'time out zone' for children so they make friends and don't get bored with the formalities, and a 'tea and coffee' hour straight after mass at this place so its easy to get chatting to others.

I definitely found it a lot easier when she started school, that's where most of my 'friends' are from.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing, just haven't got a group that you have clicked with. It will come - I remember only too well the isolation when dd was younger, just hang on in there :-)

Person_one

Is there a reason why you're only looking for friends who are mums with young children? They strike me as a group that may well have good intentions but are likely to be tired, busy, stressed and perhaps more likely to decide at the last minute to just rest on a free evening rather than make an effort for people they aren't close to (yet).

Also, while having children will mean you have certain things in common, its no guarantee you'll hit it off, loads of people of all different personality types have children!

Have you tried looking for groups of people who share your actual interests? A book group, a creative writing club, maybe some volunteering? I've met some lovely people through volunteering and quite a few of them started it with the express goal of making new friends.

It does take time, and it does mean putting yourself out there a bit, making true, close friends as an adult is never as easy as it was a kid or at school/college/uni sadly!

anmarj

For starters the people on here are your friends

wiggywoo9

Thank you
It is doubly hard as I have no family now (that's easier than going into details) so its just to have people in our lives. I'd like wiglet to have friends and me too. It feels awful when the only person who you see regularly is your ex!
I actually sent the letter today to my father's family so I'm hopeful about that (thank you to a very helpful MSEr).


I am not just looking for friends with kids. I am part of three book clubs. I do volunteer at a school (well, did, I've lost my placement now). I'm hopefully doing a lot of voluntary things this coming year as I am now without placement unfortunately. I am restricted a bit due to childcare though. I have joined plenty of things on MeetUp which I'd love to do- but again, I have childcare issues. I don't have a babysitter and in this day and age, with all the news lately, I'd be hard pressed to find one I'd trust. My ex works (hahaha oh but its still minimum CSA, figure that one out) a lot and requires a lot of pressure to even have wiglet for two hours once in a blue moon whilst I see a film. Even then I got him dropped to me outside the cinema at after 8 pm, with no food or drink and facing another 1 and 1/2 to get home.

duchy

What a pity things aren't working out with Wiglet's Dad-three hours access doesn't sound like much at all- but better than nothing I guess. Perhaps that will improve with time though. You sound quite resentful of him though -probably not the best side to show him if you want him to remain involved.Nothing wrong with him having a job !

In answer to PesonOne- When kids are toddlers and especially when babysitting has to be paid for most young mums end up with a social circle of other young mums as they have more in common and also childless friends or those with older children don't always appreciate that a babysitter on top of a night out when on low income makes even a modest night out very expensive and also outings need to be planned in advance to be able to book a sitter- Spontaneous simply doesn't happen . It's a lot easier to have friends who understand if you are late/have to cancel due to child issues or have to leave early as your little cherub is awake at 5am.

freshstart11

Wiggy I genuinely wish I liked closer so could meet up x

nicki_2

Wiggy I have no "friends" to go out with. Last time I went out socially was to go bowling with some old school friends with our kids (all similar ages) and that was in 2012!!! I have a friend who drops by occasionally but even he hasn't been around for a year due to his personal commitments :rotfl: I see my ex more than anyone else as well. The only people I usually talk to are my customers (I'm a well known cosmetics to your door rep *ding dong* ), shop/bank staff and my daughter. I rarely see my family, in fact the other day my uncle walked right past me & my daughter as he didn't recognise us only seeing us at Christmas usually. :rotfl::rotfl: I wouldn't worry about having people around just now, it'll come in time. *hugs*

wiggywoo9

Thanks again.


Duchy- they get on fine and we are like friends now. He sees him 3 hours sunday and 2/3 on wed evening depending on other things. It's just the 'doing his bit' part that irritates me as its like pulling teeth when he ought to offer. It's not like I'm out on the town every day and it is literally the only time I am childfree! I know he works, that part that it is 'undeclared' that pees me off. If he logged all his earnings now the CSA would be higher, but strangely enough he's only earning minimum apparently. It's all self-employed avoidance cash-in-hand stuff. I've seen it before. His dad does it too.

wiggywoo9

Yes back on here so it must be bad


Nothing from family. Tried with father's family and seemed to be going well but now haven't responded to my message I sent over two weeks ago, even after they'd said they wanted to meet me.


The ex has left. I found out he was taking my son places behind my back and questioned him. He got all het up and nasty and said he didn't want son, had enough and ended with 'see you in court'. This was nearly 2 months ago and upset both of us, son still asks occasionally.


My friend who I am very close to is turning a little hostile and I don't feel appreciated for the time and effort I give her. I feel that she is favouring another friend though I do more (babysitting etc) and always listen or help, and though that's fine, just feel a bit put out. She was a bit harsh on something and think she as a single parent resents me dating someone though I keep that to myself and never mention it.


I've started seeing a guy and that's going well. That's about it. I seem to get one step further and seven back. I'm paranoid people will always leave or hurt us or that I'm not worth the time and effort. Feel like I've let down son and back to where I was. In tears today, feeling very down. What is the point? I can't make new family and anyone who isn't family won't love enough to stay.


Felt ok before this friend business. I feel like she is a best friend but doesn't think I am. I can't bear to lose someone else.