Family cut themselves out of my son's life

missprice

Really this letter should have gone to your legal team. Ask them when you can, if your mothers solicitor has been told no direct contact. Get proof I.e copy.

I advise against mediation simply because it gets you in a room with your mother whom will try every dirty trick in the book to get you alone, as in mediator sent out for drink/file/mothers handbag etc. And then bully you, who needs the stress?

You don't want her near wiglet. Whilst ever that is the case make certain she has no excuse to get near him..

And BTW, she doesnt take no for an answer very well does she?

Oh and not sure but if you were thinking wiglet would have to go with you to mediation ( should you choose that option) no. In fact wiglet would be kept well out of it all. Mediation would just be you and your mother

duchy

Wiggy did your "legal lady" actually write to your Mum's solicitor - responding to their last letter ? They should have sent you a copy if they did.

wiggywoo9

Duchy- I sent the first letter along with the forms I needed to sign for Legal Aid, directly to her. I emailed her about the first letter and got no response and emailed again yesterday. Hope she responds- it may be that as it is legal aid funded they're less 'on it' than a paid lawyer.

I would leave wiglet at his funded nursery session if it came to mediation, but think it'd still be tough. I can see things getting ugly and see guilt-inducing tactics being used if I did that. But odd as may be, I don't want to drop that forever as it would always hang over me. I would like to try to have a relationship with my mum but only e for the foreseeable future, not wiglet in any way.

GobbledyGook

Wiggy you need to be careful lovely.

Why do you want a relationship with your Mum? Is it because you want a relationship with her or because you want a Mum?

Because if it's the latter you will probably never get that with her. She is not suddenly going to change who she is or what she is. Why would you want that back into your life?


Plus you need to be careful of giving mixed messages. IIRC the reason you don't want your mother near Wiglet because he wouldn't be safe with her yes? You don't think she's stable, she's a bully and she has threatened/tried to take him from you?

So any court looking at it would question why you would want a relationship with her?

Have you had any counselling? I had a brilliant counsellor who was able to help me realise the difference between wanting my MIL in my life and wanting the mother figure she had been in my life. It was a very important distinction I had to learn to make for the sake of my own mental health, and ultimately my children's safety.

It's understandable to be lonely when you are own your own with a child, but remember how lonely you were at your mum's? How isolating she was and how undermining she was? Having your Mum back in your life won't make you not lonely.

It's not odd to want it, but you have to be strong enough to not do anything about it. You made the decision to cut her off to keep you and Wiglet safe. Do not change that decision unless you can hand on heart say you can trust her not to have you back in the same position again.

Gemma x

paulineb_2

I agree, tread very carefully, you are dealing with a very manipulative person.

itsanne

Wiggy, as always you're being given very good advice. It might not seem like it, but it's still very early days. Please don't make a decision you may go on to regret.

Take care of yourself as well as Wiglet.

poet123

I haven't posted on this thread very much but although you seem on some levels not to want contact with your family, on others it is obvious that you do. Looking at that from an outsiders perspective it would appear that what you want is contact without control. So, if you accept mediation, it is your ideal opportunity to spell out your boundaries.

You hold the trump card; Wiglet. Most grandparents would, ultimately, accept any conditions to be in the lives of their grandchild. I doubt your mum is that different. Once she sees you have a full, autonomous, life and that you have the upper hand she will agree to almost anything to have that contact.

I think that your ideal is that all your family accept you as an adult, in charge of your life and Wiglet's life with them as an adjunct, not as pivotally involved. I think that eventually they will come to see that as better than nothing, only you can effect that change by being strong and clear in what you need.

trolleyrun

I'd be careful and wary too as I don't think your mother has changed in the slightest. Considering she's still using a solicitor, it shows that she still has no respect for your wishes, Wiggy, and that's the biggest indication that she won't change. You say yourself that she'd be manipulative during mediation, so therefore I'd recommend not to go for that. By not going to mediation you aren't blocking your mother for ever, you can take as long as you want/need before you have any form of contact with her. If that's a year or 10 years, or even never, then so be it. You are in control now, so you decide what's best for you and Wiglet.

Don't forget that you have your e-family here. We will help and guide you as much as you need us to. We are very proud of you!

Person_one

Like Poet, I haven't posted much on this thread.

However, I'd just like to remind you (and I'm sorry if this is harsh) that your mum has never shown a second's care or concern for you, her daughter, through any of this. She didn't want to take you on holiday, she didn't want to see you, she hasn't said she misses you or loves you and wants to be back in touch with you, its all 100% about her wanting your son and you being just an obstacle to that.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

And...

Who knows what tricks she could play if she DID get her hands on him, to get hold of him permanently.