Family cut themselves out of my son's life

missprice

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Hi,

I know it's been a while but thought I'd post quickly to update. Wiglet is doing fine, as am I. Doing well at maths and placement/TA course, been praised for both recently.

Only niggle is that I keep thinking about my family. I keep wondering when the sign will come that things are ready to try again, you know, like in films where you know when the time to act is? And all these sayings and thoughts that family is family, blood is thicker, etc., where does that come in to my situation?

Just want someone to tell me what to do when- or never?

)

So glad your doing well wiggy.
As for family and signs, do you mean like in a horror movie when you shout at the TV, don't do that, don't go in there, turn left not right you dozy beggar?
Or you mean all the lovey dovey family is everything we all have a happy ending kind of movie?

We can't advise what to do until something happens. And hoping it will be a nice something

meritaten

Wiggy - I wouldn't rock the boat right now - your mother may well be counting on the fact you miss your sister and your nan. but once you initiate contact my guess is that she will once again attempt to 'take over'.
a good saying is 'Family is as Family does'! she has treated you appallingly in the past. and she isn't going to change in a few weeks! you have been learning on here how 'real' families behave. how they love and support each other. how they would go through hell or high water for loved ones, just as YOU do for Wiglet. however, your family PUT YOU THROUGH HELL! for years!
now hang in there and don't try to contact people. she will see this as 'weakness' on your part.

there are members of my OHs family we haven't spoken to in years. They are 'toxic' people and our life is better without them. just because they are OHs closest kin doesn't mean they have to be in our lives, running it and making us miserable.

Mojisola

I think it's far too soon to think about making contact.

Wait until you feel really secure - perhaps after you've got a qualification/made some new friends/got some savings behind you - whatever feels right for you. You really want to be in a position where, if trying to make contact ends badly, you can shrug your shoulders and just carry on because you have a new life and don't need them.

harrys_nan

First, a very happy new year to you and wiglet,
I really wouldn't rush to get back into contact with family yet, you have had a peaceful few weeks, relax and enjoy it. I know it probably is hard not seeing the ppl you care for but you do not need the threats and aggro you had off your mum. Let your sister come to you in her own time. I have family that I don't have anything to do with and that is for my peace of mind

wiggywoo9

Thanks everyone, guess I'm just pining after something that may be fantasy. Its like that part of my life is in a box and sometimes I just think of it and wonder if or when it could be opened. on the flipside, I am pretty sure any contact now would be deemed as too late to my mum, that I'd snubbed them and made them lose so much time with wiglet, that a chasm of time had been opened or something and I'd be resented for that. Plus the whole missing nan's birthday and my nephew's first. It was my sisters two birthdays this week and I sent thoughtful gifts and a card for both (can't afford flowers at the moment like I'd usually do) but I hope they like the gift each. it was something they both like- a comedy dvd and a supernatural book. Feels sad sometimes, like I'm pining at a closed door.

thorsoak

You are right to feel sad, Wiggy - you are missing something that you've never had, but would like to have had. But it's not your fault - sadly your mother messed things up well and truly. However you're going to give Wiglet all that you missed out on - and maybe your sisters will grow up, realise what you have realised - and break free too. Just wait. Be patient - and in the meantime - enjoy your life x

wiggywoo9

Sorry to update so soon- had a second letter from mum's solicitor today. So no need to think about contacting her- clearly she still wants to pursue wiglet as doggedly as ever.

Basically, just refers to last letter. And 'we would be grateful to hear from you with confirmation that our client's contact can be reinstated with wiglet [states Monday day to Tuesday overnight]'. 'Our client would wish to resolve this matter with you as amicably as possible... we are instructed to formally propose a mediation service be considered along side to our involvement'. Goes on to say a referral has been made to family mediation service and they'll be in contact- have heard nothing so far. Then ends with, please see independent legal advice etc, and reply within 7 days.

Have swiftly contacted my legal advice lady as she should have received my documents for legal aid and the letter as I sent them weeks ago. Can anyone advise on what to do now? Is there any law that says I must reply, or that she will have contact?

Was a bit of a surprise today, was just starting to relax into it having faded away a bit, great news she is the same as ever!

meritaten

no wiglet - do NOT reply to your mothers solicitor!

what a bloody 'snowjob'! how can you reply with 'confirmation' that your mother's contact with Wiglet can be re-instated, when you have expressly forbidden contact! is this solicitor living in fantasy land? makes it sound like there has been contact with your mum and you have said she can see him. which is NOT the case. just pass the letter on to your legal rep and forget it!

There is absolutely no law that says you must reply to a solicitors letter! they have no more power than joe blogs to compel you to do ANYTHING! Its meant to intimidate you - and tbh its one more weapon in your arsenal that she is harassing you!

be careful - she may be getting frustrated and angry. once she realises that the solicitors letter hasn't had the desired result - then be on your guard.

harrys_nan

Wiggy, please listen to meritaten, please do not repy at all x

LannieDuck

I'm sure most will disagree with me, but personally I think mediation would be a good idea.

Ultimately it depends whether you've decided to cut your Mum et al. out of your life entirely or if you want to find a way to allow limited contact in the future. If the former, let your lawyer decline all contact/mediation. If the latter, you need to find a way to get from here to there, and mediation is a possible route.