Family cut themselves out of my son's life

SingleSue

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thanks, we had a lovely Christmas, it went very well and was a success!

Emailed legal advice about that letter and told police (who dropped off the legal documents photocopied for the case or whatever), that'll be sorted after festive season I guess.

Wiglet's dad came around today and brought two presents, which he loved. He also mentioned he was seeing someone and she knows about wiglet but won't be involved. I brushed this off easily saying that's ok, long as I know no-one's going to come up with him as not comfortable with that in my home, all fine. It's just hit me now though, through this, that wiglet will be my only child. i'm not interested in finding anyone else nor particarly want another child, don't get me wrong, but i'm only 21. it hit me quite suddenly and quite upset. wiglet won't ever have siblings, I won't ever get married or have a daughter like I hoped for when I was pregnant. THIS is my only family. it made me start thinking that, once wiglet grows up in only a few years, he'll be gone too and that'll be it. i'll be alone, with no other half or anything and no child.

sorry, getting bit emotional. I never expected anything from his dad and see so many faults with him as a person that i'd never be able to see him like that, just pees me off. but it felt like a big barrier had come down, ending that all, and thus ending my possibilities. I suppose i'm just worried that I won't have anything really once wiglet is gone. what do I do then? ha, grim thoughts for boxing day, think everything from this year just hit me hard!

Only reached this point of the thread so apologies if there is further updates to this post....

When me and ex husband split, I thought the chances of me every getting someone special in my life bearing in mind two of my children have autism, I was getting on, I had more in common with a blimp than a twig, no social life and that I had remaining issues after a breakdown, were pretty remote. My thought was who the hell would want to take that lot on!

Not only that, I had been hurt badly and I just couldn't see myself opening up to anyone, the barriers had well and truly gone up, the wall firmly cemented, the door locked...no man was going to get to the inner me and my emotions ever again.

That changed 18 months ago, I met an old friend and slowly but surely, we got close again. He accepts my boys and their disabilities (his son also has similar problems, so he understands they come first), he accepts that I have to be there for the boys and that our time together has to be snatched between appointments and school pick up, that he cannot come to my house for romantic nights in and although my barriers haven't been completely removed, there are chinks appearing and I am learning to let go once more.

So, don't give up hope....if I can find someone, then anyone can!

meritaten

Sue - a timely reminder that not all guys are a$$holes! and that luv comes along when we least expect it.

PlymouthMaid

Wiggywoo it is highly unlikely that you are going to spend your life as a spinster of the parish so don't even think that. Life takes myriad twists and turns and yours has barely started. There is absolutely no reason why you will not have a loving adult relationship in the future and entirely possible that you will have more children. All the best x

paulineb_2

Id just like to say as someone who is single, theres nothing wrong with being single for a while, you are young, like other people say, you have a lot of living to do, but if you dont meet someone for a while, get on with your life and enjoy every opportunity.

I dont think of myself as a spinster btw, even though Im in my 40s and single, not a word Id use to describe anyone really.

Dizzy_Ditzy

I've spent this afternoon reading this thread, and couldn't not post to say a very big bloody well done to you :T

You've done amazingly well, and I wish you, wiglet and wagdog all the very best for the future

PlymouthMaid

Pauline, I didn't mean any offence by the word 'spinster' by the way, was meant to be a joke if anything. Nothing wrong with being single and I was for many years before meeting current partner. I actually quite miss it. Just wanted to remind Wiggy that she is still very young and probably will not stay single unless she wants to.

wiggywoo9

Hi,

I know it's been a while but thought I'd post quickly to update. Wiglet is doing fine, as am I. Doing well at maths and placement/TA course, been praised for both recently.

Only niggle is that I keep thinking about my family. I keep wondering when the sign will come that things are ready to try again, you know, like in films where you know when the time to act is? And all these sayings and thoughts that family is family, blood is thicker, etc., where does that come in to my situation?

Just want someone to tell me what to do when- or never?

Happy new year to all as well

marmitepotato

Wiggy, I was thinking about you this morning, and up you pop on here! So glad all is well and that you, Wigglet and Wagglet are happy. Don't torture yourself over you family, you will know when the time is right, just remember that your Mum could be at the bottom of any reconciliation, and she just might start her funny stuff again.
Happy new year to you as well. Xxx

thorsoak

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Hi,

I know it's been a while but thought I'd post quickly to update. Wiglet is doing fine, as am I. Doing well at maths and placement/TA course, been praised for both recently.

Only niggle is that I keep thinking about my family. I keep wondering when the sign will come that things are ready to try again, you know, like in films where you know when the time to act is? And all these sayings and thoughts that family is family, blood is thicker, etc., where does that come in to my situation?

Just want someone to tell me what to do when- or never?

Happy new year to all as well

Well done so far, Wiggy! You are doing so well. Blood may well be thicker than water, but you have to give it time - and time is on your side. If you've heard nothing from your mother and sisters over the Christmas period, then the letter from your legal team/notices from the police have served their purpose. You and Wiglet are not alone - you have support from everyone here, from your social worker, from the police - from everyone.

Give it time, Wiggy - your sister and her baby will want to break free eventually - and then she will need your support. Once your mother realises that she is alone, she may well review the way that she has acted, and may accept - and welcome - the fact that she has one independant daughter and another daughter on the way to independance too.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming - you are doing so well!

xxx

BitterAndTwisted

Give it twelve months as an absolute minimum, and only then if your mother appears to accept that you're a competent autonomous adult and your control over little'un is absolute. To be honest, it's possible that you may never reach this position with your mother and in your shoes after what's happened I would never trust her ever again. But that's your call.

Films are films and rarely, if ever, mirror real life as it is lived by the rest of us but that doesn't mean we don't secretly hanker after things which are not meant to be. But the hankering can be dangerous if it distracts us from what's real. Your mother's abuse of you, attempt to kidnap little'un and very seriously undermine you was real. Concentrate on that before you imagine that she might have changed. Personally, I think it's very unlikely indeed and as long as you breathe she won't be trustworthy or benign.