Husband just told me he's lost his job!

paddy's_mum

Seanymph wrote: »

paddy's mum I think you are rather wonderful.

Oh, my life! Now I am embarrassed like you wouldn't believe. I'm sitting in my living room, all alone, hands to my face and looking round to see if anyone has noticed me BLUSHING but thank you.

There is a reason for my coming on here as a contributor, not just a lurker. I'm one of 35 cousins and there isn't much that can happen to folk that one or another of us hasn't experienced. Those experiences run the whole gamut from debt to adultery, infertility to drunkenness, selfishness to crime, divorce to tragic death. I've even had direct experience of murder when the daughter of a very dear friend became a headline murder victim whose name, even today, keeps cropping up in the media.

My view is that most of us have made mistakes (some of us more than once, to my shame) or had unhappiness brought to our door. Many of us have inflicted or endured cruelty in some form or another. What better way to make sense of some of this misery than to try to help others when they are struggling with whatever dilemma has come at them? Let no pain or disastrous experience be wasted if it can be turned around and used to guide someone who is currently struggling.

Although mse members didn't know it, there have been many times, when I was struggling, that I 'heard' and took consolation from what members were saying and their oftentimes kind responses. Even when members disagreed with me, I still valued the variety of opinion because, sometimes, it is the unacceptable directions that others urge that shows you there is only one way for you to go, IYKWIM.

So, may I suggest that all of us who have benefited, each in our own fashion, from this great site raise a glass or a cheer and thank heaven for being human! :T

(Okay - here endeth the first lesson :A)

whitewing

I'd be mad too. But there was also an adult daughter (and her boyfriend maybe) in the house, which may have affected ability to communicate in general. (Not that that lets him off the hook).

My MIL lived with us for a while. It was very difficult (especially as most of what I wanted to discuss was when she'd be leaving and I resented having to go out of the house for those discussions).

ETA: there's a raised glass to paddy'smum here too...

caeler

I didn't want to read and run, I really feel for you. 5 months of lies and you have to pick up the pieces as and when he lets you. You mentioned concerns about his state of mental health and I think you are right to be concerned. Now this is just my opinion but it isn't normal to quit your job and keep it a secret as well as continuing normal spending. He must have realised the truth would out at some stage and when it did you would intervene. Maybe he's going through a mini crisis and needs some counselling? Of course none of this means you can't be angry, I'd be livid.

Well done for being so strong and keeping everything together.

jjj1980

OP, don't want to hijack your threads so please feel free to read through my older posts. Suffice to say I have been in practically your exact position.

I found out not long after getting married, by not long I refer to a matter of days, that my then-new-husband had been lying to me for a number of months, causing a lot of debts in the process. I agreed to and make a go of it on the understanding that he told me everything and kept no further secrets. He didn't keep his promise and a few months later, things came crashing down again.

I heard all the anger from him that I was prying, being too controlling, obviously hadn't meant my wedding vows as if I had, I would just trust whatever he said. We split up after only being married 8 months and whilst it was him that walked out, I had known deep down for a long time that I couldn't trust a word he said.

All the anger being directed at you stems from his guilt and I agree with the other posters there will be more comes to light that he is currently trying to hide.

Sending you big hugs open as I can clearly remember the horrible, sickly feeling I felt for months, just waiting for the next "issue" to come to light.

Addiscomber

Hopefully the fact that the OP hasn't noticed ever increasing monthly credit card repayments going out of a joint current account means that the cards are solely in her husbands name and the repayments are taken from an account in his sole name and will be his responsibility if she does decide to call a halt to the marriage.

Like others have suggested the OP needs to be digging around to see what effect this has had on her own financial position. I believe that it should not be possible to take out a loan against the marital home without the spouse's signature, but of course that does not preclude forgery.

I'm struggling to know what I would feel in the OP's position. I'm so grateful that is me that deals with all the finances. I'm sure that I have a better idea of what he gets paid that he does.

dandelionclock30

This is one of the reasons why you are better off living by yourself and just seeing someone. Then you dont get really shafted like OP.
I think her husband needs to tell her the truth if hes able to do so. Unfortunatley some people are habitual liars. There is a lot going on for him to get in that mess Im afraid.

Tiddlywinks

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

This is one of the reasons why you are better off living by yourself and just seeing someone. Then you dont get really shafted like OP.
I think her husband needs to tell her the truth if hes able to do so. Unfortunatley some people are habitual liars. There is a lot going on for him to get in that mess Im afraid.

What?

You'd suggest everyone lives a single life just in case their partner might turn out to be a liar?

I'd rather take a measured risk in life than spend it alone and thinking the worst of everyone.

dandelionclock30

Im not saying a single life, you can have a partner and not live with them you know. I think theres quite a good chance a persons partner might turn out to be a liar from what I've seen and experienced.
I'd rather have my house over my head without any worry.Not daft fellas taking the hit and miss.

thorsoak

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

This is one of the reasons why you are better off living by yourself and just seeing someone. Then you dont get really shafted like OP.
I think her husband needs to tell her the truth if hes able to do so. Unfortunatley some people are habitual liars. There is a lot going on for him to get in that mess Im afraid.

What a sad outlook on life! I'm sorry that you should think so little of others, Dandelion Clock that you have decided to restrict your life and choices.

Tiddlywinks

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Im not saying a single life, you can have a partner and not live with them you know. I think theres quite a good chance a persons partner might turn out to be a liar from what I've seen and experienced.
I'd rather have my house over my head without any worry.Not daft fellas taking the hit and miss.

I knew exactly what you meant the first time you said it... and, as I said, I'd rather take the risk of trusting someone and being disappointed than never giving it a go.

I feel sorry for you if you feel you have to live like that rather than dare to share.