Husband just told me he's lost his job!

tinkerbell28

Seanymph wrote: »

I don't believe him.

His money has been going somewhere else - he has run up credit debts, and his priority over the six months was not having an up to date cv but getting a new phone and contract you didn't know about.

He's lying about more than losing his job.

I agree.

He has been trawling the streets for work for 6 months, and didn't even have an upto date cv?

Took out a phone contract.

He's been going elsewhere for 6 months....where? Walking the streets I think not.

Seanymph

thanks tinkerbell! I didn't want to put it, but was shouting at the computer, so I had to.

I have no idea what his or her name is - but someone else is involved in this I'd put money on it. He's spending his daytimes somewhere believe me.

tinkerbell28

Seanymph wrote: »

thanks tinkerbell! I didn't want to put it, but was shouting at the computer, so I had to.

I have no idea what his or her name is - but someone else is involved in this I'd put money on it. He's spending his daytimes somewhere believe me.

I wouldn't necessarily jump to affair, although it's a possibility.

The other person in things like this can be addictions, like booze.

I wouldn't rule out things like gambling, so down the bookies.

Or an affair/prostitutes.

It would be interesting to see where he's been over the school holidays, not looking for work. All day long, where's he gone?!?

Tiddlywinks

You need to look at the credit card statements to see exactly how the money was spent.

Could he have developed a gambling addiction for instance?

The fact that the credit cards are now 'maxed out' means that the monthly payments will have shot up which won't help your budget.

You need more facts about why he resigned (or was he sacked?), where he really spent his days (it can't have been job hunting without an up to date CV) and where the money has been spent.

Then make plans based on what he has been up to.

paulineb_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily jump to affair, although it's a possibility.

The other person in things like this can be addictions, like booze.

I wouldn't rule out things like gambling, so down the bookies.

Or an affair/prostitutes.

It would be interesting to see where he's been over the school holidays, not looking for work. All day long, where's he gone?!?

I wouldnt either. Speculation doesnt really help, but if the OP wants to challenge him and confront him re where hes been thats up to her

I assume hes come clean because the credit cards are maxed out?

Seanymph

fair enough - but there is something else, this isn't just 'I lost my job and didn't tell you'.

The phone says something else is on his agenda.

tinkerbell28

paulineb wrote: »

I wouldnt either. Speculation doesnt really help, but if the OP wants to challenge him and confront him re where hes been thats up to her

I assume hes come clean because the credit cards are maxed out?

I think she needs to know if it's going to work. Him hiding and not being open and honest about the money, the job, what happened, where it's gone, how much debt, etc.

They can't move on. Op will need to work to protect herself.

paddy's_mum

Missing Lincs - I'm not usually one of those responders whose first response to a marital problem is to start yelling "leave him" or "get rid" or "divorce".

However, in the circumstances I really think you would be well advised to kick him out. Could he go to stay with his Mum, a friend, a sibling even if it was only for a couple of weeks to give you time to get your head around all this - does he even begin to grasp the ramifications of what he's done?

What's for sure is that he is acting as though he's got a screw loose and he needs to be pulled up, fast and painfully, from the cloud cuckoo land he's currently living in.

You may not be frightened of him smacking you one but YOU ARE IN GRAVE DANGER!!! You must take steps to find out everything before he drowns you in trouble. Please, please see a solicitor.

Tigsteroonie

Was the new contract phone a new contract for his existing number or a new number?

That might hold a clue to what his intentions were/are.

Missing_Lincs

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

I'm reminded on this thread of the 5 stages of shock/grief:

(1) Denial/isolation - the last few months
(2) Anger - what he's going through now, trying to turn it back onto you now that you've found out and are trying to sort it
(3) Bargaining
(4) Depression
(5) Acceptance

I hope he moves onto the 'bargaining' stage soon where he realises that he has too much to lose if he doesn't start working with you on this.

Thank you for this... I do hope he gets through stage 2 soon.

You are all giving me very good advice... and I'm taking notes to help me on my tough journey, whether it's a journey I walk alone, we'll have to wait and see! If he would answer my question without clamming up and being angry, it would help!