Husband just told me he's lost his job!

Dimey

I'm afraid OP's OH's story just doesn't sound right.

Who walks the streets to look for work nowadays??? If he did then why isn't his CV up to date?

What is so difficult about coming home and saying you've walked out of your job?

Why would anyone who's been in a job for 7 years be so sensitive to walk out after his new boss had just picked him up over a few things.

Why didn't he apply for JSA after 13 weeks (or whatever the sanction is).

Why did he not do all the cooking, housework and chores to pay back the family for the fact they were working and he wasn't.

Why does he think you - his wife and confidant - has no right to ask questions and know every intimate detail. How does he expect you both to pull together to save your world from collapse if you don't know everything.

Why is he resentful towards OP and why is he not cringing with embarrassment and tearfully apologising for his deceit.

Its because your OH is resisting openness and honesty that you have to protect yourself because you can no longer trust him.

The idea of taking over his financial affairs and not allowing him credit cards (if you know exactly how many he has) seems the only safe option, if he'll participate.

Could he have taken a loan against the house?
OP, you probably need to see a solicitor to get your 75% staked down, irrespective of where your marriage is going.

Lets hope OH will get a temp or seasonal job next week while he now seriously applies for a permanent job using real job-seeking routes. And that he now does all the housework & cooking while he's not working and helps DD move in.

Spendless

nimbo wrote: »

I think the sanction may have been for 13 or 26 weeks - which he has probably 'served' now... sorry not really up on benefits - but check over on the benefits board...

HOWEVER he won't have been paying NI for these months so may not get contributions based now....

JSA contribution based is based on you making contributions in certain years. The qualifying years currently taken into account aren't likely to be from May 2013 onwards at the moment. My understanding however is that a sanction would be applied once the application for JSA was made rather than when they first weren't at worked.

trollopscarletwoman

[QUOTE=Missing_Lincs;63580787but_I_have_more_equity_in_our_house_than_he_has_(75%/25%)_that_I_need_to_protect,_[/QUOTE]

Hello.

I'd like to know how this equity arrangement is fixed in law.

I don't know what type of mortgage you have but hypothetically if me and my partner seperated any money split after the childrens age of majority would be split 50/50 upon sale, irrespective of who in the partnership has paid in the most.

Torry_Quine

I can't understand why someone wouldn't share this information unless there is an underlying problem.

The first thing my husband does when something happens no matter how bad is tell me and I would be very angry if he didn't.

I think you need to take charge of all the family finances before he gets into ever more trouble.

Janepig

Missing_Lincs wrote: »

I agree with us having to work as a team, if he accepts my help rather than getting angry/frustrated at me for asking questions. A 'heart to heart' is only possible if he tells me the truth. Surely now it's out in the open he should be able to talk, but I'm not sure.

Bit late to be working as a team now I would have thought. When he walked out of a job and racked up who knows how much debt, and when he's been wasting the last however many months since he ditched his job, he wasn't prepared to work as a team and discuss things with you, his wife, but it's okay to work as a team now to pick up the pieces of the mess he's created. You're a better woman than me, that's all I'll say.

The only bit of actual advice of any use I've got is that you should still be able to get all the freeview channels if you unsubscribe from Sky - we did the same for a few years a while back and we still got loads of channels though the Sky box.

Jx

tinkerbell28

It's not right, the fact he's getting angry/frustrated and refusing to answer questions would suggest something to hide.

Sure he maybe down and worried, but he's 'fessed up now, the fact he's not upset or wanting to deal with it openly says a lot IMHO.

I'd be interested if I were the op in checking the statement and seeing where money was going and when, especially when he was out of the house. Get the timeline sorted.

I guess the possibility I'd be thinking is, secured loan against the house? Gambling? Did he get into trouble with work? Gross misconduct for any reason?

Then at a real outside....escorts/affair or something.

paddy's_mum

Dimey wrote: »

Its because your OH is resisting openness and honesty that you have to protect yourself because you can no longer trust him.

I am 100% in agreement with this comment. OP - take immediate steps to save yourself above anything else. Your husband has just proved beyond any doubt whatever that you can't trust him to put the welfare of you, or your family, first, therefore you must do so.

Does your employer (a county council perhaps?) have a welfare or human resources officer that you can lean on a little for some advice and support during this immediate aftermath?

I'm sorry to have to say it but I suspect that what you already know about the financial difficulties may be only the tip of the iceberg. I cannot begin to comprehend why he is resenting your questions unless there is a great deal more that he is desperate to keep hidden.

I have said it before on this forum but it always bears repeating. Without trust as the bedrock, no relationship can survive or prosper. His actions must have rocked your faith in him. Don't now let him drag you down with him. See a solicitor pronto - you really can't afford not to because your husband will happily drown you. Instead of getting annoyed at your right to know what the heck is going on, he ought instead to be thanking his lucky stars that he still has his head attached to his shoulders! "Too many questions"? What planet is this man living on?

I wish you well and I'm sorry for your trouble.

Kynthia

If I were you I would get a copy of his credit records from all three credit agencies. Get the £2 statutory reports rather than sign up for regular reports and end up paying a fortune each month. I think Noddle is free too. That way you can see all the credit and loans in his name in case he isn't being honest with you. It's probably worth checking your own too in case he's been REALLY dishonest and done anything in your name.

Missing_Lincs

Oh my goodness... thank you for all the replies! So kind!

What an afternoon I've had so far! We've just been to town to cancel a new phone contract that I found out about today that he took out just LAST THURSDAY! Luckily it was within the 'however many days' limit to be able to return it but boy did we row when we got back to the car!

He accused me of controlling his life and he said he can think and do what he wants! He's calmed down again now, until the next time. Just to add... I'm not in any physical danger.

There have been so many comments and advice while I've been away that I need to re-read them all and answer where I can.

My 5 cats will now be on 'half a tin' rations morning and night but they do have a continuous supply of dried food. Poor things... it's not their fault. Shame my daughter can't take her favourite ones with her but her boyfriend has asthma so it has already been discussed that she can't have any... maybe she can buy a few tins of cat food a month. I'm going to talk to her about this big mess when I see her.

Thanks for the support!

FatVonD

If things were so bad at work has he looked into claiming for constructive dismissal?