Is he being kind or deceitful?

gardenmaker

I know someone who supports an ex-girlfriend after they were involved in a car accident together many years ago.

Perhaps there is a private link with her illness like that?

You need to figure out whether you can live with your partner and his long-distance friendship with Alice, or whether you'd be better off starting again.

If it does still bother you, why not ask him to set some ground rules, such as not seeing her (if circumstances altered). This might help you to feel more secure about your future? Best wishes for the future, whatever you decide.

System

Apologies for treating the thread as a joke. Unfortunately the sexual side of it bought the humour in me.

However, I still say communication and honesty is the key that keeps a relationship going. Without it, all is lost.

This man is not communicating or being honest to either women. He is just dangling the pair of them on a string.

Sad really but I still think you will be having the same issues when Christmas comes and goes (and he will probably be more secretive than he is now). I hope i'm wrong.

scarlet55

I've just read the entire thread and for what it's worth here is my take on it.

I don't think for one minute that 'Alice' has any hold over him, in fact I think the opposite. She moved 200 miles to get away from him but he still insists on contact..he keeps saying he wants to see her but she keeps making excuses not to....I think it's him who has a hold on her and she's scared of him..he's pulling all the strings as far as I can see, not Alice..not sure where the money comes into it, I'll have to think about that one.

poet123

Didn't the OP say Alice phones her OH ( whilst she is there) though not the other way round?

victory

poet123 wrote: »

Didn't the OP say Alice phones her OH ( whilst she is there) though not the other way round?

Yes, for ages at a time ...

paddy's_mum

Scarlet 55 makes a VERY interesting point. Maybe it is the bloke not letting go and willing to pay quite a bit of money to keep the lines open!

OP - you said that you loved him, albeit with completely understandable reservations.

Here's a big question - does he love you?

scarlet55

poet123 wrote: »

Didn't the OP say Alice phones her OH ( whilst she is there) though not the other way round?

That could just prove that she's 'ordered' to, the OP also said that sometimes he ignores the phone, that doesn't sound to me like he's overly concerned about Alice.

poet123

Yes, it could be that way, who knows.

lostinrates

poet123 wrote: »

who knows.

The thing is dynamics are funny things. Even in very straightforward relationships. I actually thing some frank discussion about where land lies emotionally( and sexually) is no bad thing for relationships with dynamics. But as Pauline said early on, it doesn't matter what 'other dimensions' ' are involved relationships, we're all people with the same flaws and strengths and frailties. I don't think any of us ever 100% know any situation in and out. There are always other views, experiences of the people involved, or interpretations of events. My point is even the chap himself might not 100% know what he wants, what's happening....why he's evading and why his nature is to dither.

paulineb_2

I actually think the OPs bf sees the OP as a casual relationship but is making all the right noises about progressing things, but really doesnt want to.

The Alice thing is just too weird, who wants an elephant in the room like that, its like hes very emotionally involved with someone else, it cant work.

OP, there may be sides of him that are very nice indeed, but unless he stops lying and grows a pair, stay with him and in a years time you'll be updating the thread to say nothing has changed.

Well, apart from Alice being a few grand richer.