Is he being kind or deceitful?

FBaby

He called me. Theres nothing odd or one sided about contact. We call each other, Skype each other, text each other. Visit each others homes, quite normal in that. I go to his more as I get more free time

But you said that you had broken up and he was sulking...

I guess it all boils down to if I think he is a kind ditherer or a manipulative liar.

Or I would add someone who is very weak. I personally wouldn't want a partner for life when at some point of time I might need to depend on who was so weak that he could still be controlled by an old girlfriend as he still is. I wonder what would happen if one day, she asked him to come over and stay with her for a month because she was so distressed she could kill herself if he didn't. Do you trust that he wouldn't jump in his car and go...out of the kindness of his heart?...

globetraveller

not much point in continuing to reply- she has gone. Probably fed up with it now

scarlet55

Emoticon wrote: »

If he found out for certain that she was deceiving or manipulating him by having another (secret) partner he could end the whole debacle with no guilt. He would know she was not as lonely and pathetic as she makes out.
His having a secret (me!) shows he's got double standards, anyway!

Ah right, so you admit that she's his (secret) partner then? and yet you stayed with him for 3 years?

This story just gets more laughable, it's either a brilliant wind up or he's just manipulating you both.

You came here for advice but each time someone says anything about this man (and I use the term loosely) you have an excuse for everything he does..

System

I personally wouldn't want a partner for life when at some point of time I might need to depend on who was so weak that he could still be controlled by an old girlfriend as he still is. I wonder what would happen if one day, she asked him to come over and stay with her for a month because she was so distressed she could kill herself if he didn't. Do you trust that he wouldn't jump in his car and go...out of the kindness of his heart?...

This post makes a lot of sense. Take sex out of the equation what are you left with? A friendship at most.

lostinrates

globetraveller wrote: »

not much point in continuing to reply- she has gone. Probably fed up with it now

Possibly, but said she's a member under another name. I think she's wise to think and not reply for a while, but if I were a member here, or even not, I'd probably keep reading while thinking.

hazyjo

Now is far enough away from Christmas to tell her about you. The nearer to Christmas it gets, the harder it'll be. He'll be saying he can't do that to her over that time, then it'll be New Year and he couldn't possibly put her through that over New Year, how he's not that cruel and surely you'd not want him to be, then I bet her birthday will be January, then it'll be something else, some tragedy or other meaning he can't tell her...

Honestly, you'll look back in Feb/March and think !!!!!! he said this would be sorted five months ago and we're no further down the line.

Now or never, I say. No reason why it can't be now. Once we're in Nov, he'll stall cos of Christmas.

Jx

Emoticon

Well, I have been away a few days to give me space to think and him time to act.

I am clearer now. When I got back I called him and he, of course, has been busy and feels ill and so nothing has changed there. It was a very short conversation!

I had been enjoying the relationship on a day to day, date to date, basis without looking more deeply at his character, his past, his relationship history (or what he told me about it).

I had been focusing on how he made me feel and yes, I admit it, giving too much emphasis on our compatibility in our "private lives".

Regardless of his odd "friendship" with Alice, and the unusual circumstances around our meeting, I can now see him in a different light.

In his kindness and deceit, for he is deceiving her by trying to be kind, I still believe that, he is not putting me first and not caring sufficiently for my feelings and wellbeing.

I cannot contemplate a future with someone I cannot rely on and who hasn't got the strength to be my support, should I ever need it .

So we both know. Its over.

Off to lick my wounds.

lostinrates

Best wishes for your future emoticon.

Hopefully, by being more aware now what you are looking for in a relationship you will be more able to look for someone who is emotionally able to commit to you at a stage where you are both unhindered by other ties, whatever they be. I wish you happiness.

System

I cannot contemplate a future with someone I cannot rely on and who hasn't got the strength to be my support, should I ever need it .

Makes a great deal of sense.:T

poet123

Regardless of how "right" it is that you have ended it, I am sure it still hurts. So, take the time to let yourself feel that and come through it. Good luck, I am sure there is someone out there who can be all the things you need. I hope you find him.