Is he being kind or deceitful?

Errata

poet123 wrote: »

Do you think it may be an attempt at getting an MSE thread to go viral like the Penis Beaker one on Mumsnet?;)

No idea, so far MSE hasn't been an outlet for women's sexual fantasies and .... erm... habits, like that place. But Mystic Meg I ain't .:D

Emoticon

paulineb wrote: »

You said you met on a special interests website, I would imagine its much the same thing. And my point is, hes hardly hiding the fact hes into BDSM if he meets people who are also into it, hence why I find it hard to believe hes being blackmailed. You dont go looking for other people who share the same interests if you really dont want anyone else to know what you are doing.

He is treating you badly. You just dont seem to want to acknowledge that

As other people have said, there will be people on this site who know what BDSM is and not just by reading a ridiculous tacky mainstream book.

Im not part of any BDSM scene but I know people who are, comments about a chastity belt and whether someone is submissive or not are hardly going to send me into a tailspin.

I'm sorry if you thought I was referring to what you had said in that particular post of mine. I just picked up on a few points posters had made, in an attempt to be clear.

I realise there are kinksters across all walks of life of course. As you say, not you but SOME posters seem to believe its not real and some might be offended by mention of it.

Outwardly, down the pub or walking in the park no-one knows or needs to know anything about other peoples fun and games. The dynamics of it though do influence emotional relationships to certain degrees.

I acknowledge he hasnt handled this well and it has caused me upset and doubts about a long term relationship. As I said, I am not seeing him now. I do value the last 3 years and just wondered if ANYONE reading could believe NICE rather than the DECEITFUL.
Apparently not:(

lostinrates

Errata wrote: »

No idea, so far MSE hasn't been an outlet for women's sexual fantasies and .... erm... habits, like that place. But Mystic Meg I ain't .:D

Its not really an appropriate venue IMO for in depth questioning as to the root of the problem, Mse. That's why I suggest op try one where any crossover with the kink aspect can be more openly discussed.

I have no idea about mumsnet. I read the penis beaker thing, which was very funny for the first few pages, but by the end of where I was reading was ...well,....a little boring,

aileth

Emoticon wrote: »

The type of BDSM we enjoy requires high levels of trust - what I know about him I could ruin his career

Do tell

Alikay

Sounds as though he's indulging his need to be submissive with Alice too, albeit in a different way to how he does with you, Emoticon.

He may not be physically dominated by her, but he certainly seems to be getting off on the emotional and financial abuse she's meting out! She holds all the cards by not allowing him to share his news, though she offloads her woes on him, she rings him and he has to give her his time and attention (if he had any control, he'd be saying "I'm busy/with someone - I'll call you back"). He doesn't advance his relationship with you because of his "loyalty" to her, plus he sends her large amounts of cash when he has no legal or moral obligation to do so! Heck, she won't even see him!

Sorry, Emoticon: He's getting something from Alice that he doesn't get/want from you, and I'd consider that cheating :cool:.

chelseablue

Errata wrote: »

This thread is almost as funny as the dog and the bag for life one.

I missed that one, is there a link?

duchy

Even nice guys do things that aren't so nice at times.
I do think his "specialist interests" may mean he has over the years become accustomed to putting his life into compartments without crossover and maybe moving you from "specialist interest" catagory to girlfriend who is introduced to family catagory might be a difficult one.

I don't think Alice needs to be directly told about you but I do believe if he's serious about a future with you he needs to be open with you (even if not Alice) about their conversations-not running off to another room..... let you hear what is said ......and to introduce you to family.

In your situation those would be the two things he would need to do to continue with the relationship. If he refuses then he is hiding something bigger and its time to kick him into touch (erm not literally obviously it might give the wrong message )

FBaby

He told me about Alice and the money as soon as we started becoming more than BDSM partners.

The type of BDSM we enjoy requires high levels of trust

..but it didn't bother you then because you trusted him because that's part of BDSM...but then you lock him with a key so he can't use his willy with anyone else....doesn't sound very trusting to me

If it was ok then, why isn't so any longer? Nothing has changed, he said that he gave her money because she was vulnerable and it sounds like that what he is still saying, so why is it bothering you now if you trust that this is part of the BDSM and you don't have to worry about his trust?

Sorry but that all BDSM sounds like a lot of hot air to me, a way of making many excuses for behaviour that isn't really acceptable in 'normal' relationships.

hazyjo

lostinrates wrote: »

Um.....

Me and DH. DH and his family, me and my friends....

Skype is free, international or any phone bills are not.

No biggie, was probably thinking more in the way of messenger where you type. Presume skype is more face to face so suppose that wouldn't really apply...

Jx

Errata

chelseablue wrote: »

I missed that one, is there a link?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2636903