Is he being kind or deceitful?

Tropez

Toto wrote: »

Who knew when I woke up this morning I'd spend my lunch hour googling images of male chastity belts and wondering how they a) stay on b) wee and c) not rattle like the ghost of Jacob marley whilst wandering round Sainsbury's.

It's the morning glory and the ever present possibility you may end up in the emergency unit for an unrelated problem and have your bizarre pass time exposed to all that pops into my mind when I think about them.

Though I do believe that some domme/sub relationships enjoy the potential for the embarrassment of the sub in being caught out in some manner wearing a cage.

Emoticon

FBaby wrote: »

..but it didn't bother you then because you trusted him because that's part of BDSM...but then you lock him with a key so he can't use his willy with anyone else....doesn't sound very trusting to me

If it was ok then, why isn't so any longer? Nothing has changed, he said that he gave her money because she was vulnerable and it sounds like that what he is still saying, so why is it bothering you now if you trust that this is part of the BDSM and you don't have to worry about his trust?

Sorry but that all BDSM sounds like a lot of hot air to me, a way of making many excuses for behaviour that isn't really acceptable in 'normal' relationships.

I appreciate your views. Thankyou

It isnt OK any longer because if we were to live together I would require him not to keep me secret from Alice because I would feel uncomfortable by being complicit in his deceit of her and because of the calls being taken whilst I sit silently, NOT acceptable.

I'm wary of elaborating on the lock and key issue, but...in its used more to play a game called "tease and denial" and being a sort of symbol of possession " think - alternative wedding ring"

Oh God....I really must get around to writing the companion book to 50 shades (thats me making a joke by the way)
:rotfl:

lostinrates

duchy wrote: »

I don't think BDSM has anything to do with the issue to be honest ......It has more to do with a relationship that started as a physical one that is evolving into something possibly more - The OP mentioned she was married when it started but isn't now so she has disentangled herself from a previous partner but her partner doesn't appear to have got to that point yet and is for some reason holding onto Alice -until he's ready to let her go emotionally he's not ready to move on with a committed relationship.

Not sure I agree, op has said that the 'roles' don't stay in the bedroom even if its not a 24/7 lifestyle and leaving a chastity belt on whenever they aren't together means that its not just in their ti e together but about control out of the bedroom too.

I certainly think the kink complicates a situation tha would have been messy were no kink involved.

DigForVictory

I've always been intrigued by what the madwoman in the attic thought. In this case, your attic occupant is pulling a steady lump of cash each month, let alone giving you mental grief.

If we're more or less prepared to rule out a wife, or a child, then would a relative with some kind of mental illness fit?

His family Don't Know about you? After 3 years? I'd call that deceitful, but the family might possibly blame you.

The hiding phone calls bit is really uncomfortable - I can't see any kind reason to do that.

If you demand Alice on speakerphone & she has that nervous breakdown, who knows who *you* are to blame? The phone records will point to him.

You're keeping a distance, but bend your principles to find which bank account is paying the Alice account. Then call HMRC, cheerfully admit to vengeance & hand on the bank details.

Think of it as a remakably damage free settlement in full for three years of fun, and walk away. What you do with various keys is your prerogative.

ciderwithrosie_2

Tropez wrote: »

That's not really the purpose of the chastity cage. It's general use is to exchange power to the dominant partner by controlling when and if the submissive receives any form of release; it's not used just to prevent cheating but to even prevent masturbation and depending on the device used sexual thoughts in general as pain is administered through the device should the submissive become aroused. It can also be used to purposely administer pain and discomfort by engaging in arousing behaviour without allowing release from the cage.

It just all sounds like far too much effort to me :rotfl:

Emoticon

Tropez wrote: »

It's the morning glory and the ever present possibility you may end up in the emergency unit for an unrelated problem and have your bizarre pass time exposed to all that pops into my mind when I think about them.

Though I do believe that some domme/sub relationships enjoy the potential for the embarrassment of the sub in being caught out in some manner wearing a cage.

Dont forget Chaps, the heightened enjoyment of being unlocked for "special occassions" after a few hours/days/weeks/months
:beer:

chelseablue

Toto wrote: »

Who knew when I woke up this morning I'd spend my lunch hour googling images of male chastity belts and wondering how they a) stay on b) wee and c) not rattle like the ghost of Jacob marley whilst wandering round Sainsbury's.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

System

I also know all about every aspect of Professional Domination. Though I am not professional its just an element of my sexuality rather than a job, lol!

I wouldn't mind learning a bit about this to be honest, ive got a man I wouldn't mind knocking into shape

TeamLowe

As far as I understand it, the use of a chasitity belt has no real significance vis a vis commitment in the BDSM world, if your sub is committed to you as their Dom then the equivalent to marriage is a 'collaring' ceremony, where the sub is presented with a collar to wear. In fact I've seen it discussed on other parts of the internet couples have that as part of a private ceremony with those in the know after their public wedding.

I'm not saying the OP is wrong and if the chastity belt is her 'wedding ring' equivalent then it is. but it seems like the Scene isn't something she's very familiar with which makes me wonder if this is her first BDSM relationship and if that's the issue - this man's convinced her she has all the power when in actual fact, there's very little of the 'power' she wants as it's Alice who has the emotional and financial commitment.

After all, there's much more appropriate boards to discuss the complexities of a loving D/s relationship and it seems almost like the OP wants to show off about this kink rather than a matter of fact 'this is who we are' as it doesn't bear much weight on the Alice issue unless she's another Dom

I'd be interested to know if the OP has sat down and discussed the status of their relationship seperate from the D/s aspect. I have a sinking feeling that's confusing her perception of a friends with benefits deal

Tropez

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

It just all sounds like far too much effort to me :rotfl:

It does sound like a lot of effort, but it's cheaper and slightly more legal than some sort of remote controlled and thought activated electric shock collar, though I do know you can get devices to issue a quick shock down there.