Problem at work, need some quick advice....

Poppie68

Is this really an issue of being inappropiately 'touched' or being inappropiately touched by someone that is not good enough to touch you?
You come across as passive/aggressive and full of self importance, maybe you come across as rude and ignorant to your colleague and he is imtimidated and trying too hard to be friendly and does'nt realise patting you on the back is a bone of contention for you.
Does he do it to anyone else? i would have a friendly word with him about it without letting him know you think he is beneath you and that you're better than he is.

ILW

Poppie68 wrote: »

Is this really an issue of being inappropiately 'touched' or being inappropiately touched by someone that is not good enough to touch you?
You come across as passive/aggressive and full of self importance, maybe you come across as rude and ignorant to your colleague and he is imtimidated and trying too hard to be friendly and does'nt realise patting you on the back is a bone of contention for you.
Does he do it to anyone else? i would have a friendly word with him about it without letting him know you think he is beneath you and that your are better than he is.

I doubt OP is capable of doing that when dealing with lesser life forms.

May all be a wind up though.

jc808

Strider590 wrote: »

If the company MD pats me on the back, I take that respectfully because the guy built a multi million £ business from the ground up. But when someone with no skills, no qualifications, no experience and a below average intelligence does this, I take it as a show of aggression, assumed dominance and quite possibly as an insult.

Someones been watching too much Apprentice/ Dragons Den

ILW

I think there re two possibilities regarding Strider.

He is either a WUM of there is a touch of Aspergers or similar autistic spectrum issues somewhere. He seems truly incapable of any real life social interaction and does not realise the impression he gives out to others.

ValHaller

Poppie68 wrote: »

His self-importance is astounding and everyone on this thread encouraging him to be somewhat aggressive with the way he deals with 'lower lifeform' are doing him no favours.

I cannot see that everyone is encouraging him to be aggressive. If you think I am, I would be interested to know why.

Irrespective of OP's issues, he is entitled not to be touched at work if he does not want this. Not getting this issue sorted and some boundaries established will leave issues about OP's personality beyond resolution.

goonarmy

Southend1 wrote: »

It's not OP's fault this guy is behaving inappropriately towards him!

But it is the ops fault he feels the toucher is beneath him. Therefore fault lies with the OP.

I suspect a willy measuring contest might sort it all out.

Southend1

goonarmy wrote: »

But it is the ops fault he feels the toucher is beneath him. Therefore fault lies with the OP.

I suspect a willy measuring contest might sort it all out.

While I don't agree with the attitude of OP towards his coworker, nobody should be subjected to unwanted physical contact or other unacceptable behaviours at work. The only person to blame for the touching is the coworker.

ValHaller

goonarmy wrote: »

But it is the ops fault he feels the toucher is beneath him. Therefore fault lies with the OP.

False logic. People are entitled not to be touched at work if they feel it is inappropriate. That is pretty much absolute for the kind of touching we are talking about here. Even if it is OP's fault, he is still entitled to respect and entitled not to have it happen in the workplace

ILW

I would suggest that it would not be an issue for the vast majority of people. Or maybe I just live in a different world.

Savvy_Sue

ILW wrote: »

I would suggest that it would not be an issue for the vast majority of people. Or maybe I just live in a different world.

I think you live in a different world. I have worked in predominantly female environments: if a female manager patted me I'd not be best pleased. Just as I wasn't when a male manager repeatedly put his arm on my shoulder and called me 'dear'.

I'll offer and receive a hug, if appropriate, but when dealing with me on a professional level you keep your hands to yourself, TYVM.

I must ask my sons how they feel about such things, although I think I can guess ...