Problem at work, need some quick advice....

Strider590

ILW wrote: »

There you go again.
Ans looking down on others because you percieve them to be of lower intelligence than yourself will win you no friends.

I don't look down on anyone..... Again you make wild half-ar5ed assumptions.

I hate when people are looked down upon and I especially hate when someone does that to me...... Which is exactly what this guy is trying to do!

Prothet_of_Doom

Give him jobs to do, that he can't do, and then tell him you'll have to talk with HR if he doesn't pull his finger out.

Savvy_Sue

I used to have a manager who seemed to think it was friendly to put his arm round my shoulder and call me 'dear'. I asked him to stop, as I felt it was patronising and inappropriate in the workplace. He apologised, and stopped.

I was young in those days, and did ask HR for advice first, that was their advice. I can't see it would have changed.

jacques_chirac

Strider590 wrote: »

I don't look down on anyone.....

Could have fooled me!

Strider590 wrote: »

If the company MD pats me on the back, I take that respectfully because the guy built a multi million £ business from the ground up. But when someone with no skills, no qualifications, no experience and a below average intelligence does this, I take it as a show of aggression, assumed dominance and quite possibly as an insult.

ILW

jacques_chirac wrote: »

Could have fooled me!

Don't think OP actually realises how he comes across.

jacques_chirac

ILW wrote: »

Don't think OP actually realises how he comes across.

My thoughts also - it comes across that the OP and the person he is complaining about are probably quite similar in their lack of self awareness/ need to assert themselves?

WolfSong2000

Trust me when I say it will be much easier and more straightforward for you to just politely tell this chap that you feel his behaviour is inappropriate. If you attempt to go over his head without at least attempting to deal politely and directly with him yourself, senior management will take note, and it wont reflect well on you.

If you speak firmly but politely to him and he still continues *then* by all means go over his head. Just don't do what I did when I was 18, working as a waitress and being sexually harassed (verbally) by a chef. After weeks of politely telling him to desist and having him ignore me, I lost my rag and let rip at him (verbally only)...cue fully grown man standing in the kitchen in tears with the other chef taking my side. He didn't stay long after that, but I am not proud of what I did. There are much better ways to handle people who behave inappropriately - I was just young and foolish!

ValHaller

Strider590 wrote: »

Ok..... I think this is what i'm going to do.

I'm going to see the business manager, he handles all the employee handbook related stuff and deals with general things about the place.

I'm going to tell him that a certain individual thinks it appropriate to pat me on the back as though a pet animal. I'm going to encourage him to send out a general email, one warning against inappropriate behaviour and warning that some colleagues may not appreciate physical contact. This way, it has to stop and this way it's been dealt with indirectly without going on a witch hunt. Ordinarily I hate when people deal with stuff this way, but sometimes you just have to go against your own principles.

The desk reorganising will be fantastic ammo for later on, I can't really go into detail, but it's like a blind person coming a long and reorganising your jigsaw puzzle. The excuses this guy has for doing this, don't stand up technically (in a technical dept) and he doesn't even know it yet, because he's literally got no technical background at all and has made the one fatal mistake that people always make with me, he's taken my quiet nature for stupidity.

That would be naive and inept. You tell the guy to his face first. You do not mince your words with "Would you mind awfully ...", you do not go over the top with an angry rant. You just tell him straight (and you note it in a diary). You do this twice and if it has not stopped, then the 3rd time, you do not say anything to this person you go to the manager.

But you don't tell the manager how to sort it. If the manager asks you what you want to happen, your answer is that you want the inappropriate physical contact to stop - you do not say you want an email sent, because this is telling the manager how to do thing, not telling him what you want.

If you do not start by telling this person to stop, but go to the manager, you are doing exactly what this person wants.

mademoiselle_2

Know what I think?

It would be a whole lot better - for YOU - if you grew a thicker skin.

And before you think I'm being unfair and don't understand, I speak as one of the world's most sensitive, who gets upset about the tiniest wrong glance - but, by heck, I've had to learn to curb my behaviour!

Work is full of irritations and impositions - that's what work is! Your time is not your own, yes, you have to be nice to people you don't like or get on with, no, you can't have things all your own way, and throw a hissy fit when it winds you up.

Don't make these small things - and they are small - into something that will jeopardise your job.

Come on, now - which is more important to you? Things arranged just the way you left them on a desk - or the money to pay your mortgage/bills/food?

If this chap goes to pat you and it irritates you, just move away, or shrug off his hand. You don't have to give a speech, just literally shrug it off. In the grand scheme of things, it really, really isn't important!

Don't risk your job on this for the temporary satisfaction of telling him 'what you really think'.

Remember, if you find this guy irritating, just think what having to explain to a 'computer-says-no' clerk at the Jobcentre about the number of jobs you have applied for will do to you!

I really hope that you can see I'm trying to help.

ValHaller

mademoiselle wrote: »

Know what I think?

It would be a whole lot better - for YOU - if you grew a thicker skin.

And before you think I'm being unfair and don't understand, I speak as one of the world's most sensitive, who gets upset about the tiniest wrong glance - but, by heck, I've had to learn to curb my behaviour!

Work is full of irritations and impositions - that's what work is! Your time is not your own, yes, you have to be nice to people you don't like or get on with, no, you can't have things all your own way, and throw a hissy fit when it winds you up.

Don't make these small things - and they are small - into something that will jeopardise your job.

Come on, now - which is more important to you? Things arranged just the way you left them on a desk - or the money to pay your mortgage/bills/food?

If this chap goes to pat you and it irritates you, just move away, or shrug off his hand. You don't have to give a speech, just literally shrug it off. In the grand scheme of things, it really, really isn't important!

Don't risk your job on this for the temporary satisfaction of telling him 'what you really think'.

Remember, if you find this guy irritating, just think what having to explain to a 'computer-says-no' clerk at the Jobcentre about the number of jobs you have applied for will do to you!

I really hope that you can see I'm trying to help.

I see where you are coming from. But if OP was a woman and you gave advice to let this go, I think this thread would gain half a dozen pages in an hour full of people telling you it was unacceptable to have to tolerate being touched at work.

• Even if your time is not your own, your body is yours
• Being nice to people does not mean putting up with being touched if you do not want this
• One thing you should expect entirely your own way is not being touched if you don't want it
• If you cannot get the touching stopped without having to throw a hissy fit you are being pushed too far.

Man or woman, it is al the same